I've reached the point in my life, the crossroads of my destiny to borrow a phrase from my favorite kid's show "Avatar the Last Airbender", where I have come to the decision where I can't stay here on WP anymore. I genuinely love this place, which is why I even spent such inordinate time on here, and this place has literally been a haven for me during my worst times, which is cool since I am literally typing all this in the Haven subforum, but as with all things good there has to be an end; my purpose in life, my ambitions, my dreams even, ive witnessed dwindle and rot before my eyes as I spent time after time, moment after moment running away from my problems and put my dreams on hiatus having fun with all the nice people of this forum. And while it is true the memories here, as well as the camaraderie of some very awesome, helpful and great people here, has made me vacillate and even hesitate to go through with this decision, my heart's ambitions and dreams spoke louder and I realized that if I am to be great and seize my dreams and ambitions I have to leave anything that distracts me from my goals even if it means saying goodbye and farewell to a place that has been my haven and niche where Aspies like me can feel at home.
I originally decided to just leave this place like that without saying goodbye, but as a compromise to satisfy my feelings of attachment to this place as well as bringing closure and seamlessly concluding this narrative, a penchant my Aspie self finds helpful as it makes me compelled to tie in everything cohesively and coherently, I have decided to offer this last thread as my farewell thread and to write any last minute thoughts, comments and leave from here smoothly having said everything I wanted to say. As a member from 2011 leaving a place like this doesn't feel right without at least writing this.
When I joined this site in 2011 I was going through a time in my life where I was having major conflicts being an Aspie and it was such an impinging source of distress I was even too ashamed to list myself as an Aspie, instead lying and putting myself as a Neurotypical. Eventually I resolved such an issue and embraced being an Aspie hence why I proudly put myself as one on this site and no longer felt the burden of having to lie and pretend I was someone I wasn't. Unfortunately my subsequent time on WP was marred by acrimony, discord and conflict I was constantly embroiled in because I was very imprudent online and got involved in too many fights over worthless things and things that wasted my time and happiness on WP; the PPR section was rife with racism and bigotry at that time, and to be fair I was young and naive, so I suppose it wasn't a surprise that I regretfully made a fool out of myself on there and eventually got banned for launching a massive invective against members who had defended Israel bombing my mother's country, Palestine. When I had gotten the news in the mail that I was banned from WP I was so stuck in being obstinate about political issues and in a state of rage over what was happening in Palestine and the callous dismissal of Palestinian lives certain members were notorious for that I was unfazed by my ban. This all happened in 2014 and since then I had completely forgotten about WP.
Several years later in 2017 after going through several healing and reformative experiences that had me mature, heal and become much more prudent I ventured to check WP and to my surprise what I thought was a permanent ban was lifted a while ago! I reintroduced myself to WP then and sought to enjoy this site that had earlier been marred by political and religious controversy that ruined my experience, and for the most part I truly felt better here; I managed to make my 1st ever belated post in the "get to know each other/introduce yourself" section, which was definitely awkward since it was 6 years too late but I wanted to resolve all issues from the past and start over. Thank God my transition to WP after the ban 3 years before was smooth and I enjoyed the site, had nice conversations since I had learned to avoid the PPR section like the plague (something which sadly I haven't perfectly followed this year), as well as using my time here to only talk about fun and happy things. While I was busy ameliorating my presence on WP and living a better life a horrible car accident I suffered that year devastated my body, destroyed my precious artifact, as well as put a major halt and hiatus on my life's goals and progress, a sad and unfortunate tragedy that threw my life in disarray. I made a thread right after the accident and that was the last thread I had made on WP before leaving WP for a while to tend to my life as I was shattered and badly hurt.
