nothing but negative affect

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Some people constantly focus on the negatives in their life, and further, that's all they ever talk about.

Then they wonder why they have no friends, no love life, etc.

Frankly, I am not very moved by someone who is all wrapped up in anxieties and hatreds. I feel a little more sympathy with those who are depressed because I have experienced that myself. But at the same time, I can't stay stuck at that level. I need uplift. I need laughter. I have this in my (very small) personal life. We have a lot of problems, my husband and me, but we manage to keep things light.

Those of you whose life seems entirely bad, ask what you do to contribute to those outcomes. Not "why do NTs have to be so horrible" or "why is someone else loved, when I am not, when I deserve it just as much."

It's one reason I don't come to WP much any more. To which I'm sure someone will say "and good riddance," but that's negativity I'm not looking for either.

I think a lot of people don't actually know how to be positive because their entire life is so negative.

Forums are always going to be negative but you do often find the positive little gems hidden under all the negativity. Years ago under another account I actually met one of my best friends off here, she's one of the nicest people I actually know so it's not all doom and gloom.

It's good to point this out though - I agree with you totally, however some people are so wrapped up in their own worries and problems that they can only be negative so there's little you can actually do in order to help them. The negative people are often controlled by their emotional thinking constantly and never really come out of that frame of mind or use their logical thinking so they're stuck like that posting negative post after negative post.

I hate to admit this, but I do come here to be negative.

It's probably the only place I have to vent. Even on Autism forums l I am more myself and talk like I usually would with people.

But the vibe is so negative here that I feel like I can just vent and get away with it.

But I know what you mean. Some folks won't even try and do something different just to try some different experiences. It could be as simple as going for a coffee in a different coffee shop they've never tried before. I live for experiences. I don't understand that mindset.

Other people can't take away truly enjoyable things like going for a walk on a sunny day. We haven't had a sunny day here for a while. The last time it was sunny I had a shower and booked it out of the door. I couldn't wait to go and enjoy it.

I've sometimes come into the Haven when feeling down, too, Hurtloam. Sometimes it's very helpful to get something off your chest. I'm referring more to persons who year after year post nothing but negativity. For the most part I don't even read their posts (used to, then stopped).

What people don't seem to understand is that for some people, you have to WORK at feeling good. You have to learn what comedians give you a chuckle, and then go looking for them. You have to get your butt out that door on a sunny day. You have to develop an "attitude of gratitude," even keeping a gratitude journal if that's what does it for you.

Sermon over.

True true. I have that kind of negative paces at my life sometimes, but I try not to direct my negativity too much in one direction at once when I do. It's fine to vent and look for compassion, but hearing the same things from the same people over and over again is taxing for those who end up listening. Of course, in a forum like this one can't really blame anyone that much; if someone's posts tend to get you distressed more often than not, just don't read them. And that's what I've chosen to do.

Welcome back, Bea!

You and the others have brought out some very valid points; two of which are: (1) The need for positivity in one's own life, and (2) The need to express negativity to "get it off one's chest" -- an apt description, as negativity in one's life may manifest as a physical feeling of suffocation.

Yes, it is necessary for people to rant about a particular aspect of negativity in their lives -- spouses, co-workers, neighbors, relatives, et cetera -- but to make that rant one's personal mantra to be recited whenever one is merely feeling lonely and desirous of attention is counter-productive, as doing so may actually drive away the very people who can help to affect a change for the better!

Do those who complain want resolution or indulgence?  It is exceedingly difficult to tell sometimes, so it may be best to respond only to their first rant on the same topic, and then step aside to let others have their say.  This was a tough lesson for me to learn, but I feel much better for having learned it.

Again, welcome back!

It's not always negativity that causes you to have no friends. It's all about invisible vibes or something.
I used to work with a girl and she was such a whiny person with a negative attitude and was an obvious attention-seeker and was often in a bad mood. But she still seemed to attract everyone. She even got asked out on a date by one of the guys and he almost committed suicide because she wasn't interested, even though he was a rather extraverted and good-looking guy with young children. And others just worshipped the ground she walked on. And I'm not saying she was ugly but she wasn't exactly Miss World, she often went around with a scowl on her face and had that gothic sort of look. I don't know what it was about her but she must be absolutely wonderful if a guy like him almost committed suicide over her.

