Suddenly lost a friend

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I don't quite know how I feel but someone I considered a good friend and who I thought I would be friends with for a good while just sent me a long message about how it was best to not be friends anymore and then blocked me. They said it was because they felt like they couldn't deal with such an emotionally intense friendship at the moment and that they thought it would be better for me. He wrote a lot that it was more about him than it was about me but I still now feel like a complete failure. I really struggle with friendships because I either forget to communicate enough even when I care or I get too paranoid that they actually don't like me and panic by temporarily cutting them off. What hurts more is that apparently he had been thinking about this for awhile but when I panicked and blocked him because I thought he hated me that is what triggered him deciding to end friendship with me completely. I know it is stupid and my fault but I really thought that the support that I offered when I could and my care would make up for my reactions to perceived abandonment. I love my friends so much and try so hard to help them as much as I can. But I caused myself to be abandoned.... I just... I keep thinking about how he could have such in deoth convos with me when for the past three weeks to a month he was thinking about cutting me out of his life. What makes this more confusing is that there was a lot of "right now" and "for now"s in his long message, meaning that I have to also prepare for the fact he might speak to me again. He's blocked me now so I'm not going to try and contact him, but I really wish I could have responded :/. He probably doesn't even care that much and here I am crying, embarrassing.

I hate myself so much right now, my feelings meant that someone couldn't even bear to be my friend. I have fully decided that I'm not going to show my feelings to those I'm close too anymore as he also left because he couldn't handle my mental illness. Idk, I just feel so rejected and we have some of the same friends so he will 100% turn up on my timeline eventually... I feel humiliated too because we spoke normally before this and everything seemed fine. How am I ever supposed to trust friendships again. At least I learnt now rather than later that I'm too much to handle but this just confirms to me that I'm going to be lonely in the future. I almost had a panic attack at first but now I just feel empty.

How would you suggest I make myself feel better? I don't know what to do and this happened during a time where I feel guilty for even being alive. Thank you for reading.

TLDR; I just wasn't enough for someone and am now feeling down.

There are many friends for you in here. Don't worry.

Think about getting excellent grades on your O-Levels.

If this person was 17, like I think you are, the person probably would have a hard time handling intense emotions. I know I did at 17.

This doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It just means you’re young.

I've lost quite a few friends, but a lot of them I'm way better off not being with anymore. I have several.

1.Take this one jerk from Austria who I've been his friend for about since 2012. He interrupted my Discord to yell out that I was "forcing" him to watch a Tabletop simulator match that I was hosting in my Discord with Warhammer.

2.This recent guy rage quit the discord because I implemented a turn taking rule for AOW3.

Being a discord founder will have this happen to you, people will turn on you in an instant and show no remorse. Take heart and move on, the trash always takes itself out.

I’m so sorry lvpin. It really hurts to lose a friend. Big hugs.

NO hating yourself allowed here....! !! !!

You've been told....'wagging of finger' and 'poking of tongue'

Kiss, hug, compassion, kindness, love and acceptance is all you will find here.

I know SO WELL how you feel. Though I haven’t had much useful experience with friendships over the past decade, I remember the trauma of losing my best friend in high school. Our insecurities and fear of abandonment cause a tumultuous ride for ourselves and the people we love.

My friend disappeared without a word. Refused to talk to me. It was so sudden, or more likely I was just oblivious to the signs.

Several years later she caught my email address and apologized, but still offered no explanation.

I offered my forgiveness. And never heard from her again.

We’re clingy and confusing. Your friend is probably having a difficult time dealing with outbursts. If he’s using terms like “for now” I would like to believe he just needs a break.

I won’t give you any obtuse advice that you’ve probably heard a thousand times over, but I would like to encourage you. It sounds like you were really close. And I think you may be again. He talked to you, explained his struggle, and that’s a positive.

And if he doesn’t come back… I mean it sucks. It hurts. Beyond anything else.

But over time you’ll be able to breathe again. I promise.

And eventually, he’ll be just a footnote.

You can still move forward, and you still have value as a person.

I’m extremely fresh to WP, and to the world of Autism, but your specific pain is familiar to me. My heart hurts for you.
Be loved.