I hate myself. I have tooooo much pain in my legs, feet, side of my hand, my wrists can hurt too, I get more pain when I’m in bed,my feet are more numb, I can’t feel part of my foot. My cat threw up, I picked it up, risked falling down, I bend over, worried I would fall, doesn’t matter if I’m holding onto something for support, I can lose my balance. I can’t take a shower, I can’t stand, I bought a bench for my bathtub when I broke my ankle, I cannot use it anymore, I kept slipping off it, you shouldn’t be scared & have anxiety when you taking a bath. When my ankle healed, I kept using it, cuz I couldn’t stand, I also have trouble bending my legs to get in the tub. The last few times, I used the bench in my tub, I was so scared I would break my other ankle, I felt sooo much pain & cracks, I was crying & anxiety. I been washing myself with my washcloth sitting on my toilet, it still hard doing all my body & washing my hair in the kitchen sink. I can’t go to the laundry room anymore, it would be too much walking & it’s hard getting off my porch, I have two steps, i have trouble getting my packages. I wish I didn’t move here, my sister almost force me to live here, she picked my apartment for me, when she found this apartment, she showed it to me, I told her no, she got mad at me for telling her no. I was living on my own for six years before my mom died, when she died, I moved back into my mom’s house with my sister & my nephew, living with her was a NIGHTMARE, she was sooooo hard on me & acted sooo worse. She picked out my apartment, cuz she thought she know me sooo good, she end up being so wrong about me. She maybe be my sister, but she DON’T KNOW ME like the way she thinks. She doesn’t know how my Cerebral Pasly, Psoriasis, Aspergers, Dyslexia & Intelligence Disability effects me.
I wish I can stop thinking about dying.
03 Feb 2021, 10:38 pm
