So fed up and lonely

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We hardly get any visitors go to see us, only one or two of my boyfriend's family very occasionally and they don't stay very long. Since the pandemic hit I seem to have lost contact with some of my friends, as some of them aren't the talking on the phone type and haven't been wanting to mingle since COVID, despite having the vaccines. I know I have my family, and I'm glad I do. But I live quite far away from them and it's more convenient for me to go visit them then it is for them to visit me, but I can only do that once a fortnight because of work.
OK I'm happy at work and I'm one of the team, which is good. I suppose going to work is the only time I get to socialise.

My boyfriend doesn't work and just sits watching TV or sleeping during the day. I lack motivation and I comfort eat, which is making me look fat and ugly. I don't like going out because I feel self-conscious because I feel like people keep staring at me, probably because I'm fat and naturally I'm not a fat person, so my body is all out of shape.

I just feel bored with my life. We've got no money to be able to take a vacation or decorate the apartment (all my wages and his benefits go on bills and rent). Life is boring and depressing for me. Everyone around me is having fun. Me and my boyfriend live like a pair of 75-year-olds.


Also this summer is a cold wash-out, so it's not even pleasant going down to the beach because it's too wet and cold. We've got nothing but rain. It's so depressing.

Cycling be an idea?

Or exploring old abandoned railway lines?

I also feel unattractive. Whenever I open my camera on my phone and it is facing my way I am shocked by how hideous I look. My face is literally square, my eyes are small, and I look like Miss Trunchball from Matilda. I'm hoping to God I don't look like that in real life. But I seem to look different in every mirror that I look in too, so it frightens me that I don't know what I truly look like.
But I feel like my female cousins are prettier than me, with or without makeup. I can't even put my hair in a nice style, because I'm all fingers and thumbs, even if I watch YouTube videos on how to put your hair in different styles such as the "messy bun" look.
I was thinking of restyling my hair completely, but I feel too unconfident to walk into places like work with a different hairstyle, even if it means I'll look attractive. I think I'm scared of compliments, or if someone doesn't like my new look (even though they won't say, I can still tell), or if I don't like my new look, I don't know. I wish I had got my hair styled before I started my current job, so that it would be how I've always looked to the people I work with.

But I know I'll stop getting my family saying I look like Neil from The Young Ones. There's nothing worse than looking like some unattractive man when you're a woman. No wonder other women stare at me as they pass me in the street. It's the reason I haven't been outside for the past 5 days (I've been on holiday from work). I'm too unattractive to go out and I feel like other women laugh at me.

You have your lovely man so it does not matter how you look. He loves you and that's what matters! Beauty is to attract your significent lover, and you have already done that. He saw and he still sees the beauty you have. Nothing else matters... You are a success!


Now there are places to explore. Things to do. Quiet places... Nice places! Beaches where even in the summer they only have a few people on them if that. Abandoned castles which are free to explore and rarely crowded where they have free entry as they are made relitively safe. We have a fair few castles like this in Wales and some of them are exceedingly impressive!

There are abandoned railway lines which are now cycle paths.
There are mountain walks to explore... Old historic remains of mines and quarries... Lots to do and see!
Pack some lunch and off you go!

Actually, I prefer the beach when it is buzzing with people because I like the atmosphere. In the UK the only time the beach isn't busy is when it's cold or raining or windy, which this summer seems to be this year, so I don't get the same satisfaction.

It’ll get better, weatherwise, in the UK soon.

I agree that COVID has made many people less attractive, or at least feel less attractive! Count me in the number that's put on weight.

I know I'm not very attractive looking at the moment. I have wash-and-wear hair that makes crazy shapes in the wisps around my face, no make-up skills, ugly worn out clothes, poor skin/facial blemishes, so much extra weight I'm technically obese now, and an odd slow walk due to temporary joint issues. I don't think people laugh at me, though. I think most people are too busy with their own matters to be walking around judging the appearance of every stranger they see. I just keep to myself when I'm out and people don't usually talk to me, unless it's a friendly comment about my kids who are with me.

Would it make you feel less conspicuous to put on a hat and sunglasses? You'll feel better if you can get out to a happy place. I love Mountain Goat's ideas.

I'm just feeling really depressed at the moment. That type of depression where you feel alone.

Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I should no longer care about how attractive I am. With women it's not always about attracting a mate, it's more about social approval and attention. People tend to be drawn more to people who are attractive, and feeling attractive does help with confidence and self-esteem. I think it's different with guys, once they are happy in a relationship they no longer care whether they're attractive or not.

It's not just that, I just feel that other people are having a better time than I am. I'm jealous of my two female cousins. One of them is super confident, bright and has a well-paid job. The other is not as confident and not as bright and is in a low-paid job but has never suffered any anxiety or depression for as long as I've known her (which is all my life). She just wades through life with her head in the clouds and goes along with whatever her boyfriend is doing. But me, I'm neither bright or confident or in a well-paid job and I overthink and worry about everything and I am just tormented by my own emotions and thoughts.

I even feel like the only person in England who isn't watching England play in the finals tonight. Even my cousin, who is usually intellectually disengaged with any sport, trends, media, politics, etc, is putting all over Facebook how excited she is about football tonight. I wish I had that kind of enthusiasm right now. But instead I just want to cry. I'm back at work tomorrow, and I want to go back for the sake of some sort of socialisation with a group, but at the same time I don't want to go back because I just want to shut myself away from the world. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I know what you mean.

And I’m glad you’re going to work tomorrow.

My job, at times, has saved me from feeling seriously depressed.

I didn't watch the football. I have just found out that Italy won.

What are you winning about...you have a boyfriend, go be with him.

some have no one, be grateful