My disability thrown under the bus

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I suffer from a disability known as Misophonia. It's basically an allergy to a specific list of sounds. I cannot stand the sounds of coughing, clearing throats, sneezing, burping, lip smacking, popping, etc. I react with pain when I hear these sounds. For years, my disability has prevented me from enjoying life to the fullest especially around my family members. My father in particular goes into sneezing fits every once in a while and he gets upset when I react to it. He screams at me saying he can't help it when an apology isn't enough. I keep getting this vibe like he wishes he had a normal son. WELL I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TURN OUT THE WAY HE WANTED! He constantly threatens physical violence against me if make these sounds around him. What he fails to understand is that it hurts me even if I make the sounds. He doesn't care. He doesn't even respect me. Sometimes I wish he was dead and sometimes I wish I could die, but then he'd say something like "Are you gonna kill yourself or do you want me to kill you?" What kind of father is he?!

perhaps you need relationship counseling

parents / siblings do not always understand or care
although i would say that parents generally do

but the unusual nature of your disability
makes it hard for some to understand

i suffer from the same
and i do know certain people who intentionally do things to aggravate me

there certainly is a sadistic aspect to some people
it is very childish and known as covert bullying when done intentionally

what bullies will do is say "i can't help but sneeze, I cant help buy cough, i cant help but yawn, i cant help but tap my foot etc"

In some cases, they can, its just them being bastards
best to spend less time around them if you can when they do such things
that's what i try and do