My grandparents have had memory issues for years, mostly short term, when I visit them they would ask me a question, I'd give them an answer, then five minutes later ask the same question again, etc. But it's getting worse, especially my grandpa, and it's at the point now where we (my mom and my aunts, their 3 daughters) are really worried about him not eating properly or leaving the house and getting lost. We are trying to get them healthcare through insurance.
My grandpa seems to think it's the 1970s, he insists that he is not home even though he is, and that his wife isn't really his wife but a stranger. Until last night I had only heard this information second hand, because when I would go there he was lucid. But last night I saw this behavior first hand and it was really disturbing, the whole time I was there he would not sit down, he kept complaining about being sweaty (the A/C was very high I had to turn it down, and he won't let me turn on the fan because he thinks it's broken and will cause a fire when it's not) and wanted to take a shower but not there because he thought it wasn't his home, he insisted there was an upstairs, kept looking for his keys, thought his wallet was his phone, I had to stop him from calling my mom every 5 minutes and he was very rude to my grandma. When I told him that was grandma and not a stranger he said he knew but apparently he is putting on an act? Nothing I said to him worked, apparently I'm supposed to go along with his delusions but I don't know how, he would argue with me and get very upset, and the whole time I felt very bad for my grandma. I was so relieved when my aunt showed up and I was able to go, I wanted to cry on the ride home but I couldn't. He's still alive but it feels like he's gone, I feel like he didn't know who I was (he kept saying "this guy" instead of my name) and he only pretended to know me. I feel so bad for him too because he's clearly in distress, it's like he's trapped in his own brain.
I think the pandemic caused this, I know it was inevitable but not being able to leave the house accelerated the process, and I don't think it will be reverse when it's over. When I was a hikikomori and didn't leave the house my OCD and paranoia went into overdrive. I know my Grandpa has OCD too, and alzheimer's is probably genetic so I started thinking about what will happen to me when I get to that age, I'll be trapped in a constant state of anxiety and confusion like him, and possibly regress to when I had tourette's and did not know how to interact with people. I also feel selfish for worrying about my future self right now.
22 Jul 2020, 8:03 am
