I wish autism was impossible in girls

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They say autism is more common in boys but I wish girls had some sort of hormone or whatever that made it impossible for us to inherit autism, then I wouldn't have the s**t at all and I'd be NT like all of my cousins are.

Why are all of my cousins NTs and I'm lumbered with this curse all my life? Why do my parents seem to be carriers of the curse and not their brothers or sisters? My parents are both NTs and so are their siblings.

Well, one of my mum's sisters is being assessed for Asperger's - but her daughter is NT. Well, the daughter did struggle academically at school but she's still always been better at making friends than me so she is definitely not on the spectrum.
How come she gets to be born NT from a possible Aspie mother, but both my NT parents made Aspie+ADHD offspring?

It's not fair. I hate autism. I really feel resentful that I'm the only one who has it. Even my possible Aspie aunt seemed better at making friends than I did. I sucked terribly as a teen, and that's awful for a female who was diagnosed with Asperger's, not severe autism. Usually female teenagers diagnosed with Asperger's are better at making friends because they can mask. I did mask but I still was lonely as f**k in high school.

I cannot express in words how much I hate having Asperger's.

Do you wish boys could have the hormone, too? Is it only girls who should be "protected" from autism?

You're fine Jo.

I hope you feel better sometime. This has to be tough. Tell you what; you're (on here) an amazing person & I think you're probably the same in real life. You keep carrying on about your weight, etc. but guess what--autism doesn't make you fat or whatever, it really just makes us see the world in a radically different way. Now I don't think difference is any good for its own sake but hopefully you are aware of your own worth.

You know, masking can exacerbate the pain and cause more trouble. Be yourself & try to think creatively and find workarounds for troubling situations if you can't handle them. I know I don't like parties.

Being NT isn't so great as it's cracked up to be, either. They have mirror images of our problems in a way.

Well I was going to wish for autism to never have existed at all, but then I'll get replies saying that autistic people are necessary in society because of a few geniuses that are said to have autism like Bill Gates. Well I am not as clever as Bill Gates and I never will be.


I'm not saying NTs don't have problems, but the reason why I wish I were NT is because the universe is catered for NTs, and I just want to be part of a (neurological) majority. There are too many successful people around me, and to think I am related to them despite me being me...it just makes me feel resentful.

I've just felt like my Asperger's has always been a problem. I have to be on Sertraline to control my emotional outbursts and I think antidepressants have contributed to my weight gain. But I tried everything else to calm me, like CBT, counseling and meditation but nothing worked, so if my buttons were pushed the only way to feel better was to fly up in an angry rage and shout and swear and insult the people I love the most. Then I would be aching with guilt afterwards. I do not want to return to those days again but I don't want to change meds. I rather not be on meds at all.
If I was just normal and could control my emotions then I wouldn't need to be on meds.

You are coveting. Stop looking at the things that people own, and at worldly glamor. What you see on the outside appears to be successfully happy lives but these people are grinding away at meaningless frivolities that are wonderful to behold on the outside but inside it requires a cutthroat nature, and in truth they are living lives of materialism that in the end is even more empty.

In life we have to guard our eyes as much as we guard our lips and ears in order to be happy. But if you keep on looking at the things that other people posses then you're going to naturally resent yourself because you are not them and will never be them. In truth I don't think this is an NT VS aspie thing, it's a coveting thing. You are looking at people possessions and surmising that the glamour thereof will grant you a happy life. Which can't be further from the truth. Those people are running on the hedonic treadmill and they strive more because people with money and success just want more money and success and it's a brutal rabbit hole to go down. The glamour that you see on the outside is just an illusion.

Stop looking at what other people own. You are not them and will never be them and that's a good thing. You don't belong in that world of workaholic cutthroats and that's a good thing. You don't want hordes of friends, you want one especially good one. You don't need to be popular because the filth is what rises to the top in this world.

You want to be in the majority? Well fine, the majority are also taking the broad way into hell. In life there is no safety in numbers. The world caters to NTs yes, but did you also know that you live in a fallen world? And that in life most people take the easy way out? Do you really want to live by a thing just because it's popular?

