I mentioned to someone on here that they were shooting themselves in the foot with their ideals.
I read a book a long time ago that said that there is no such thing as should. If we use the word should, we expect that things ought to go a certain way. If they don't, we will become dissatisfied.
The facts of life are that things don't follow rules. Things don't happen exactly as we would like them to.
I read this article today and this sums up my perspective quite well.
Why it's time to stop pursuing happiness
I think Milennials are more prone to this if you do x then y will happen. It's what we were taught at school. It's the way the modern world is set up. It's a very me centric world that pushes for "success". I'm a xennial, so suffered from this too.
Quote:
The researchers suspect that the positive fantasies – and the positive moods that they create – can lead to a sense of complacency. “You feel good about the future, with no urgency to act,” says Dr Sandra Wittleder, a postdoctoral fellow at NYU. This process could be seen at play in a recent study tracking students’ progress over the course of two months: the more they reported fantasising about their success, the less time they spent studying for their exams – presumably because, at an unconscious level, they assumed they were already well on the way to getting a good grade. Inevitably, they performed worse overall.
Not only do these fantasies reduce the chances of success, the failures pack an even greater emotive punch once you compare your previous hopes with your current circumstances.
Quote:
You should also reset your expectations of the path ahead. While greater contentment is achievable, don’t expect miracles, and accept that no matter how hard you try, feelings of frustration and unhappiness will appear from time to time. In reality, certain negative feelings can serve a useful purpose. When we feel sad, it’s often because we have learned something painful but important, while stress can motivate you to make some changes to your life. Simply recognising the purpose of these emotions, and accepting them as an inevitable part of life, may help you to cope better than constantly trying to make them disappear. Any effort that we make – whether it’s specifically aiming at greater happiness, or other measures of success – will come with some challenges and disappointments, and the last thing you should do is blame yourself for occasionally feeling bad when plans don’t work out.
10 Jan 2021, 9:04 am
