Don't want to go to my cousin's wedding

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My cousin's getting married next year.

I was excited for it but now I'm not.

She's going to invite as many ppl from uni and school as she can. So I'll be round a bunch of strangers.

I haven't been out in a public building since March. I've been outside or at home and that's it.

I really don't want to talk to his family and a bunch of randomers. Right now it doesn't even feel physically safe.

When mum got married it was just her and my stepdad and our family there.

I wish she could just invite his family and ours. He's Catholic so we'd still be outnumbered but since the families are coming together that's a chance to know each other as a family.

And how can I make it so she does proper food I can eat (she eats weird fancy food I can't) and no flashing lights etc?

I think if I go I'll have a meltdown.

It just seems really impossible. I'm aspie. I'm socially anxious. Coronavirus has me panicking... Strangers have me panicking...

But I love her and want the best for her & I'm scared she'll take 'I can't go' the wrong way esp as we were rivals as teens & this is very much her taking the 'next step into adulthood', one which everyone knows I won't do myself.

I've went to a wedding party a few years ago with my grandfather in California to celebrate his girlfriend's granddaughter's marriage.

Let me be frank: most of the people in that party are loud and boisterous "rough-necks". The only food they have were tacos, but I wasn't in the mood to have tacos (you'd actually think that these parties should have a variety of foods other than this, but THIS didn't ). Additionally, they tend to do reckless things, like urinating on a front garden at another person's house (I'm not really sure if someone's living there or not, but that is just plain RIDICULOUS ).

Forgive me if I sound biased, but are all people living in California behave that way, or just those people in that area?

I'm sorry but I found this so funny 'cause I'm at my cousin's wedding right now.

Lol so you're on your phone or whatever at it
Might buy a smart phone for that very purpose...

I sent her a text today not saying any of this just saying 'I love you no matter what'. So hopefully she'll remember that if my anxiety is too bad to go or whatever and I can't cope. It's not done out of not liking her.

Yeah, I was. But to my defence I'll say that it was six minutes to midnight when I wrote the post and the whole party was very casual at that point.

No. Most people are not stupid enough to urinate on someone’s front lawn.

Would actually liven it up & make it so my fear of making a gaffe etc would be less of a problem

It will just be a load of boring NTs talking about uni and jobs and success as if everyone has the same success after uni then flashing lights across the dance floor and food that makes me feel sick etc.

I don’t like weddings, either, for most of the same reasons.