Hospitalized for failed suicide attempt

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Yeah the title says it all. in reality it wasn't a botched attempt more than me about to end my life, flinching from the fear of death, having someone spot me and call the ambulance, and then being taken to the hospital.

Yeah I genuinely feel like im in hell right now. I genuinely wish I wasn't born to be in this hell.

beginning of this week I was ready to leave WP forever and start my life again. 1 mental breakdown later and a failed suicide later and here I am wondering how I ever reached this point.

You have reached the bottom. Now you can go up from here.

You have a purpose. You may not know it yet. Pray and watch things happen.

I admire your optimism. Unfortunately while I may only be half your age even someone as young and immature as me is experienced enough in life to know that the bottom of the well doesn't surfeit and what may seem like the lowest point from whence when can only go up tends to only be an illusion since life can go only lower.

Too many times this year I have been told that life can only go up since I reached the bottom, only for life to go even lower

Maybe you're right things can go up. All I know is that at this point every time I thought life couldn't get any worse it surprisingly did

I remember my 20's were pretty miserable as it was a time that all the lies about how the world worked were starting to land and I was really finding out just how little anyone cared about me in the most arbitrary senses.

In my own case one of the worst things I was taught is that ASD was something broken in my cognition of socializing and if I could only 'figure it out' then I'd have it. After enough oscillation between getting close and then getting lied to again tons by society I finally settled on the patterns I was seeing and stopped letting myself get gas-lit by desperate humanists and people fighting to keep their reality bubbles and share them with others. Reading British philosopher John Gray was helpful in that, getting a better understanding of Darwinian game theory and how it works in humans was also helpful.

I'm at the point where I feel like our only, really our best, source of salvation is the depth of the relationship we have with ourselves. If we're able to grow that - while it's still painful as heck to be buffeted by eternal dishonesty and watching the eternal mugging circus - we're closer to finding the counterpoint in resilience and being able to stand on our own regardless of the din outside.

Oh darling...i want to help you but i dont know how

salad, maybe it's best for now not to think too much about the big questions.

We've never talked but I feel for you. I'm sorry about how rough things are for you right now, and I know that doesn't change your circumstances, but it's what I've got. Here for you in what ways I can be, feel free to message. I've been suicidal on and off for most of my life. It's a hopeless and helpless feeling. I can see you've got people here who care for you. I wish you well too

Many mental health professionals will basically assign you tasks, much of it generally good ideas,

but tasks none the less.

One idea, can you half-as$ a lot of these? ! ? And in many cases, the answer to that is, yes. Like in art, less is often more. And then, can you maybe add free positives to your life? For example, I’m trying to learn guitar right now. I’m finding it pretty challenging. I mean, at times I’m just trying to get clean chords with these awkward fretting positions! But all the same, it is kind of fun.

Thank you. that means a lot

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. If it's of any help, I was in the exact same situation ten years ago. It will get better. It might take a long time, but it will. Life is both longer and shorter than we think. Just be sure to take good care of yourself. Wishing you all the best.

That is an interesting statement taken in combination with the quote employed as a signature ...

Perhaps, just perhaps, it is your destiny to survive this, to discover how to survive and live, and to go on to help other people who have been so low and hopeless make their own discoveries of how to survive and live, and even eventually thrive.

From what I have seen in my slightly over half-century of life this world needs, and desperately needs, more people who have been there and who therefore can reach and support those who are there.

Blessings, and restoration, and life, and future, to you.

You have friends here, Salad.

I would hope so. most days I feel like I really dont belong, even here

That's a pretty relatable statement around these parts. Some of it is likely internal, like autism interferes with forming attachments and that leads to a constant sense of not quite belonging. At least that's my attempt at understanding it for myself.

Yes, me too. Although I’ve gotta say WP has come the closest to being a place where I belong.

Over my life span I have had terrible periods and unreasonably happy periods. Most of the time it is just life with many things to learn and appreciate. And, over time, life has gotten better.

Salad, I’m sorry you are feeling so rotten. You are correct; things might get worse. But they could also get better. The trick is to take the focus off of bad so you can catch a glimpse should something good happen.

(((salad)))

thank you