Since the car accident I've been through many tumultuous and depressing experiences too numerous and painful to talk about, but the crux of it all was my life was setback severely by the car accident and many of my goals and dreams that I was so close to making the most out of my life were practically taken from me, and what remained was a bitter, miserable and depressed shell of his former self. The rehab process was bitter and grueling, my prime days were far away from where I was, and I was left in despair tantalized by what I could have been had I not been hit by such an avoidable accident juxtaposed with the shell that I was after the accident. The pain of it all caused me to relapse into great depression, and for a long time I struggled to live my life as the tragedy of that accident made me numb and make mistakes I otherwise would not have made had I been in a better state of mind. The suffering became unbearable as one bad incident followed another, and right when it seemed like I was beginning to make some progress after all these years and slowly find my way on the path to success, that is when the tragic news of my friend's suicide devastated me in a way I had never felt in my life. And that is the day I finally decided to go back to WP after 3 years inactive trying to sort my life out and seek the support of this site to keep me stable and help me not make any dumb decisions like suicide.
The suicide of my friend in the beginning of January 2020 was a super low point in my life that messed me up, and despite all the therapy and exercise I did I felt forced to return to WP for help. While I'm still grieving and trying hard even as I type right now to heal with fortitude, I must admit that the outpouring of support I received on here was amazingly gracious. I especially would like to give a shout out to Kraftiekortie, Juliette, AprilR, Fnord, Blazingstar, IsabellaLinton and others for their overwhelming support; if I forgot to mention you by name I apologize since many people helped me but I am grateful to all that helped. With the solidarity and support being provided here I began to roam around here more to the point of addiction, since my life by that point and currently is not the best, and whenever a problem popped up in my life I would gladly post it here and receive support from the kind people of WP, such as when I posted about my brother getting shot and when I discussed the racist incident I faced last week. Besides just posting sad posts I was also beginning to immerse myself in the community here and spend time socializing to help me cope and forget about my external and internal issues I had to deal with. While it was fun to be idling around here and it definitely was an escape from the suffering I was dealing with, I began to realize that I wasnt getting anywhere spending my time escaping through an online forum and that if I wanted to see myself succeed like my dreams kept telling me I would I had to actively take control of my destiny and not passively let myself remain inert to problems festering and piling up in my life.
When I started University a few weeks ago I was still spending inordinate time on here since old habits die hard and because I was still hurting inside and this place acted like a shelter to avoid all the issues in my life plaguing me. However I began to realize that my life felt more and more empty everyday just wasting myself rot and accomplishing nothing but spend time on WP for comfort. But what was the point of comfort when the source of my discomfort wasnt being remedied and erased being here, when at best all I was doing was putting a temporary bandage for a metastasizing problem that required rigorous treatment. Everyday the contrast between how I was living and how I needed to live because of my ambitions, goals and drive was becoming too much that I decided last week to completely leave WP, albeit unannounced. As I said in the intro paragraph my Aspie brain didn't feel right just abruptly leaving without a final post, so ive decided to write this last message before I leave.
I am grateful for all the support I have received from the many good samaritans on this site, and as a show of gratitude I will now impart these final precepts, lessons and advice of wisdom I learned through extreme pain, suffering and meditation through a tumultuous life. I know that this subforum is the haven so if I am to post a thread like this I might as well make this post fit the haven and end on a list of advice to help all those Aspies suffering or going through the hardships of life. You can choose to disagree with my advice, but I believe it is valuable to consider:
1. Mindset and grit is a source of power that can't be overstated. A positive, optimistic mindset and a never give up grit attitude like Naruto trumps a negative mindset with even the best of circumstances. Obviously ideally the best is a positive mindset and awesome circumstances, but beggars can't be choosers so if circumstances aren't ideal let your mindset and grit lead you to creating better circumstances. On the topic of circumstances.....
2. "To hell with circumstances. I create opportunities" Quote by Bruce Lee. On the one hand I suffered an injury that literally almost killed me and took away entire years of my life from accomplishing legendary feats I could only dream of, feats I had and have no doubt I could have easily accomplished had I not been hindered by such an injury. On the other hand I chose to let this circumstance be an opportunity to toughen my mind and willpower to such a point I believe the discipline and grit forged through this hell has made me tougher, more determined and more hungry for success as soon as I'm ready. And I want to be ready.....
