Can autistic adults live independently ?

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Highly_Autistic
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04 Jun 2021, 12:54 pm

I have aspergers syndrome and im too insecure about this. Im still living with my parents.



Fireblossom
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05 Jun 2021, 2:46 am

Of course; there are many who do. I might not count as entirely independent since my parents still cover my phone bill (they got some cheap group deal and say that because of that they don't mind) and they live about a 20 minute car drive away, so if anything urgent comes up, they're pretty much just a call away. I also ask them advice from time to time, but I suppose that doesn't take away the possibility of being independent since many NTs, especially the young ones, do this too even though they have moved out of their childhood home.

What life skills do you have? Can you cook, keep the house clean? Pay the bills, get around with a car of your own or can you manage in public transportation? When thinking about living on your own, checking what basic skills you have and what you need to work on is one of the preferred first steps.



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05 Jun 2021, 4:39 am

I do to a large extent, the problem is I that cannot cope if something goes wrong that requires somebody to come and fix it, or to install an item that I can't install myself. So I've got various issues with broken or damaged things (due to wear) around the house that haven't been addressed for years. Avoiding neighbours is another problem, but I usually manage to do this and I think they've realised by now that's it's pointless trying to engage me in a conversation. They probably all think I'm very strange, but harmless as I keep myself to myself and don't make any noise or trouble.



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05 Jun 2021, 5:25 am

It isn't unusual for a person of 23 to still be living at home.


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05 Jun 2021, 6:04 am

Your parents are basically just older roommates. If you have a good relationship with your parents they are also great roommates.

If you are paying your share of bills, spend your money, buy groceries, cook, do your chores, you are pretty much living independently even if you live with your parents.

If it makes sense financially, if you can save more money for your future, get better education in less stressful conditions, etc. there is no reason to move out unless you have a specific reason to, like having more privacy or moving in with your SO.



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05 Jun 2021, 8:08 am

A great deal can. I still live at home with my mother but have no real reason to move out yet and I'm 30 and many more are older than me and still live with parents. So long as an aspie isn't blinkered to the costs and realities of moving out the vast majority should be fine.

That being said, my boss who owns a company making 50 million a year got scuppered ordering a pizza to his house after he forgot his own post code after years of living at the same address. To this day I never found out if he got his pizza.

It can vary a bit I think but the broad answer is yes they can live independently.



AnonymousAnonymous
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05 Jun 2021, 4:59 pm

Highly_Autistic wrote:
I have aspergers syndrome and im too insecure about this. Im still living with my parents.


Absolutely!

A supportive housing firm helped my find my first apartment, which I will
move into the Summer of next year.


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09 Jun 2021, 10:54 am

It is definitely possible. It sounds like you already have a good idea of what the challenges are, which is the first step to finding solutions.

You might try writing down a list of all of the things which pose obstacles to living independently, and a separate list of your assets and abilities, then look at them side-by-side and try to come up with ways to leverage your assets into solutions.

Also, keep in mind that absolute independence is a bit of a myth. We all need a little help to get along. When we help each other, it's called being a society.

My wife and I help each other do things that we have trouble doing ourselves. For example, she's good at talking to people on the phone and getting bills paid, but she can't put things away, bathe the pets, or make her own breakfast so I do these things for her. We like to joke that "together we make one well-functioning adult", and each of us feels like we get the better end of the deal. Co-dependence can be a solution.

Living independently is a process, and there are obstacles nowadays forcing a lot of people to stay at their parents' house longer than previous generations did. Plan it out, learn from mistakes, and keep coming up with solutions, and you should be able to achieve it.



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09 Jun 2021, 11:17 am

There's no doubt that a relatively "high-functioning" autistic adult could live independently.

Some might need a little assistance in the transition from dependence to independence. Then again, some "normal" people also need a little assistance in this area.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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09 Jun 2021, 11:28 am

I have been on my own since I was a teen. I will be honest not having supports resulted in a lot of abuse. With that said, for the last few years or so I have been on my own again (without a roommate or anything), and it is a wonderful experience. I pay all my bills, have my own car, make my own schedule. My parents are both dead, and I have no family for thousands of miles. I am alone and have been for a while now besides my two kids. More and more I appreciate the aloneness and look forward to being an empty nester one day.

I think making sure you have a good way to make money and take care of yourself is the first step. Some sort of in-demand job that allows you to live at the standards that make you most comfortable and provides you with many options for work.

