It's finally getting to me

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I am posting this today because this whole "Spending time with your family" and COVID-19 is getting to me. As I have talked about before, I am the black sheep and an outsider in the family. My family is also very dysfunctional. At the moment, I feel so alone, sad, and angry. My last family member who stepped up to the plate for me was my late aunt and she died last year. Just about everyone else has treated me like I am invisible,

I am sorry you feel the way you do. Are there things you could do before but not currently because of what COVID has done to the world?

I’m sorry, hugs!

COVID-19 isn't helping things, for a lot of people.

Before COVID, I kept busy by living my life and now that's it slowed at the minute; I have had the chance to work through the anger I have towards them. The major reasons
1. They are cold and don't know how to love or accept me
2. A lot of them live in their own worlds and have problems of their own

The last few times they have come to my state, they run off and do their own thing before "Stopping by" to see me for an hour. I have called them out and it's like they don't get it.

Families can be very disconnected and cold towards each other. I remember several decades ago, my brother from Alaska was coming down for a visit. I felt a little overjoyed because we would have some time to get together and chat. Well he showed up and the first thing he said was can I borrow your car. He wanted to travel and visit all his friends. He didn't really come for a visit, he came for a favor.

It sort of reminds me of the following song.



There are many threads that pull on individuals. We are like puppets. These can be obligations of having a job, fixing a leaking sink, carrying for ones aging parents while at the same time attending a birthday party for a grandchild. Nothing really lines up. We are out of resonance. Yes, most people do live in their own little worlds.

My family has not really contacted me because they wanted something. Rather, it was more convenient for them.

About 4 years ago, my younger sister texted me at the last minute because she and her friends were driving to a neighbor state for a vacation. Being that I had not seen her in 11 years, I wanted to meet them and it was "I want to spend time with my friends, I will stop by and see you for dinner."

When my aunt died last year, my uncle and aunt drove down to handle her affairs and seemed to make time for me. Most of the time, they took care of business and took a side vacation. 90% of the time, they did not call me or really spend time with me to see if I was ok.

I did a guided meditation, and I got clarity that I didn't make those decisions for them and it really is something I have no control over. I stopped talking to my family because I grew tired of being mistreated. I also got tired of trying to set boundaries with and no compliance.

Once you calm down and can meditate on it for a while, you may find peace with the disconnect from family members.

I re-evaluated my relationships with various family members and just let them drop and fade away. I like my life now and I don't need the drama of family of origin.

My in-laws, on the other hand, are warm, wonderful giving people who care deeply and show up when the need is there. I have been totally amazed by them. Gave me hope for the human society.

I have to accept it that my family doesn't care about me, however; I don't think they care about anyone but themselves. When my aunt was dying, none of them made any effort to hop on a plane and visit her while she was lying in hospice. I also did not see any of them send me any cards or flowers when they knew we had a mother and daughter relationship. This was through my aunt, and I fell out as her dementia got to her.

Though I am angry with them, I am not even going to contact them anymore because all they will do is treat me like I am a doormat. They also are not going to listen to me because they have real "Learning disabilities"