If you cannot respect boundaries don’t be a therapist.

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Ok,

So let me start off by saying in SOME cases a therapist has to intervene in ways a patient/client might dislike.

Like in danger to self or others.

But, if a client is fed up with you having a history of not being able to keep appointments, provide useful feedback, etc. then they have every right to end the therapeutic relationship.

I may meet with her until I am able to get in somewhere else (I have a referral from my MH case manager) or maybe even before then.

I told her directly before what I want, and she tried but she is simply not working.

Like, she asked me to think about her perspective because she knew someone who was involved in a traumatic event...I had one in December that actually involved me.

And as a therapist she is supposed to hold space and not try and make me constantly think about her feelings. Therapy is NOT a friendship. And if it becomes one then that is hard to deal with (I know from experience, I don’t want to talk about it now).

I want to become a psychiatrist myself, I would never dream of asking my patients to consider that I am having a bad day, simply because I would be paid to see them.

I repeat, you pay to see a therapist, the therapist works for you. Period.

I don’t care if they have a dx you have (btw, lately I question my aspie dx...but I’ll go with it I guess). If they cannot provide a service that works for you, dump them.

It seems cold hearted, but especially patients with any history of trauma need their boundaries respected, and if they say they need something listen.

This one, she will send videos and articles when I ask her to directly walk me through something and not only do talk therapy. And most of the session ends up being talk therapy...like I can look up articles and stuff on my own...I would not go to a therapist for that.

And if it does not work, and they cross your boundaries in a way you dislike (AND you are not a danger to yourself or others) report them.

The next time I tell her I want to end care for whatever reason I am reporting it if she keeps contacting me.

And the next time she randomly asks to meet in a matter of hours I am saying no and then not responding.

Like...your patients/clients are not friends...if you’re lonely please just join a club. Anything.

I have enough with school and everything going on that I don’t need this.

Anyways, I’ll post here some but I will be honest, a lot of the time I have issues talking with others with a aspie dx. For whatever reason.

Basically anything that is taxing now I get rid of unless I find some reason I want to deal with it.

Sounds reasonable to me.

I will say though, that when I was a therapist, a couple decades back, a colleague committed suicide. I had appointments that day. I did admit to one patient that I might not be my usual therapeutic self because of the person's suicide affecting me. I wasn't failing to show for the appointment, but I did feel the client needed to be aware that I was shaken, in case I didn't meet their needs fully that day.

After talking the matter out with supervisors and colleagues, I was back to my resilient professional self within a couple days. But, I'm only human.

I've fired more therapists than I can count, and I've never felt it was necessary to worry about their feelings. They usually want you to come back to discuss terminating therapy. I get why they think that is important, but nope, not gonna do it, it's my money and my head, if you (therapist) can't deal with it, talk to your own shrink!

It is reasonable to expect that a therapist will have occasional bad days and not be up to providing their best service; but chronic or constantly deficient service is inexcusable.  I fired a therapist after the third visit, because he let someone else take my appointment.  He claimed that he thought the other person was me and that I had just shown up early.  I had been thinking all along that he was chronically inattentive, and that one incident confirmed it.

↑ This, QFT.  I am sorry to read about your colleague's suicide, Bea.  I can only imagine what you went through.

See, your issue I can understand. And I am sorry you had someone close to you commit suicide. I cannot imagine.

Her issue, I get she probably thinks it’s a big thing knowing people that responded/been involved in/to a mass shooting of some sort.

But I had someone break into my f*****g apartment with their sheer after hearing bullet pops.

That is nowhere near the same thing...so this “therapist” does not need to talk to me about “perspective.”

Also...with these neighbors that brought it here...they have psychosis and very possible substance abuse disorders...she says, “oh, they the social workers have it so well under control,” and stuff.

With that type of patient...and that is actually the type of patient I wish to work with (I actually would like to work at the Minnesota Security Hospital) you never truly have the situation under control. There is a reason the psych wards at hospitals have huge locked doors.

I am checking/talking with other people who actually work with that type of patient. And they say it’s wise to do what I am doing.

