What do I do about this situation with a woman at work?

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ironpony
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28 Mar 2021, 3:42 am

In my job a female co-worker asked me out. I liked it and was actually going to do the same thing, but she got me to first. Normally I do not like dating a co-worker but it's a temporary seasonal job, so I figured it's more okay that way, if we are both going to be gone in a few weeks probably. Let's call her co-worker 1. So we exchanged numbers and started texting since and getting to know each other more.

While we were working on our break, she texted me and say that another female coworker, let's call her coworker 2, was saying how cute I am and how she wants me and she said this in front of coworker 1 since they work in the same area with each other, and I do not work in that area with them, normally. I thought this was strange of coworker 2 to tell her and I told her that I have not actually met coworker 2 but just seen her around while working, so it's strange how co-worker 2 would randomly tell another co-worker this.

Now me and co-worker 1 planned on hanging out next week sometime or after, once the overtime lets up and there is more time. Now last week, close to the weekend, coworker 2 messaged me on facebook and found me on there. She said that I am going over to her new place next week. I thought this was coming on strong so I said "what am I coming over for?" And she said "what do you think?" So I said "oh is that it? And why am I coming over for that?". And she said "Because I said so". And I said "Oh I see". I sort of played along to see where this was going but I was not serious about coming over and I didn't say I would directly, just said Oh I see, not knowing how to respond. But she was coming on too strong for me so I didn't want to, and just ignored her after that.

So the next day, on the weekend, the girl I liked, co-worker 1, messaged me with a screen shot of co-worker 2's facebook messages from me and she replied that I should enjoy my invitation with coworker 2, and to not talk to her again.

Was I too nice to coworker 2 that I shouldn't have been causing her to send the screen shot to coworker 1, or what is going on here, and how should I handle this situation now? I could have told co-worker 1 that co-worker 2 sent me those messages on facebook beforehand, but I thought it would have been awkward to tell her about that.



sarcasm.king
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28 Mar 2021, 3:57 am

Sounded like co-worker 2 was sexual harassing you with an implication of you were supposed to come over for a booty call. If plan A didn't work with saying you never asked to come over and didn't want to, I would have asked for plan B with the question "Do you want me to report you for sexual harassment, or do you want me to spread rumors about you at work then use your post to show I had a valid reason?


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ironpony
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28 Mar 2021, 3:59 am

Well I feel like I kind of played along with the sexual harassment to see what she was going to say to find out more about what and why she had in store for me, so therefore, would it look bad to report it if I played along with it at first?



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28 Mar 2021, 4:08 am

Not if they initiated, I have been sexually harassed before at work before. Because the harassment started because someone asked me a question to test my intelligence with sexual connotation, I fired back a harassing answer immediately to the one employee. After she said "And they said you were slow..." I said I didn't know I was sexually harassing her then went "full breach" and harassed all female employees and claimed I didn't know anything was wrong even though I did. I even went in in some days I wasn't scheduled simply because I wanted to play 2 live crew repetitively on the jukebox occasionally.


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ironpony
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28 Mar 2021, 4:25 am

So I should threaten her, by threatening to report her for sexual harrassment rather than actually going through the reporting at firs then?



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28 Mar 2021, 4:52 am

If you went straight to report it, you did ok. I am just the type I prefer to give people the choice of the least messed up solution to two or more bad options.


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ironpony
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28 Mar 2021, 4:56 am

I haven't done anything yet since I just got this over the weekend, and I am not back to work on Monday, but I can just threaten her with sexual harassment reporting, if that's better.

The thing that frustrates me is now co-worker 1 is turned off of me and she seems to blame me for the sexual harrassment and thinks of it as me going behind her back, unless I am wrong?



r00tb33r
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28 Mar 2021, 5:30 am

Tell coworker 1 that your response is not an indication of acceptance of the invitation and that you have no intention of accepting it, and that you had no prior communication.

There's also a possibility that coworker 1 played a matchmaker and severed communication now that the objective was complete. You would know better if that were the case.



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28 Mar 2021, 6:23 am

No, I don't think she was playing matchmaker she wouldn't have ended it with, "don't talk to me again." She's hurt. She thought, rightfully, that the OP liked her back, but co-worker 2 is stirring the pot and trying to ruin things.

Tell co-worker 1 the truth. Yes, she said don't talk to her, but she wants the player she's been told you are to stop talking to her, not the real you.