Also, going to college if you do, it might be a good idea to live on campus to try to learn what it's like or plan some away trips for yourself or stay with family prior to moving out just to see what it's like on your own.

Good luck!



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09 Jun 2021, 12:48 pm

There you have it, Highly_Autistic: the consensus is that autistic adults can indeed live independently - although there may be some challenges. And most everybody agreed that it is desirable to do so if you can swing the expense, etc.

No rush, but start thinking about the skills you will need for this, and identify nonresidential supports to help you out if you get overwhelmed with anything.


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11 Jun 2021, 9:19 am

Of course it's possible, especially since there's a huge spectrum of autistics.. some will need healthcare professional supports 24/7 around the clock for life, others will be fiercely independent & highly successful in careers and finances etc. That's just the nature of how varied autism is.

I lived on my own for more than a year in my 20's. I rented from my parents, then from one of my brothers after he bought the house after that. Then I had my own place, then lived at a friend's place, and currently rent from my parents because it works - rent/housing is astronomically expensive where I live.. so, if I rented elsewhere I'd pay nearly double for rent + utilities etc, or at least 50% more if I had a roommate in the area.

But anyways, I'm mostly replying to say OF COURSE autistic adults can live independently.. have you never even heard of a hermit before?!?!? :D


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kraftiekortie
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11 Jun 2021, 9:22 am

I've been out on my own since 1981, 40 years ago.



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11 Jun 2021, 9:26 am

I left my parents' house in 1975 without knowing I had anything like autism or "PDD/NOS+PTSD".  Sure, I experienced a few setbacks, but I survived them and prospered.  Other people, with more severe conditions, might not be capable of living independently; but they will never know for certain unless they try.



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11 Jun 2021, 9:48 am

Hi:
Yes, there are people who live on the spectrum who are very independent and while not all of them have hold careers, they are able to hold down a job and find a place they can afford. People can learn to be independent of they have another friend who has a disability who happens to live on their own. That person can practice being independent by staying with that friend and practice doing their share of chores, grocery shopping and cooking while learning to get around.

It also helps if a parent or a family member empowers the individual be teaching them basic life skills as well. Meanwhile if the family member goes out of town, have them either live in a basement apartment or go away on weekends so they can practice taking care of themselves.



IsabellaLinton
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11 Jun 2021, 1:09 pm

I moved out from my parents to go to university at 18 and I never went back. I lived with friends at school but I was self-sufficient in terms of finding housing and being responsible. Later I had a full-time career and I lived with my partner for a short period of time. I've been a single parent and also an adoptive parent for over 25 years, since my kids were babies. In short I'm independent as a homeowner, and I pay all the bills for myself on top of single-parenting. So yes, we can be independent and we can manage just fine. I'm assessed as having Moderate Autism (Level 2 - Requiring Substantial Support) and ADHD, as well as many other co-morbids. I've also suffered two strokes but I've survived to tell the tale.

That being said, it's tough. The demands of my career were exhausting and caused several debilitating breakdowns. My father used to help with some of the home maintenance and repairs but he passed away nearly twenty years ago so now I'm flying solo with contractors and tradespeople. I have investments including the ownership of two homes and half ownership of a third with my friend. I rely on a lot of people to help (e.g., a financial advisor in particular). I refuse to live with a partner, or my mother, again. I like being on my own even though it's really hard sometimes. I can be easily overwhelmed or have meltdowns from the stress and responsibility but I'd have it no other way.

Despite this I fully appreciate that some people don't have this ability. My daughter for instance, is in her 20s and she's also ASD / ADHD. I don't see her being financially or emotionally equipped to live on her own. She may never be ready. She's more than welcome to live with me for the rest of her life if that's her choice. I think it's increasingly hard for young people today regardless of their neurotype, and I also think that communal living / multigenerational housing with family should be more widely accepted. There's no shame in living with parents or even grandparents whether it's for economic, social, or developmental reasons. Some people just don't like being alone. I don't think it's smart to rush into cohabitation or marriage with people just to leave one's parents. In many cases that's far worse for a person's sense of self. Living alone when you aren't equipped / able is also disastrous for some people.

Everyone is different. For me, it's just been my stubborn nature and my ardent desire to be alone as much as humanly possible. It's not that I'm particularly well-equipped at doing this all by myself.


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