I have a mental health case manager and such, and she agrees and says I don’t sound crazy.

I observe the situation in my area (a metropolitan area) and in my building and I take action based off of that.

My perspective on this therapist is that her child got a dx of aspergers and then she started looking into it herself and has it (or traits herself).

She also probably grew up in a low crime area...and has not had this happen. So I mean...I get that she does not get it. And hopefully she never has to learn in depth about that.

Like I said, I got a aspergers dx when I was young (around 10 I think) however...I am gonna say I at least have some sociopathic traits. But I try and check myself, and I’ve learned if you cause people major issues they will do the same to you. What I would say to all of you is if someone does have traits like those, be careful with them because regardless of what I am, a lot of people with sociopathic traits do not control themselves well. And that can cause issues for everyone else.

For reference, I had a traumatic childhood. So I take that into account, it is likely a trauma response (but it may not be). Some are born that way tho, some schools of thought call those people “psychopaths” and they have basically no impulse control whatsoever. But the good news is for those they sort themselves out by their own behavior.

I have a soft spot for aspies tho (except the two who sexually assaulted me...if anyone says anything about that btw you will not like what I have to say even though I’ll be civil).

I will say with aspies, regardless of if I am one or not, I do tolerate less “bad” behavior because it’s not good to encourage that.

Of course I would never actually want a dx of anything in that category. But I have so far done well for myself and when someone tells me to leave them alone I do so.

Everyone should do the same.

Last edited by CollegeGirlAnon on 11 Feb 2021, 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

It’s too much of a issue with this one, and it’s been more than once.

It triggers my anger and I don’t need that right now.

I am sorry.

Thank you.

I am going to probably just discontinue therapy.

Like, I feel like this therapist uses therapy as a way to socialize and get paid. And that might be fine for other people but not me right now.

I’ll likely rant here if that’s fine.

Basically, regardless of how your brain is wired, if you have no rules for yourself you will have a ton of issues.

And the older you get the worse it can get for you if you don’t learn when you are younger.

Also, people hate hearing this but...we all make choices. And we are the ones that have to live with those. So choose wisely.

I'm sorry your therapist is like that and I hope you are recovering from your traumatic event. It is NOT OK for them to force you to think certain things like that.

Thank you.

I did formally end therapy with her, stressing I had a positive outlook on life.

I also let her clinic know those same things.

Her approach might work for some people I guess...but IMO there a rules for therapy for a reason.

And someone asking almost randomly if I want to meet is like...no.

And also...I do get the vibe she uses this as a way to socialize maybe...I could be wrong.

In any case, it was causing me more issues, since I did not look forward to sessions at all. And I felt I was the therapist almost.

And the last straw truly was when she tried to make me take the perspective of the creep upstairs...I don’t want to take that perspective for obvious reason.

Regardless of what I am, I don’t break the law or mess with people who don’t cause me major issues. So there.

I do find what she said about aspies not understanding boundaries in a bizarre way...but IDK if that is always true and I am not tolerating that from someone who I have paid to listen to my issues.

And I blocked contact.

I feel free tbh.

I am sure she might be ok as a person maybe...but I don’t have to deal with someone I don’t want to deal with.

You want to deal with patients/clients who HAVE to see you? Then aspire to work at the Minnesota Security Hospital or a similar facility in your state.

And you’re not gonna find that easy unless you are a certain type of person...I guarantee you.

Also, since you are young and female, I am gonna tell you this: be careful around older men.

Don’t be scared per say, but be aware.

Having good boundaries with them is key.

If anyone tells you different then be careful with them.

I'm an older man. Nobody has to be "careful" around me....

This goes for anybody. Young, old, in the middle.

Anybody who seeks to breach boundaries---is one to be skeptical about.

I didn’t mean to offend you at all!!

Most aspie older men are fine actually. It’s the ones who are...not.

Regardless, I advise being aware at all times tbh.

Again, I apologize if I offended you but I have reasons (that I am not going to get into) for advising the way I do.

You didn't offend me.

And you stated your case well.