She needs to know she hasn't been used and discarded by you. Talk to her today. She's probably really upset.



kraftiekortie
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28 Mar 2021, 6:46 am

I would avoid both these girls like the Plague.....especially #2.

#1 shouldn’t have blamed you for #2 sending you those idiot messages on Facebook. I feel like she’s playing games with you, somehow. Maybe in cahoots with #2.

Frankly, I sense that both the girls are taking you for a fool.



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28 Mar 2021, 6:54 am

ironpony wrote:
I haven't done anything yet since I just got this over the weekend, and I am not back to work on Monday, but I can just threaten her with sexual harassment reporting, if that's better.

The thing that frustrates me is now co-worker 1 is turned off of me and she seems to blame me for the sexual harrassment and thinks of it as me going behind her back, unless I am wrong?


My thinking is either option one, tell the boss she was sexually harassing you or option two start rumors with coworkers like "She invited me over and I went but when I got there and got her drawers off I had to pick the scabs off to get her moist."

Your choice on which one fits your morals better. Both will put an end to it real quick.


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r00tb33r
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28 Mar 2021, 6:58 am

sarcasm.king wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I haven't done anything yet since I just got this over the weekend, and I am not back to work on Monday, but I can just threaten her with sexual harassment reporting, if that's better.

The thing that frustrates me is now co-worker 1 is turned off of me and she seems to blame me for the sexual harrassment and thinks of it as me going behind her back, unless I am wrong?


My thinking is either option one, tell the boss she was sexually harassing you or option two start rumors with coworkers like "She invited me over and I went but when I got there and got her drawers off I had to pick the scabs off to get her moist."

Your choice on which one fits your morals better. Both will put an end to it real quick.

Option 2 can put an end to employment and any chance of a good reference. Bad idea, this isn't a kindergarten playground. In adult world this will have consequences.



sarcasm.king
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28 Mar 2021, 7:14 am

r00tb33r wrote:
sarcasm.king wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I haven't done anything yet since I just got this over the weekend, and I am not back to work on Monday, but I can just threaten her with sexual harassment reporting, if that's better.

The thing that frustrates me is now co-worker 1 is turned off of me and she seems to blame me for the sexual harrassment and thinks of it as me going behind her back, unless I am wrong?


My thinking is either option one, tell the boss she was sexually harassing you or option two start rumors with coworkers like "She invited me over and I went but when I got there and got her drawers off I had to pick the scabs off to get her moist."

Your choice on which one fits your morals better. Both will put an end to it real quick.

Option 2 can put an end to employment and any chance of a good reference. Bad idea, this isn't a kindergarten playground. In adult world this will have consequences.


I cautioned above about retaliation behavior. Read above when I talked about my old job.


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hurtloam
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28 Mar 2021, 7:19 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would avoid both these girls like the Plague.....especially #2.

#1 shouldn’t have blamed you for #2 sending you those idiot messages on Facebook. I feel like she’s playing games with you, somehow. Maybe in cahoots with #2.

Frankly, I sense that both the girls are taking you for a fool.


Ah, but you don't know what lies No. 2 has been telling along with showing her the messages.

Because he didn't explicitly say no, go away, No1 doesn't know the truth and is hurt by what No 2 has told her.

If you've been messed about a lot, then you're going to think, ugh, this guy is just another player. I'm on No 1s side. When you've had man after man mess you around your tolerance level becomes very low.



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28 Mar 2021, 7:23 am

Off topic a bit: ironpony, can you check your messages? I sent you 2 messages about possibly making some money on your special interest in movies. At least shoot me a message to f**k off on this idea if you aren't game for a couple short ideas.


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jimmy m
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28 Mar 2021, 7:25 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would avoid both these girls like the Plague.....especially #2.

Frankly, I sense that both the girls are taking you for a fool.


Sound advice!

r00tb33r wrote:
Option 2 can put an end to employment and any chance of a good reference. Bad idea, this isn't a kindergarten playground. In adult world this will have consequences.


Sound advice!

My take is that co-worker #1 mentioned to co-worker #2 that she had a crush on you. Co-worker #2 decided she would crush this idea (and she did). So if you pursue this any further, you might inform co-worker #1 that she has been played and see what her reaction is. That will tell you if co-worker #1 is in on the deception.


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