25 Oct 2020, 5:10 am
After reading those biased sites against autism, I'm starting to worry that I am not the thoughtful, understanding, kind, nice person people are always saying I am. I keep questioning myself, focusing too much on my empathy skills, and just worrying about it.
What if I'm really a cold-hearted, callous, selfish psychopath who has only learnt how to come across as nice, just so that I can get on with people and prove these biased sites wrong? Ugh, I feel so dirty thinking about that, it makes me shudder. 
I may be good at maintaining a healthy relationship with an NT spouse, but back when I was in my late teens/early 20s I was a nightmare to live with for my family. 
I used to have outbursts that upset the whole family, and these occured at random times, causing my family to walk on eggshells around me. My emotions were just out of control; I was angry, depressed and self-loathing. I had misophonia so bad that I'd get really agitated at certain sounds, and I ruled the household in some ways. So I was just like the Aspies those women were describing on those sites. I am better to live with these days but I don't know if it's because I've matured or if it's because I'm on Sertraline. I'm terrified to come off Sertraline in case I go back to being that horrid nightmare I once was.
I feel so ashamed and embarrassed of being on the spectrum, thanks to those stupid sites.
25 Oct 2020, 5:17 am
25 Oct 2020, 5:52 am
25 Oct 2020, 6:02 am
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
25 Oct 2020, 6:17 am
What if I'm really a cold-hearted, callous, selfish psychopath who has only learnt how to come across as nice, just so that I can get on with people and prove these biased sites wrong? Ugh, I feel so dirty thinking about that, it makes me shudder.
I may be good at maintaining a healthy relationship with an NT spouse, but back when I was in my late teens/early 20s I was a nightmare to live with for my family.
I used to have outbursts that upset the whole family, and these occured at random times, causing my family to walk on eggshells around me. My emotions were just out of control; I was angry, depressed and self-loathing. I had misophonia so bad that I'd get really agitated at certain sounds, and I ruled the household in some ways. So I was just like the Aspies those women were describing on those sites. I am better to live with these days but I don't know if it's because I've matured or if it's because I'm on Sertraline. I'm terrified to come off Sertraline in case I go back to being that horrid nightmare I once was. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed of being on the spectrum, thanks to those stupid sites.
And...what if that is true should it really matter now? Even if you where just a I wont say psychopath but say you where a sociopath that is more common and you did learn those things....that can still be ok. I met a girl before who was a sociopath( at least she said that) but she was chill like yeah she just struggled with some emotion stuff but she for sure wasn't like a bad person. I have also heard sometimes people with more sociopathic tendencies actually make good paramedics because they don't get as freaked out by the peoples injuries so like they can just help the person without getting freaked out themselves.
So say you are a bit on that side, there is still value for that , just don't obsess over serial killing.../S that is just a bad joke. lol.
Last edited by Sweetleaf on 25 Oct 2020, 6:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
25 Oct 2020, 6:18 am
Firstly, to the OP: "There, there".
Secondly, what she said.
The definition of a psychopath is someone not having a conscience.
Not feeling guilt.
Case closed.
25 Oct 2020, 6:20 am
What, where, who?!
Don't SHOUT!!
You startled me.
funeralxempire
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Age: 41
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Posts: 34,202
Location: Right over your left shoulder
25 Oct 2020, 6:24 am
Having moments where you can compartmentalize your empathy and act ruthlessly isn't the same as being predisposed to that being your base mode of operation. The former is a coping and survival strategy that one will turn off as soon as it is safe to, the latter is more dangerous.
Although, if that latter is caused by formative circumstances that basically match the former until 'turning it off' ceased to be an option, it does make you have a bit of empathy for one trapped in that cycle. Especially if they realize it and want out but lack the ability to make it happen.
25 Oct 2020, 6:47 am
25 Oct 2020, 6:53 am
25 Oct 2020, 6:55 am
25 Oct 2020, 7:02 am
25 Oct 2020, 7:47 am
I feel emotions rather intensely (hence the outbursts I had), so I know that if I worked in a hospital dealing with ill people I would be crying a lot, and I could not do that job where you have to phone patient's relatives to tell them that their loved one has passed away. I just could not keep that 'tough' sort of tone, I would absolutely dread phoning them, their emotions would make me cry more than the patient who passed away (although that would make me cry too).
But I still worry in case those sites are right, as I used to be a nightmare to live with. My emotions were just too much and I couldn't control them.
STAY OFF THE CAFFEINE!!
25 Oct 2020, 7:53 am
Put it this way. There are more NT's who are psychopaths then those on the spectrum because of the percentages of population who are NT's compared to the percentages of people who are not.
Uhmmm. Don't psycopaths have something to do with riding bicycles down cycle paths? 
What is a psycopath anyway?
25 Oct 2020, 8:00 am
25 Oct 2020, 8:08 am
What, where, who?!
Don't SHOUT!!
You startled me.
Sorry, all I meant was that I emphatically agree with what magz posted. I sometimes do all caps for emphasis, mostly because I touch type and hate taking my fingers off the home keys to hit the "bold" or "italic" button. It's lazy, but... well, there's not any justification, it's just me being communicatorily lazy. Sorry about that.