So no, having a negative attitude doesn't make you unlikeable. I may grumble a lot on WP but offline I'm actually a rather positive person to be around. I arrive to work with a positive attitude, I have a good sense of humour and enjoy a joke, and I laugh a lot. Yes I do express my feelings like if I'm worried about something or whatever but not enough to be considered as a negative person you'd want to avoid.

We've all been in that 'negative boat' at various points in time.

This is where relating,sympathizing and empathy comes in.

And commiserate,as we've been in that boat before.

It's important to be mindful when we are affected and triggered by negativity,

as that is a marker of what is not resolved within.

Look at people as a mirror to bettering ourselves.

Admire the positives,not the negatives.

There is good and bad in everyone,

the silver lining is seeing the good.

The positives.

In my view, the whole point of a support forum is for people to have the absolute freedom to be themselves, the legitimacy to express exactly how they feel without fear of being invalidated or criticized, or have their posts "amended", "corrected" by someone else who feels they have a higher understanding of what the other person wants or means to say (what?????)

Whining???? I wish that word would be permanently banned from WP it is usually used thoughtlessly and callously to invalidate someone else's pain and make them feel worse, anyone with half a brain knows invalidation makes people feel worse. No wonder members who are struggling often seek more sympathetic ears elsewhere. Not everyone is high functioning, has it all under control or has the ability to see an optimistic future beyond their present demise. Haven't we figured that out yet?
I am a positive person, you all know me fairly well, but we have to promote more tolerance for those who are unable at this moment to be positive, maybe this will make them feel accepted and validated in order to trust the people here and any future support they may be offered here more.

Being told not to whine ALL THE TIME should be taken as a sign that the "whiner" needs to stop complaining and start doing something about their situation -- IF THEY CAN.  Those last three words are important, as not everyone can change their situations; at least, not by themselves.

We should all keep in mind that the right to complain all the time does NOT automatically confer the privilege of having anyone offer advice or assistance, or to even pay attention at any time -- just because I may have a complaint does not mean that you are obligated to act upon it, no matter how often or how long I complain.

So, if you don't like someone's constant whining, just ignore them, and maybe they will eventually go away.

It's not the negativity that annoys me.

It's the same repetitive patterns and old stories over and over again.



I suppose it's either unconscious like most human cases or became a too comfortable habit for one, or just something largely unresolvable that no amount of talk and attention could just easily solve it.

Regardless, there's not enough novelty for it -- no matter how positive or negative it looked...

If the person just says the same things over and over...
Sure it's fun to relate with -- which can always appear sympathy, resonance or enabling -- but I prefer to move on past that.

And as much as others do want out -- not everyone could get out of their cycles.
Negative happens to be a too favored of a cycle in the human psyche.

Not everyone can either handle it productively, or transmute that negative cycle into something else.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Negative posters aren't always looking for advice even if it looks like a poster could do with having advice. Most negative people are just looking for sympathy, understanding, discussion, reassurance and answers (answers aren't necessarily the same as advice).

Sometimes I get into a rage or a panic because I don't understand the situation fully, and expressing my feelings about here is my way of asking for reassurance, sympathy and answers. Sometimes advice is irritating (NOT aiming at anyone here, just saying). Like when you're upset about something in your relationship and posters just advise you to leave the relationship just like that. Unless one is being used, cheated on or abused in a relationship, I don't believe "leave him!" is the right advice one is looking for. Also with jobs. Sometimes people say "leave your job" like it's that easy.

Sometimes the easiest advice to give is the hardest to actually achieve. Bit like saying "I want to visit the moon" and the only advice you're given is "become an astronaut". (Actually, with the state of the economy in the UK at the moment, one has more chance of visiting the moon than finding a new job).