You have to start guarding your eyes and ears. Dangerous things enter through your eyes and ears and go straight into your heart, thereby corrupting it from within. If people bragging on social media is bothering you then you have to get off social media, so find the source that is making you covet and cut it off.

Sorry you're feeling so down about your life, Joe. The emotional aspect can be seriously tough to deal with, for some, more than others. No doubt about that. Hope you reach a point in your life where things level out for you and you can find some peace, where you can just enjoy being you, even if it does seem to be totally against the odds right now for you, in your mind ... Others have given great advice here. Definitely agree with cutting those things out of your life that allow damage to your sense of self. Helping others(which you do here) counts for so much. It's often one of the key things in life, that will help you as much as it helps others. Sounds like it's all really getting to you. A little of what makes you happy sounds needed right now.

You do know that she posted this in the Haven, don’t you? It’s a part of the forum for support, not condemnation.

It's OK, I know condemnation or criticism when I see it, but he was not condemning or criticising.



I'm having PMT right now and when I get that, everything just gets to me and I start feeling sorry for myself.

I'm not really envious of what others physically possess, but I do get jealous of their social skills and confidence. Some of my cousins seem to be born with confidence because it's wired into their personalities. Why did autism choose me and not any of my cousins? Why me? It's not fair.

If you can find a way to deal with PMT (which really might be playing with your sensory sensitivities due to autism and making your general experience of it much worse? I don't know?) then maybe it will come out better.

I never saw a problem with your interactions on here, Jo, and if you're as nice on here as you are in real life you are probably doing better than you think. The old joke is, "No one hates you like family--" my family called me out hte other day because my shoes are old and shabby-looking, complained about my going into sensory overload in church (incidentally I like the old pre-Vatican II masses better but those are rare these days) and basically told me to get over it and quit faking it. All with the best intentions, etc. I told them this evening that most other people don't go about telling other people they wear embarrassing clothes and look like they're falling asleep in sermons; it's only family that has that kind of annoying style, not ordinary well-mannered people.

You talk a lot about your family and that is why I brought that up, because family sees us both at our worst and our best, and wishes we could always be best...even when our brains are saying otherwise.

I hope you feel better soon, Jo, physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever you want!

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way at the moment .

Aspergers is hard to cope and live with and I feel the way you do most days. I wish there was something I could do to help but I'm useless at helping people so instead I'll just offer myself as a shoulder to cry on if you need it. I hope things get better for you soon and you feel more positive and brighter again. . I'm sorry I can't do more to help you.

Self-acceptance is a long and difficult journey. It's easy to fall into the trap of feeling like an outsider because of most people being born as NT. Many people who differ from the NT norm struggle with feeling like they're good people, especially when it seems like everyone around us is NT.
Everyone has at least something they don't like about themselves. As much as society likes to paint the standard of being 'perfect', 0% of people are perfect. I know that autism or aspergers can be difficult because it's pretty rare and can make us all feel like outsiders.
Medication is a great way to help with any mental struggles you may have. It will take time, however you are a good person and having autism doesn't change that.

This is true and is how I've been feeling about myself ever since I received the diagnosis, some 20 years ago.
Some people might say "you're an adult now, you should have accepted it by now", but I hate it when people bring my age up into everything.

I think it's my teenage years that are haunting me and it's not easy to just forget and move on. I know that if I was NT (no disabilities at all), the other girls would have liked and accepted me, and not been bitchy towards me, playing mind games, invalidating my feelings, wanting me to be seen on my own, making up lies to hurt my feelings, excluding me from the group, accusing me of things I didn't do, taking their insecurities (if any) out on me, viewing me as the "class dunce", the list goes on and I suffered with this all through high school. Some of my cousins would tease or criticise me for having no friends, my mum was hurt for me, and I sometimes spent my time crying in my room longing for a friend. I also would verbally lash out because I was lonely and angry with myself, and this would cause arguments with my mum. Sometimes we would physically fight.
It is very tragic if you think about it. I can still remember those feelings of hurt and sorrow I suffered. And I know that I wouldn't have been treated that way by my peers if I didn't have Asperger's. I so badly wish I could go back and live my whole teenage life again, only with an NT brain. How different it would have been.