I keep making mistakes

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Even working a job where all I do is push carts, not a day goes by without me making a mistake. I forgot a co-workers face and name, I talked back to a manager, I hurt myself banging one of my fingers and crushing one of my toe nails. But today I nearly hurt somebody when I stupidly tried to help them. It was idiotic, I should've called out that I was going to help out BEFORE I went to help, so that he would know I was there, so accidents could be avoided. I apologized profusely for nearly injuring him, but I still feel as if I hadn't apologized enough.

I don't know what I was thinking, but that's probably it. I wasn't thinking. I hate it, but I have no idea how to fix it. Sometimes, I easily miss things, common sense is not so common to me, and if I want to understand everything and not miss a thing I take much longer than an average person. Simply put I am stupid.

My last IQ test was above average, but I do think I am still a rather slow individual. I have a poor working memory, poor planning ability, poor adaptability, and poor awareness (situational awareness and self-awareness). It frustrates me that I am not doing better. But it's hard to figure out how to do better. The advice of normal people to just "Be more careful, be more aware, Use your head, why don't you. Does not seem to be very helpful. My Vyvanse helps somewhat with focus and awareness, but I don't like to take it as I don't like the side effects (mainly my blood pressure gets uncomfortably high, food makes me sick, and I get a strange urge to play strategy games or write stories, which is why it's only somewhat helpful with focus and awareness.)

Just a little venting, taking drugs like Vyvanse is probably the only way for me make an attempt at being normal. But I just don't like having to rely on a drug just to function in my day to day life.

(Not that I have anything against people who need medicine to handle their day to day, depression and bipolar disorders and schizophrenics need to take their medication to help cope with symptoms of their disorders and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.)

Sensory Overload? It's not uncommon for aspise to have it. Whenever there is a lot of activity in this house I always get super clumsy because my brain can't process everything that's going on at once. Last summer I was late for my bike ride (i like to ride VERY early to avoid traffic), and unfortunately there was a lot of traffic on the road and everyone started crowding into the church where I turn around. The crowd of people entering into the building and the crowded intersection was just too much information for me to process and I crashed right into a pole and gashed my knee on the pavement. At that point I had realized that I wasn't minding my issues with sensory overload, because it always happens when I'm downstairs with a lot of people there. I fumble cups and spill things over so I have to be extra careful when I'm heading into situations where a lot of information is occurring.

It's one of the reasons why I will never learn to drive. Sensory overload in a car will either kill me or kill someone else. Aspies like this should avoid dangerous jobs or messing with heavy machines. If you job puts you in a situation where you can seriously hurt someone you should mind your condition and reconsider your job. Whatever is making you clumsy will likely stay with you and it's up to you that you don't put yourself in a situation where others might be injured.

Luckily I got a research job with the government so I no longer have to push carts.

Now that I think about it I have the same attitude towards driving. It's a little overwhelming trying to keep track of all the things you need to keep track of at once. It might be sensory overload, but my concern is it can look like an excuse to Neurotypical people.

Like for example, if I say "I don't like to drive, there's too much information coming in at once for me to handle."

They'll say, "It's like that at first, but you'll get used to it with time."

Then I say "It's a bit harder for me than how it is for you Neurotypicals."

Then they'll say "You don't think it was hard for me to learn how to drive, you're just making an excuse, not putting forth the effort that everyone else does."

I get told things like that a lot.

I remember when I told my Uncle about this, he blamed my lack of job experience and then blamed my mom for not making me get a job when I was younger. He was certain that this issue was due to inexperience. I suppose he saw it as a typical rookie mistake.

It's really hard to explain my condition to my family without it sounding like an excuse to them. They think I am either lazy or irresponsible. I don't see how I can communicate these issues to my family effectively. I suppose I will have to deal with these issues on my own.

@SecretOpossumCabal Thank you for this perspective, it explains why I often get small injuries while working, because my senses are overloaded. It's hard to know if I actually have this issue, but it seems like it. I'll have to look into the issue more before coming to a definite conclusion. I fee like I do have it, but I have troubles wrapping my head around how exactly the sensory overload impairs my ability to think.

I make mistakes at work a lot too. The other day my supervisor told me to use less cleaning wipes and I explained to him that the cleaning wipes get dirty quickly and I'm worried that they might lose their effect if I don't change them frequently, and he didn't say anything to that, so I thought he had agreed with me. So I continued to use the amount of wipes I normally use, and he caught me out today and had a go at me for not listening, and he said in a serious, irritated voice "if I tell you to do something, Joe90, then you do it!" And when people use my name like that I know that they are really pissed off with me. I wish I had just did as I was told and used less wipes, but like I said, I thought he agreed with my explanation, as right now prevention of COVID seems to be a top priority and many companies are happy to stretch their budget further on cleaning supplies.

I find that strange about Neurotypicals, they assume a great many things and feel like a lot of things don't have to be said. Either there was some sort of social cue that was missed or he just implicitly believed that what he said was law. I remember being told, that I should just listen to the guy who owns the store, don't say anything, just do what he says, by my co-worker. So this particular situation may be a common problem rather than just an autistic thing or perhaps autism simply exacerbates this common problem.

Nervous, maybe a little. But I wasn't trying too hard, it's not like I'm helping out all the time I take breaks when I can (in fact I take several water breaks throughout a shift.)
Although I can understand the rationale behind getting fired for trying too hard, this particular instance that doesn't apply.
It didn't occur to me to help handicapped people with their groceries until I realized a few of my coworkers constantly took the chance to help customers with their groceries. I then thought "hey, I think I should be doing that." However, being so tired from pushing carts (because I am physically out of shape), I just help the people who use those motorized carts for the handicapped, (which serve a two-fold purpose, because helping them get their groceries let's me drive their carts back to the store, so I can get off my feet for half a minute.)

The incident that I complained about in the first post, was probably my first instance of trying to be more helpful and failing to be more helpful. Since that incident I just stuck to doing my job and not trying to help other people do thiers, less things can go wrong that way. But I've since moved on from that job and hopefully to a better one.

I'll admit I am clumsy though, but I doubt most retail workers or like that or there'd be a lot of injured and dead people. Quite a few would be a more realistic assessment.

Bored, I think I would feel bored if I hadn't felt so tired all the time. My thoughts were mostly filled with "My feet hurt." And then "I can't feel my feet." and then "Break time, time to rest my feet." so boredom was not yet an issue.

Oh wow, suddenly I see why I did not start driving, properly, until I was in my mid-20's. It is exactly what is described here - just too many things coming at you all at once, and you just know you are not best at coping with that. I had started to learn to drive when I was younger (maybe 15?), and then my sister had laughed hysterically when I had an accident - and I thought that was what put me off driving. But really, it was common sense. I realised I was dangerous, I could be distracted by all these things happening at once and not prioritise correctly.

But while I can't prioritise a lot of simultaneous events, I can do really well when I can focus on just one task. I think there must be an upside to the condition.