I'm done with everything...

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I really haven't been doing great over the months and it feels like I have lost all faith in my entire life and this rotten existence I am living right now, honestly completely broken now and I want to stop existing for good due to certain issues. I have had to deal with the loss of my young uncle which devastated me and my family as I had many great memories with him for my entire life and seeing him gone is like a huge void has opened in my heart. It doesn't help that I had to attend the funeral as well, it was a very depressing event and even though I was okay in there, I cried so much and couldn't really keep myself completely under control. It involved loads of heartbreak and sadness too since I cannot handle these events well. I honestly wish he never had this sickness in the first place and was completely healed of pain, that way all of us could have been happy and still had his loving presence in our lives.

I have also had to deal with severe pains in my chest and heart over the past few days which has made me very concerned for my health and wellbeing. I am pretty sure this pain is due to my anxiety and severe worrying but it shouldn't be hurting this bad, have taken my medication everyday and have tried to calm down and focus on what I love but this is too bloody hard. I am now paranoid and afraid that I could have a heart attack soon and end up dead so that is very not good for me and I need to sort things out before this possibly escalates although that is tough stuff considering all of the garbage I have been through already. I honestly want everything to stop and me to be happy again, with none of this pain affecting me.

I hope things get better for me this year and it will be a much better one for my overall, although for now I have lost my happiness and completely given up on all hope for my life and my future. I am deeply upset right now and I want some love and comfort in these rough times....

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

Just know that you have friends here on WrongPlanet.

Om Nom hugs

It's been a month since this happened, and I feel like things have somewhat improved for me a little. I have managed to have some good times such as getting outside for some fresh air and also playing my games and getting a bunch of new drawings done, which has made me happy because I love my artwork and it's getting much better, so those are good. I have still remained upset and sad though so unfortunately it will take a long time for me to heal although I am on the road to regaining my positivity and happiness.

the pain over your heart in your chest
sounds very much like anxiety to me bro

i have had that in the past
i once went to the doctor many years ago
and explained to the doctor that i thought i may be having a heart attack

as it turned out, unfortunately for my doctor
her own husband had literally just died within a month or so
of a.... heart attack

and apparently the pain of a heart attack is completely different
more of a dull pain that goes across your chest

than a sharp stabby type of pain
as you get with anxiety

palpatations
also very common
signs of anxiety and over consumption of coffee / cola

drink lots of water
take valium if you can

go somewhere relaxing such as in the country or where you can see and hear the sea

I've been going in circles with a cardiologist. As time went on my pain gradually went away. It was anxiety.

Cutting down on caffeine helps some.

yere caffeine is an underground killer
and an addiction

i love coffee but need to limit my intake
ideally having just decaf

problem is many people don't realise
its in chocolate, some cakes, some sweets, cola, loads of energy drinks

you can ingest loads without even knowing
i have done that too, i remember eating a bag of delicious coffee bean shaped chocolates
that had loads of caffeine in them

made me really ill....

also with real coffee
there are different types of beans
some beans are miles stronger than others

summatra for example are super strong and sour
other beans aren't as strong

coffee and caffeine also has an accumulative effect
i think the life of caffeine is longer than just 24 hours

so if you drink a few cups of coffee every day
you can end up getting a cascade effect
where the effect of the caffeine over laps

until your heart feels like its going to explode
and you have chronic anxiety

been there
not great

problem with that one is that you drink a cup of coffee the first day
and think mm i love that, and it wasn't so strong

so you drink it the next day
and think yere no problem

then by the third day you may feel a bit s**t
but by the end of the first week you may start to decline

and by the week later
you may get really ill

that's the cascade effect

be careful for that one

especially in pre-workouts
and thermogenics

Thank you so much for that information.
I think a lot of us will benefit from knowing that.

I'm happy you people are here for me and I appreciate the advice too, might apply it to good usage soon.

Glad you’re doing slightly better, Riley . MBNM that was a good read! Thanks. I cut out coffee altogether once I started having heart palpitations. I used to drink alot of coffee when I was at Uni. It helped me to study back then. Now, I only let myself have a cappucino once in a blue moon as a treat. It pays to be aware of its effects.