I'm sick of people saying "stop moaning" to me (LONG RANT)

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Yes before anyone annoyingly points out that I may be "moaning" in this thread, I am aware of that, and a better word to use is "ranting".

I hate the word "moan". I like hearing other people "moan" (or rant, complain, etc). It's a good way to get things off your chest. But I hate it when people tell me to stop moaning - even when I'm not moaning or complaining AT ALL. It just gets to me and it is so triggering.

After a whole childhood of not being very aware of myself whinging and having everyone constantly saying to me "stop moaning" and being called "moaning mini" (even though that didn't even make sense, as "mini" is an adjective, bit like calling someone a "small"), I started to learn how to be more self-aware and moan less, and it worked.
Nowadays I laugh a lot and I basically only moan when I have a valid reason to moan, just like all humans.

But people still say that bloody annoying M-word to me (not as often as they did when I was a child) but it has lost its meaning to me now. And once a person says those two offensive words to me ("stop moaning"), they seem to start saying it all the time even when I'm not moaning. Some people have even said it as a way of trying to manipulate me into doing what they want.


One time I was with a friend (she's not my friend now), and we were in a shop, and she wanted me to pay for her items. All I said was no, because I wouldn't have enough money left to buy my own food, and she just tutted and said, "oh, Joe, stop moaning". But I wasn't, I was just saying what was right.

One time when I was at college, my bag was very heavy from lots of books and papers, and when one of my tutors gave me another book I said, "I don't think I can fit anything else into my bag now, Sir, it's getting pretty full and it's very heavy". I was in a good mood and I wasn't saying it in a whiny tone of voice, but one of the girls yelled across the room, "Joe, do you ever stop moaning?" I got cross, because I wasn't moaning at all, and even if I was, I wasn't talking to her.

(This example was in childhood)
When I was on my first ever summer camp, I suffered terrible homesickness because of anxiety (I didn't know I would feel that bad), all everyone said the whole week was, "you're always moaning, stop moaning". Instead of using that same boring meaningless word, they could have said, "chill out, enjoy yourself, we'll help you".

One time someone pushed me out of the way (not horribly but enough to annoy me), and I sighed but didn't say anything, but the person said, "Joe, stop moaning". I wish they could have at least said, "Joe, stop huffing".

When I brought my pet rats to my mother's house to show my family, the rats done a lot of poops in their travel cage, to the point where it smelt, so before we went to go back home, I said that maybe I should clean their travel cage first, because I know rats can get respiratory problems from ammonia if they're left in their own filth for too long. Then my uncle said, "what's she moaning about?" - even though I wasn't moaning. I have a right to care about my pets health, and I was saying it in a matter of fact way.

One time when my dad had to pick someone up and made me come with him when I was right in the middle of doing something (he knew the way and so didn't need me to come), and when I got into the car I asked, "why do you need me to come with you?" and he just said, "stop moaning". Yes I was in a mad mood because of being interrupted in a middle of a task but it still wasn't the cue to say those two annoying words. It was a question and I wanted an answer.

When I was out with a friend and got soaking wet in the rain, I said, "my jeans are saturated, and I've got a long train ride home", she said, "oh moan, moan, moan", but I wasn't exactly moaning. She wasn't the one getting the train, as her house was near, and nobody likes sitting about in wet clothes. So whether I was "moaning" or not it was for a valid reason.

Now my boyfriend is starting to say the M-word to me now, which I know he's now going to overuse that word every time I open my mouth. Just this morning he was snoring loudly in my face (and I had earplugs in), and I'd had a bad night's sleep (not just because of his snoring), but I didn't disturb him all night. But by this morning I'd had enough, I was sleep-deprived, so I just politely asked him to turn over. He did, and I said, "I just want a bit of elbow room", and he shouted, "oh stop moaning! You always moan, every sentence you say!" - which is more than an exaggeration, it is a lie, because I know full well that I DON'T moan all the time when I'm with him. In fact I'm happy, positive, easily impressed and I laugh a lot. But when I just complain just once because I am feeling overwhelmed or tired or whatever, people are quick to yell, "stop moaning".

It's like I'm not entitled to have emotions, and whenever I express my feelings people just assume I'm moaning and just say those two annoying words without even listening or considering how I feel. I'm entitled to be in a bad mood. I'm entitled to have a bad day. I'm entitled to express my feelings. I'm entitled to my opinion. Just like everyone else is. But I never tell people to stop moaning, ever. I love listening to people's thoughts and feelings.

Sorry for the long post but I am just fed up right now. I don't like being told to stop moaning, unless I'm sitting there scowling and disliking everything without no reason to and hurting people's feelings and behaving like a spoilt child. But I don't do those things. All I'm doing is being a civilized human being living day to day life just like everybody else. I'm not some sort of monster.

nagging maybe?

I'm sorry that you're having these consant occurences of this happening that are taking a toll on you. It doesn't make sense to me why people would be annoyed at you enough to where they would tell you to "stop moaning", even though all you did was make a statement or ask a question and you weren't in the middle of long rant.

That aside, do you think that maybe these are nothing more than just them not being in a good mood for whatever reason and it's not like everyone doesn't like you? 'Cause I'm not just gonna quickly assume that everyone is out to get you.

With me it depends on the context and how it is said.
For example if I expressed that I was disgusted by carrots and didn't like being served carrots, and the next day I said that I liked carrots and brought some, and someone said, "but you were moaning about carrots yesterday", that is OK and doesn't annoy me or make me feel like they mean something else. It's more like fact.

But when people just say it because they don't know what else to say or are trying to manipulate me or criticise, that's when I don't like it. It's like people start to automatically associate me with moaning and don't want to listen to what I have to say.

When I was a kid I did whinge a lot. I'd find some sort of trivial fault in something, like being picked last, and stand there whining in a moany tone of voice like "they picked me last, why am I always picked last, why me, it's not fair, they never pick me first, I wanna go first, it's not fair...." but this was when I was like 8, and that is enough to make people say "stop moaning and whining for heaven's sake!" But now that I'm a grown-up and have learnt how to be aware of what I'm doing and not whinging and crying about everything, I don't expect to be told to stop moaning. That's what you say to demanding little 8-year-olds.

I get what you’re saying. I’d suggest you’d have a talk with your boyfriend and other people who have done this to you in the past, explain how annoying it is to you and see if they can give you a more clearer context on the issue.