Inferior to others

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Nowadays im very upset and anxious about my life. If i were to describe myself briefly i would say asocial, incompetent, autistic, anxious... Why only disadvantages and not even a positive trait? Why did this happen? Aspergers and social anxiety stop me from talking to people, i cant fit in. Im not good looking or anything so nobody approaches. Im spending most of my time at home. I didnt accomplish or experience anything, because people need to be accepted in society to be succesful. How can i cope with this? Is this even possible, i need help.

And im going to be 23 in next months, im still trying to deal with this kind of problems

So get counseling and work on your issues. Or just stay stuck the way you are.

We are all different. We all have different traits, tastes, preferences, abilities and disabilities.
Inequality in life is common, always has been and perhaps always will be.

Try and count your blessings, as, although living with Autism Spectrum Disorder may be a challenge (it is a disability),
If you look at your life and consider all the things in your life that you have, this can help you to appreciate what you can do rather than what you can not do.

I also would suggest that you consider not to be absolutely rigid in how you see some aspects of your life.
In my experience, nothing in life is permanent, and in some areas of life, we learn to adapt or develop skills in areas that we have no skill in.

I have been to a number of countries, including one or two 3rd world countries, where a large percentage of the population has very little and things that we in the west take for granted, they will never have.

So yep, there are many things in life that we can appreciate, if we are to remind ourselves of how lucky we are.
Sure, having ASD for many sucks, but its not the worst disability that one can suffer from, and we have room to work on various areas of our lives.

Perhaps you should write down what areas of life you have the most trouble with, and then work out a way to overcome your obstacles.

The best we can do in life is to be happy.

The only 'positive' trait ASDs are known to have is that we're supposed to be clever. Otherwise, it is all problems, problems, problems. I wish I was NT - or allistic at least.

Please give me contact details for your counsellor with the magic wand that makes one's issues become all better.

Thank you, funeral. This is the Haven, folks.

Highly_Autistic, I have often felt inferior to others. I did not know I was autistic until just two years ago, so I had no way of knowing what was wrong. It can be terribly disheartening to be ignored, or bullied, or just generally disliked.

Social skills are not required for being "worthwhile" in this life. While it may seem that way to you now, you can find a place in life where your social skills or lack thereof won't be such a hinderance.

Autists can be slower to go through the developmental stages than people with more standard brains. Autists may have to work harder at getting on in life than people with standard wiring.

When you are in a valley, it is difficult if not impossible to know what is beyond the next ridge.

I know that you have some positive traits. I don't know what they are. You might not know either if you really believe you have none. Hang in there. Keep posting.

(((Highly_Autistic)))

I hope you are feeling better.

Growing up autistic sucks. How well I know that.

I'll be 53 soon. I didn't even know I was autistic at 23 but was so lonely and screwed up. If I knew then what I know now... Such calamities could have been avoided and such better things could have happened. But the good news is I feel good enough now (oftentimes great even) and everything that helped me is available to you.

You already know you're autistic so you're about 15 years ahead of me. I found Dr Burns book on relationships to be a great instruction manual for how to talk and listen. His book on anxiety and depression (Feeling Great) is also amazing and completely necessary. His book on finding a partner seems excellent to me but I never used it in practice. His techniques are peer reviewed and effective just from reading the books, though if you can get professional TEAM based CBT I'd recommend it, though I have found the books and exercises tremendously useful on their own.

You don't need to waste your time on ineffective though supportive talk or group therapy like I did for 15 years. Or read dozens of self help books to figure things out.

I'm sure you're looking at the distance between where you are and where you wish to be and feeling completely overwhelmed. If you get yourself pointed in the right direction and do a little bit as often as you can, you'll be amazed what you can do.

You know the what and why of your deficits, you can work on skills and these things can be compensated for and improvements made. I'm not saying you can be great at communication but I am saying you can overcome social anxiety (it's doable rather quick and easy but might be scary like sky diving) and improve your social life. I realize it hurts badly, but as one who experienced plenty of the worst of it, and as unbelievable as it seems, there are helpful answers.

I've also been meditating for 5 years. Recommend you start with 1 minute today and work your way up when you feel up to it.

This is a lot of advice and I hope you don't think I don't have sympathy for your position. I so do, because I lived it and it makes me sad to hear you're in it.

If you like podcasts Dr Burns has a great one "Feeling Good". Episode 128 is on social anxiety. I can't post links but Google "dr Burns social anxiety podcast".

Best of luck.

Dear Highly Autistic,
How are you doing?
Are you feeling any better?