Thank you for all the hugs and kind words, everyone
I just got out of the hospital today. Yesterday and today I have still been having some thoughts of wishing I was dead, but did not feel at all like I would act on any suicidal ideation (my requirement for feeling like I was safe for discharge), and my psychiatrist thought I looked like I was doing a lot better and determined that nothing would be accomplished by keeping me for the weekend, so they let me go. While I was there, in addition to adjusting my psych meds (added Prozac, increased lithium and Buspar, which, combined with my other meds, makes a grand total of 11 pills I have to swallow every morning
Plus one midday and slightly fewer (but I haven't counted how many) at bedtime. They decreased the Effexor I was on, though, so that makes one less pill than I otherwise would have, since I used to be taking 2 and now am taking 1) they discovered that my iron was very low (they said the bottom of the "low" range is 37 and mine was 14), which is probably why I've been so tired all the time and dizzy sometimes. Hopefully now that I am feeling physically better and they've adjusted my meds, I'm on the way to be feeling better mentally.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"