Lonely

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I have always tried making a family for myself in different ways. I don't know how, and at this point, I'm really losing hope. I try not to, because that's what leads me to suicidal thoughts. I literally am not interested in living without connecting with other people. I wish I was content to, but I am not. I think it would be very nice to belong with a group of people who all help and support one another. I think it would be the best. My closest friend left in January, and in the same week, I split with my boyfriend.

I held him when he cried. I had hoped he would sit with me while I cry. People don't like doing that. Like it's too much work or something. I would really like to not have to cry alone anymore.

I really want a cat, a lazy one that will nap and snack with me. And I can give it all the extra love in my heart that people don't appreciate. But I can't.

I just hurt all the time.

I'm pretty lonely most of the time. I'd lend you my plush cat, she's lazy.

I don't know what type of music you like, but music often brings me joy. Lots of us can identify with this feeling of being lonely and just wanting to be loved. I hope this song of love can bring you some happiness.

We're here.

Am knowing this lonilyness stuff for a long time now , and notice people just don’t seem. To know how to even begin to react to others depth of emotion it seems. Have my own stuffed plushy teddy , but they don’t get much attn these days . They are so soft . Am sorry for that but am limited in my abilities to interact , as some of my less visible disabilities have become more awkward to deal with day to day requirements of just getting things done .
So I do not have big expectations of my situations changing soon .but I do wish to send hugs out to all of you who might need them. Btw love that Beatles song .

be with people who are deserving of ]rate having] you. accept no less even if it results in loneliness.

Agreed, although in my case it is more a desire to want to find someone I can love instead...

To the OP

It is ok to not be able to connect. I have never found a human I can truely connect to, even my own family. I have loved them in my own way (although most of the ones I was closest to are deceased now) and did have an attachment to them to one degree or another but there has always been a disconnect between me and them. Almost as if there is a shield between us.

Personally I find I can develop attachments to things more easily than I can to people. IE I used to have a bike called Penny, and for some reason I loved her as though she was a person, I used to talk to her like she was a person but I no longer have her.

I am ok with not being able to connect to other humans, it is just the way I am, I simply cannot relate to them and have never been able to. I don't understand them or their mind or what goes on it and its one of the primary reasons I wanted to study psychology when I was younger. Humans confuse me.

Perhaps accepting that there is no one to connect to right now in your life is the easiest way to go?

There is a fundamental difference between what you want and what OP wants. Please do not suggest "accept it" to people who *want* a connection with people.

After some gaslighting by people who pretended to be my friend in 2020, humiliating me, I have returned to low expectations in 2021. It is easier. It is still miserable. I am not accepting it.

I feel the same way (hugs).

I dont know how to edit a post, but thank you all for your kind words. It means a lot.

This is a good piece of advise .

Well, I hope it would be reciprocal, accept no less. I hope you both find someone deserving of your love.

Would you like to brainstorm possible ways to build an alternative extended family? (I ask because, in the Haven, we're not supposed to give advice unless the person specifically asks for advice rather than just emotional support.) This could be a worthwhile discussion for many of us, in my opinion.

If you would like to discuss this, what are some of the ways that you have already tried (unsuccessfully) to make a family for yourself?

Perhaps a subset forum could be dedicated to this idea of building an extended family as specific topic or forum ,or visa versa a topic in a extended forum. With an eye towards latitude of ideas and things to try .
Just my opinion. Have attempted light humour for my own methods. But humour does not always get across to people in the written word .

I have personally found that radical acceptance is a pretty big help in processing feelings of loneliness. To be clear, radical acceptance doesn't mean that you just lay down and rot. But critically looking at the facts and accepting your current situation, without assigning blame or judgement, is the first step to being able to change. First you make peace with your situation and let go of the angst that comes from it. Then with a clearer perspective and cooler head, you start working to change it. At least that is roughly what I was taught in dialectical behavioral therapy.

I also struggle with these feelings, I never get past acquaintances with people, most of my family is overseas, and my parents can't single-handedly make up for me having no real social network. I am on some fundamental level different from most people and so even though I am good at going through the motions I rarely click with others to the point where I regularly feel understood. It sucks, it's a bad situation to be in. I used to try and assign blame for it, usually by self-hatred, or seeing everyone else as shallow or some other nasty adjective. In truth, I just have bad social skills, and this is probably just because my brain/personality has some odd quirks. It's nobody's fault, it's who I am. But hopefully I can start to use my strengths and work on my weaknesses and meet people. Until I get to that point, I have no choice but to try and face the present with a healthy outlook. I still occasionally despair, but I think I have more good days than bad days (at least when it comes to loneliness).

Explain how would you define "family." I have never had a serious romantic relationship or kid, and people in my family tree make the most toxic relationships you can imagine. However I have had a few close relationships with various neighbors that I wish I could regain with because I lost contact with them as few times where all hell broke loose for reasons that was by no means their fault but I had to regroup and move so many times and never fully and accurately memorized their contact information.