Working too hard on my own again ~

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Well as if looking to manage industrial software test code for a company in Sweden from Colorado weren't nutty enough for me, I've gradually been convinced to start my own software company. I'm aiming for the kind of thing I can sell to the wider engineering world on a subscription fee along with hardware from the company where I'm already *sometimes* working.

This announcement has now been interrupted by the subsequent announcement of my new investing strategy! Yay for shrinking money!

TBH I'm really sorry if my workaholic tendencies have made me seem cold or aloof to anybody. It's just that I really am that serious about the machine world in a personal way. I'm pretty knuckled down on myself about delivering some awesome technology in time to really make a difference in certain industries.

I'm just going through these things so I can go skiing & spoil my friends, as long as we don't all forget each other in the process. It's mind blowing to me that some people do these kinds of things with their friends or partners, I've been working solo so long I can hardly even believe it.

I've been saying to my family over & over that the professional pressure is too much, maybe I found a path of least resistance though anyway. It feels pointless to bet on anything in particular, no matter if it's people or companies.

Gorillaz for your time.

I just dropped rather quite a few months rent on a new computer, no way around needing the thing.

The price would have gone up $500 in the quarantine if I had waited another day or so.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's scary how much everyone confuses some basic success with actually being OK.

Don't know what you are talking about but anything honest seems OK for trying to improve your situation. You won't ever forgive yourself for not having tried anything.

It's not like I'm denying that things can get better, it's that I see myself in a pattern of socially imposed isolation the same way my work like looked before the quarantine.

More Gorillaz seems fitting.

I guess all I'm basically saying is that always living around every upcoming technology amounts to a really slow, boring panic attack for me emotionally. I'm not good at keeping up with people, mostly I just think about code & try to imagine how things can change when I get a vaccine. Truthfully the same things were troubling me before there was a pandemic in effect & now I fear its a bad habit to let myself stay as relaxed as I've been the past year or so.

Fear is an antagonist of your brain and eats up all your power if you let it control you. You can be carefully and it's a good thing to be aware of dangers but never ever give your fears any power over you or they'll eat up anything that makes your life worth to live it. May be it's a just a question of philosophy but we are all cursed to die either and whether your live turns to heaven or hell is sometimes just a question of how you are dealing with your problems and fears only and how your are able to spot the beautiful and funny sides of your life despite of anything that happens. Use your brain for better things than anxieties and depressions. That's what I like the ancient German religion for. It says that you have to overcome your fears or you'll got to hell for sure. We have just to realize that this hell is nothing that begins in afterlife ...

I can't say I ever believed in the dogmatic concept of being punished for getting something wrong, but reality gets the job done anyway.

Another problem entirely is not forgiving myself for seemingly having tried everything without getting much of anywhere except when I'm working with technology.

Last bumped by cberg on 06 Apr 2021, 2:49 am.