3. NOW! You could let your life be a monotonous recital of the same dreary and drudging status quo, stagnant and without any progress, but when the pressure and conflict of living beneath your potential and away from your dreams becomes so much you will not be able to wait one more day, waste one more second, lose one more iota of time to something you dont want. Even if the circumstances feel truly overwhelming a desperate caged bird driven mad by the prospect of freedom will peck at the cage relentlessly if it means any hope of escaping and flying free. On the topic of being a caged bird...
4. All I want to say is that destiny is something you actively shape rather than passively hoping it comes. I know the feeling all too well that destiny has consigned you to a miserable fate and that it feels like you're a slave to the caprice of a cruel fortune. I spent a lot of time stuck on this paradox, the paradox of me reciting self encouraging mantras of my destiny to succeed while nothing really changing substantially. If my destiny was indeed to get better why wasnt it happening? How does one say such a bold statement as my destiny is to succeed while believing in free will? It was only after realizing that destiny is something you yourself actively forge and implement rather than hopelessly waiting for to happen did I began to actively and decisively take control of my own destiny and live how I saw fit.
5. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Too many people, not just Aspies but many Aspies complain a lot about this on here, of the type of treatment they receive from people ostensibly being called family just because they happen to share a couple of chromosomes. Now let me tell you as someone who when I turned 20 and grew bold enough to punch my sperm donor of an abuser (I refuse to call such a beast my father, in consistency with this message) that family is not defined by correlation of DNA or blood but by reciprocity in emotions, feelings, and bonds that make each other want to help and nourish one another. Anything less is not, and I repeat loud and clear NOT a viable relationship or family. If someone is in a relationship with you or you have relatives who dont empower you as a person, dont support you, or make you not want to live either because they're abusive, gaslight you, or try to control you for some type of compensation for their own bad lives then such a being is to be cut off and canceled. No exceptions. I have had many problems in my life, but not one of them involved being stuck in toxic relationships because as soon as I felt someone was a detriment to my life I cut them off. Trust me when I say it helped me so much. If your parents sell your stuff for money (smudge) or if your husband always mistreats you and all attempts at reconciliation fail then leaving such a being and living your own life with a different support system that actually care about you is the right thing to do. I've cut off plenty of people in my life, not one of them I regret, and instead of me feeling lonely or isolated I feel better and the people I cut off have all incessantly tried to make me come back. I've learned that by setting standards and not letting people walk over you that's when you become powerful and that's when people try to treat you better. But you know who you should expect to treat you best?
6. Yourself. Love yourself. Treat yourself the best you can. In Islam I was always told that our bodies and minds have rights over us and that we are entrusted with them to provide for them and their own rights. Far too many Aspies engage in unhealthy self loathing wishing they had a girlfriend or partner, when the probability of finding a partner when you yourself dont love yourself is low. If no one else loves you the least you can do for yourself is love yourself and treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Self harm, self loathing, self hate, none of that is fair for others doing it to you so it becomes more prohibited and evil to do it for yourself. You can't control if others love you or not, but the person who can't even bring themselves to at least show themselves love isn't going far in life, trust me. The moment you can fill yourself with your own self love and inner peace is the moment that emptiness ceases and you can look outward and project a confidence and aura that attracts rather than repulses others. When you choose to love yourself you fulfilled the right you have upon yourself and thus can never truly say no one loves you.
There's more I want to say, but as per my usual Aspie penchant for turgid and dragged on writing I have written more than enough and this suffices as a farewell.
I really am going to miss you all. Farewell WP
_________________
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."
Master Oogway
07 Feb 2020, 12:44 am
I wish you every success for the future- you certainly seem to have the right mindset to live a good life. If it's best for you to keep off the forums for now then you've made the right choice- I hope you do return one day when the time is right. 
I like this.
