Ummm... I'm sorre...... (TRIGGER WARNING: BLXXD)

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I.....uh..... Just a heads up there is that red fascinating liquid involved.




So um relationship problems, but that's not what caused this mess. Well it had a role in it. I uh I was just feeling overwhelmed with everything. I was already in physical pain before hand, but that was an accident. This is also somewhere of an accident. You see um when I got overwhelmed emotionally I would press metal to my skin. Heads up this is gonna take a turn sorry. It would calm me down. To see that red gooey liquid flow calmed me. The sting also calmed me. I have placed metal to my skin to calm myself before but that's all. I used to (TRIGGER WARNING) €ut ]]]]. I have been clean for over 2 years. With help of my girl. Man I love her. Not the point. I usually self medicate, but I haven't been able to. This world is going crazy or maybe I am. I don't think some beverages like anti depressants. Arg!! ! Um so I think I might have to start over at 1 day :{. I'm .. I .. Let's call it a night. Dam. I'll be back in 1 or less I .. Need to clean this up. I need a drink. I need something. Anything to take the edge off.

I hope you are ok...?

Yes , no, yes, I mean no. I'm freaking out. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents. How am I supposed to hide it. Oh fu-. I don't wanna go to the hospital. I don't wanna. No I can't go to the hospital. No I can't. I'm so stupid. Why I was clean for so long. So long. I promised her I wouldn't be stupid. I messed up. I. I don know. I don't even know. Somethings not. No I. I'm sorry if this isn't making any sense. There is to much going on right now. I. I am just stupid thinking "oh yeah this should ease the pain". I. Nope I should have trusted . Sorry. Um. I should be ok, hopefully. I just need . I just need a break. I'm tired and this world is messed up. Somethings.

I don't even know bro. Is there a such thing. Or is it just a myth. Good. It is such a broad word. I'm still breathing and I'm conscious or whatever so, so far I'm good. 5 hours. I got 5 hours to find a way to explain to my mom why I have a. I wish it was dark outside could have went for a bike ride or som. Nevermind I don't even think I can do that. I can't even calm myself down. All i can think about is how I am going to explain. I could say I was shaving. It does not look likethat though. I could just not answer anything they say. I don't wanna face this I just shoulda went d- I cant sleep. Im trying but I keep panicking keep thinking of same person keep thinking of same memories. I don't know. I don't wanna be here. I wanna be with her. I know I should be with my gf, but all I can think of is my ex at the moment. The phone call the days before the that one time in class. I miss her. She never coming back. I wanna hold her. Sorry I should just.

you need to get help but im not sure who can help you

get those cuts looked at tonight or tomorrow so they wont be with you forever

They are going to question how it got there. What am I supposed to say then. Oh that was me. I did that. It was calming. No they are going to take me to a hospital. I don't wanna go. I cNt go. No hospital. RThed just sit here and watch...

You're either going to face your self harm issue and deal with it, or you're going to hide it. It's up to you to take what course of action you think is best for you.

I gonna face it. I wanna face it. I am trying to face it. When I start it is hard to stop. I like that red liquid I like the sting of thu. I dont see how it's a ... Not gonna lie I see the problem just don know if I can solve it.

You have to make the decision yourself, but you'll need help dealing with it. Through professional counseling and/or a peer group.

You might want to give this a try:

https://www.virtualteen.org/forums/foru ... bfb21&f=16

Hope you can get some help.

Thx for the suggestion. I got it looked at. I didn't think I went that deep but they said it's gonna leave a scar. Didnt tell them how it got there just said I wasn't paying attention.

How do I explain to my girlfriend that I cut again? She is going to break up with me. I am going to lose her. I can't lose her.

Let her hold your hand and comfort you.

You need another way as an outlet to divert your atention away from things when you feel that way.

Any ideas?

Her... But I can't always place my problems on her. She has her own things to deal with. I used to be able to rely on my bestfriend but we recently got in a very bad argument. Now I dont know other ways to cope.

Wear a long shirt, if it was on your arm.
No reason to lie or say anything at all.

I like your thinking but I am serious about her I do not want her to end up finding it and getting mad for me not telling her.