Pain

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I'm sick of being the one who gets left on the shelf. So many people tell me there's lots of good things about me, but I'm always overlooked.

Just feeling down at the moment. So many couples getting together around me. It will never be me. No one will ever love me.

Hugs.

The shelf. I know it well. Gives me a square bottom through sitting on it for soo long!

A coder friend of mine reminded me last week to embrace one's inner misfit toy ~

There's difficulty in both.

Upside to a relationship is you are not alone, downside is you are not alone. Depending on the space I'm in, sometimes it's nice. If I'm overwhelmed, overstimulated, it's very hard.

I understand though.

Try to appreciate the things you have instead of things you don't have. Your self worth is not based on other people's love also.

Maybe you should try the blunt approach and ask those many people what's not good about you. Then, if you realize they're right, you can try fixing those things. If you don't see the things they mention as faults, you'll at least have some insight on what could be the reasons people reject you and try to look for someone like minded who won't see them as faults.

But it's so subjective. I've friend said I'm too independent and guys think I don't need them. When I went on a date she said, "let him do things for you." Which was pretty patronising. I asked him to hold my umbrella over me and stuff like that even before we dated.

My other friend thought that was a terrible thing to say. She never asked her husband to do anything for her before they stated dating and thinks my independence is a strong point.

There's no right answer. You've just gotta find the right person for you.

I'm just too weird to find someone compatible easily. I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's ok. I can't pretend to be something I'm not.

That's very true, but it still f*****g hurts. I'm not a robot. I have feelings.

I know, i didn't mean to say you don't have a right to your feelings. Just that you don't have to dwell on this feeling. It will pass over time.

I am in the same situation. The fact that I am in the middle of a very pro-Trump, evangelical stronghold makes it worse.

Hmm, I'm in quite a multicultural city so I guess my odds are higher. It's still like looking for a needle in a hay stack though.

Sorry you're feeling down. You never know what's round the corner(you're probably sick of hearing that ). Sending hugs and positive vibes for the unexpected in life.

It doesn't ever really change until circumstances surrounding it change.

If, for example, you have a relative who's passed away, it will really hit hard at first, but time will pass and you'll have no choice but to come to terms with it and to some degree move on with your life. In my experience, when you're confined to an existence without romantic love, time doesn't make things better as the loneliness still always an ongoing issue, and there are several things all around us that remind us about our problems. In fact, time more often than not makes things worse, and wears people down here.

Even though hurtloam's current feelings may subside a bit temporarily, they'll likely continue to recur periodically. In the absence of a solution to hurtloam's dating problems, these feelings may never truly go away for good.

Good explanation Grandinquisitor. That's exactly how I feel.

I don't know, maybe it's because people around me that are married are unhappy but i don't think not having a relationship is a problem. I used to feel like i had to have a relationship too but the people who liked me were so different from me that we had absolutely nothing in common with. I think not having a relationship as opposed to having one just because you feel pressured to is worse. That doesn't mean that you are not allowed to feel sad or lonely, feelings are obviously not under our control. There are going to be times that you feel sad and lonely. But by changing your thoughts and mindset these feelings can lessen and after a time disappear altogether. That's what my therapist tells me anyway.