Spinning my wheels!

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Not sure where to post this:

A bit of "a head scratcher" regarding my posts here on WP.

My discussions focus on potential approaches to "break the ice" regarding the development of friendships with people understanding/experienced with AS/NT friendships. After all, considering friendships with those experienced with........... AS/NT friendships seems most favorable, right?

My focus has been with activities the arts e.g., painting, sculpture, drawing can be those "ice breakers" allowing opportunities for adults with High Functioning Autism (HFA) to reassess their strengths in order to reassess weaknesses (weaknesses being the development of friendships).

The "head scratcher" here is why the lack of responses here on WP on relevant experiences?

I've been advised on two issues: a.) That my writing styles here on WP are sometimes difficult to understand. b.) That HFA includes difficulties in understandable communications.

(LINK) My previous three posts in this thread (as of this writing) offer further details. The 'General Autism Discussion Forum' discussion thread - 'First Time In History!! !! The NT/AS Open Hotline!'

LINK: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=102721&start=2512

What are you hoping to achieve?

Your style is pretty intellectualized. Most of the posts in The Haven are from people feeling some degree of distress. You might be, but I'm not sure how to connect with you.

I'm interested in reading about experiences here on WP from people who've benefited from AS/NT friendships.

I suggest either the General Autism Discussion or the Social Skills subforums. They will probably be more suitable.

I've posted in these forums - either my concerns "get lost in the shuffle" or again (as mentioned in original post) don't receive responses!

I'm also interested in reading about experiences here on WP from NT perspectives- that is NT experiences in encouraging successful AS/NT friendships.

ADDENDUM: LINK to WP discussion thread 'For NTs' applies in this disc. thread viewtopic.php?t=395573

I've read your posts, but usually have nothing to offer in the thread. I don't currently have friends, and though what I have with my wife is deeper than friendship, she isn't NT. Looking back over my life, most of the friends I've had seem to have been (looking back with knowledge I didn't have then) undiagnosed Aspies as well. The only friends I've had who seem to have been NT were... Well, not the type you want to "break the ice" with. More the type who saw something exploitable in me, not necessarily saying they knew I was ND or anything about it, but they obviously saw something they thought they could take advantage of, and did so (or at least tried. Most succeeded for a while.) I haven't been on WP long, but from what I've read it seems a lot of people here have similar experiences. Not everyone, certainly, and I have absolutely met good people who were NT, I'm not overgeneralizing or attacking NTs. I just haven't had any real experience with this, and that may be somewhat common here on WP. Maybe it isn't that your threads were ignored, just that most people didn't want to fluff-post something like, "I don't know anything about this, but someone will be along shortly no doubt..."

Thank-you for your response, and taking time to read my posts!

Have you considered participating in something like arts-related activities (activities orientated around developing AS/NT friendships - as I've discussed here on WP) after the pandemic is under control?

You noted the SF-Bay Region as a location. Are you in proximity to the North SF Bay Area? I've read that the North Bay Area is "ahead of the curve" regarding High Functioning Autism HFA awareness - hence does the North Bay Region offer any resources of interest to HFA?

Just being located in a metro region - there would likely be several resources of interest regarding HFA.

There are likely resources and probably groups, but I haven't looked into it. I'm still pretty early in the journey, having self-diagnosed around a year ago. Also, since I don't have any official diagnosis, I'm still not "out" IRL except with my wife. I don't doubt it in the least, neither does she after doing some research (like 2 minutes of reading and she says, "Yeah, that's totally you,") but I don't have the self-confidence to bring it up or talk about it with other people yet.
Of course, that brings me to the other point, which is that I don't actually talk to other people much. My wife and daughter and my mother-in-law, of course I talk with as we share a house. My mother-in-law knows, but we don't really talk about autism much. My daughter is 6, so not quite ready for the depth of those conversations. There's no reason for me to bring it up at work. And that's pretty much everyone. I occasionally talk to my parents, but don't see any reason to bring it up with them either (long complicated odd story, don't wanna go into it...)
I worried about not having a group of friends for a long time, until I realized that I was worried about it because everyone seemed to think it was wrong, rather than worried because it actually bothered me. As an older undiagnosed aspie, it was actually worse that way, because what worried me was that I was "being wrong" AGAIN by not wanting the huge group of friends that everyone in the world thinks I'm supposed to have. I've been "wrong" about too many things over too many years for reasons I didn't know yet, so it's just like pouring salted lemon juice into an old wound to be told I'm "wrong" for the millionth time about the millionth thing.
My socialization is pretty much this forum and one other (non-ASD-related) forum I'm on, and just on my 4 nights a week that I work. Even that's a lot for me, sometimes even too much. I would be open to friendship, I suppose, but it's not something I'm seeking out.
Anyway, I hope you do find interested, interesting people. I'm pretty sure there are some here, but it can be tricky to find them. It's a bit like casting into a large fast river, it may take a few tries before the right ones notice.

You might not be getting responses because 'the arts' is somewhat limiting. You might have gotten more responses if you were more vague and left it at something about developing friendships through 'shared activities'. There might be more people around who have done that with other activities/interests. It could be something about autism and special interests. It seems to me anyway, that special interests can be personal to people and something they do solo. Point with that is if you are spending all your free time on your special interest, you might not have the time or desire left to find an activity to use as a launch point for developing friendships. It could be that a majority of people here haven't made many friends even through activities. I dunno.

Personally, I do draw sometimes, paint a little here and there too. I draw for me. I don't care to show my drawings to others or look at theirs. For me, that kind of art is an outlet I just feel like doing now and then. The idea of doing something like taking a drawing class for social purposes also turns me off. It would ruin the whole thing for me, turning it into a chore/headache/potential nightmare instead of something pleasant. So, on that note, I didn't respond because even though I draw, it's not an experience I've had, since I've never cared to use it to try to make friends. I'm also not prone to stressing having little or no friends, so I'm not interested in finding ways to make new friends. I'm good with what I have right now. I didn't think I had anything relevant to contribute, so I didn't respond.

Thank-you for your responses!

Feedback in this discussion thread is very helpful!

Once the pandemic is under control, people will be eager for group activities. There will likely be new activities programs developed; that is activities orientated around experiences with successful AS/NT acquaintances.

Yes, I've been advised about how my writing styles, word choices, semantics, etc. etc. can yield confusion.

Lately, I've reconsidered my written perspectives on becoming acquainted with new people; as living-proof of what happens when one tries to put words to the............unwritten rules of social skills, friendships, etc. etc.

ADDENDUM: The WP discussion thread 'To NTs' is well..........slowly "breaking the ice" yet, alot more follow-through is necessary! viewtopic.php?t=395573