I'm nervous about the trip to Chicago with my fiancee

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salad
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09 Jun 2021, 12:41 am

I just got engaged today and to celebrate my engagement I am going on a vacation with my fiancee to Chicago to have fun and sight see. The trip to Chicago from Duluth is over 7 hours, possibly 8, and in that trip I will be in the car with my fiancee, as well as my sister chaperones since in Islam until a couple is officially married and had the wedding all contact with one's fiancee has to be under strict supervision from adult family members acting as chaperones.

The thing I worry about is that im really bad at small talk, social conversations, and all that stuff that couples normally do together. I'm going to be in the car with her for over 8 hours and feel nervous. Being in a strict Muslim culture where all contact with the opposite sex, including cousins, was strictly forbidden, I have 0 experience with conversing with woman and talking to them normally. I even went to a strict Muslim private school where boys and girls sat in different classrooms and were separated at all times.

Sure ive known my fiancee from University, we saw each other several times at the gym I go to, and she's talked with me before, but almost all of our conversations were her initiating them and usually whenever I talked with her it was always about serious stuff, like school projects or working out - I dont know how to have an entertaining conversation to save my life.

I feel a lot like Prince Zuko from "Avatar the Last Airbender" when he went on his 1st date:



Like Zuko I'm not very playful, suck at small talk, am very serious and stern, and am not used to the subtler arts of romance and love with another woman. This feels challenging.

I'm considered too serious and stern, and now I have to learn to be entertaining and fun. Here goes nothing.


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Mountain Goat
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09 Jun 2021, 2:42 am

Do not worry. I am sure all will be fine. Talk about what you see on your journey? Just enjoy. :)


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kraftiekortie
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09 Jun 2021, 8:27 am

Talk about your family. That's always the great icebreaker.

Is she from Duluth, too? If so, talk about Duluth. Maybe about Duluth-specific issues that don't make you upset.

Or maybe about Minneapolis-specific issues that don't involve cops.

As you know, Prince was from the Twin Cities, and Bob Dylan was from both Duluth and Hibbing.



BeaArthur
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09 Jun 2021, 8:35 am

A good conversational gambit is to ask the other person questions about themselves. Not necessarily probing for information, but let's say the conversation touches on Bob Dylan and Prince, you could ask "Do you like their music?" or "Are you very familiar with...." The point is, most people like to talk about themselves, and if you can learn to draw them out in that way, they will think you're a wonderful conversationalist!

You do tend to get a little inflamed on certain topics, so a good growth exercise would be to try to notice when you're doing that, and cut back.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jun 2021, 10:14 am

Wasn’t she a friend and classmate before? How else she fell in love with you if you two never had conversations before?