Board index › Coping in life › The Haven

The world is not designed for aspies

Page 1 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Highly_Autistic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 22 Aug 2018
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 353

08 Jun 2021, 8:19 am

What do you suggest to not feel odd / ostracized and be happy? At least decrease the amount of stress. I dont think i can live like this for the rest of life.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

08 Jun 2021, 8:31 am

Highly_Autistic wrote:
What do you suggest to not feel odd / ostracized and be happy? ...
One of the biggest obstacles to happiness is worrying over what over people think of you.

Once I stopped, my whole life changed for the better.



Steve1963
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2020
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,012
Location: western MA, USA

08 Jun 2021, 8:36 am

Yes...but how does one stop?



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

08 Jun 2021, 8:41 am

Steve1963 wrote:
Yes...but how does one stop?
How does one stop doing anything?  By simply not doing it!



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,798

08 Jun 2021, 8:46 am

Steve1963 wrote:
Yes...but how does one stop?

Prepare a short script for yourself, and introduce it into your self-talk.

An example would be, "I'm OK, they're OK, we don't need to be best buds." But put it in your own words.


_________________
A finger in every pie.


Steve1963
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2020
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,012
Location: western MA, USA

08 Jun 2021, 8:55 am

Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
Yes...but how does one stop?
How does one stop doing anything?  By simply not doing it!
If it were that simple there would be no fat people as all they would need to do is stop over-eating.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

08 Jun 2021, 8:58 am

Steve1963 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
Yes...but how does one stop?
How does one stop doing anything?  By simply not doing it!
If it were that simple there would be no fat people as all they would need to do is stop over-eating.
There are all kinds of lame excuses why people will not quit doing something that hurts them.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,533
Location: Right over your left shoulder

08 Jun 2021, 8:58 am

Most people aren't autistic, so the world is designed by not-us and designed for not-us.


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,533
Location: Right over your left shoulder

08 Jun 2021, 8:59 am

Steve1963 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
Yes...but how does one stop?
How does one stop doing anything?  By simply not doing it!
If it were that simple there would be no fat people as all they would need to do is stop over-eating.


Not overeating would fix it for a portion of people, even if some have more complicated causes.


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,798

08 Jun 2021, 9:01 am

Fnord wrote:
There are all kinds of lame excuses why people will not quit doing something that hurts them.

That's not a very loving point of view. What are your lame excuses for being so harsh on people?


_________________
A finger in every pie.


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

08 Jun 2021, 9:04 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
There are all kinds of lame excuses why people will not quit doing something that hurts them.
That's not a very loving point of view. What are your lame excuses for being so harsh on people?
I know no more effective way to get the point across, even though we both know people for whom it does not work.



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,798

08 Jun 2021, 9:08 am

Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
There are all kinds of lame excuses why people will not quit doing something that hurts them.
That's not a very loving point of view. What are your lame excuses for being so harsh on people?
I know no more effective way to get the point across, even though we both know people for whom it does not work.

Yes, we do.


_________________
A finger in every pie.


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

08 Jun 2021, 9:12 am

Back to the topic...

This may seem strange, but what I do every morning is flip myself off in the mirror.  Then I smile at my reflection.

Weird, sure, but because I can laugh off "The Bird" in secret, I can more easily ignore insults in public.



Steve1963
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2020
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,012
Location: western MA, USA

08 Jun 2021, 9:24 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
There are all kinds of lame excuses why people will not quit doing something that hurts them.

That's not a very loving point of view. What are your lame excuses for being so harsh on people?
I know, right? It's as simple as just stopping being harsh, right? :roll:



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

08 Jun 2021, 9:28 am

The way to eventually not be ostracized....is not to care if you are ostracized. It's on the people who are doing the ostracizing, not on you.

I knew I was ostracized for no good reason; and I felt quite lonely back when I went to high school.

But I knew I had to offset the ostracism somehow, find a way to offset it.

So I started writing poetry.....



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

08 Jun 2021, 9:33 am

Steve1963 wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
There are all kinds of lame excuses why people will not quit doing something that hurts them.
That's not a very loving point of view. What are your lame excuses for being so harsh on people?
I know, right? It's as simple as just stopping being harsh, right?
I can play all nicey-nice, like some dewy-eyed flower child, but that would only perpetuate the problem...

"Oh, don't worry so much. You're a nice guy. I'm sure everyone likes you and wants to see you do well..."  :eew:

Tell me how that solves anything.

The point is that the OP asked for advice, and I provided some that actually works.  Then you came along and criticized me for it.  Why do you not offer some workable advice of your own instead?