My life is a huge mess

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I have been bullied badly by hundreds of people in my life due to my autism. All my bullies are having the time of their lives where I don't even have a minimal wage job. I haven't been able to hold hands with a woman despite being 25! I am basically a textbook loser. I can't even sleep most nights without seeing a nightmare about the bullying.

Life is just ridiculous. If you an outcast in school, chances are high that you will be a failure. Good/bad is just a human concept and it doesn't matter if someone bullies you into killing yourself. There's no consequence or karma for what they did. Life will just keep going on like nothing happened. All this is so depressing. I really don't see much point of living in a world where there is peace and happiness for people who done me wrong. Even if I somehow manage success and a comfortable life, they won't ever pay s**t for doing what they did to me. That thought alone is enough to make me quit living. Most bullying victims have a bad ending in life and I am sure my life's not gonna end in a good way. Either I kill myself out of pure suffering or I snap one day at someone and get sent to jail where I might get raped. Things are not looking good.

I still get bullied, standing up for myself does nothing, the only way is to seriously hurt the bully physically or mentally but that will put me in legal troubles. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I am sorry you experienced bullying, many of us did and you are right, there seems to be no consequences to their actions at all. I have come to the conclusion that some people are Just sadistic, they have no conscience whatsoever and can harm people however they like without feeling a semblance of guilt.

I also stili dream of my classmates from school, looking at me like i am a disgusting freak. And i wasn't even seriously bullied just ignored.

I recommend getting therapy for the negative thoughts you have. Even if you don't feel like it Will help try to get rid of those memories and stop ruminating on those evil people. Everyone will die someday either way, even those people having the time of their life. There is no rush for you to die either, nothing is permanent. There is no reason to make an early exit from life.

Know what?  Being an outcast is not so bad.  It means I am able to be myself without concern for what other people think.  It also means that my successes are my own, and no one else can take credit for them.  Further, when my 'detractors' come to me for handouts, I remind each one of them that they never did anything for my personal benefit, so I owe them no favors.

Being an outcast may not be as pleasant; but it does have its advantages.  Remember the opening scene from The Godfather?  Read it, study it, and learn from it.  I have used variations of the Godfather's words on several of those 'detractors' I mentioned.  Most leave in silence.  Some leave in tears.  They all just simply leave.

I hear you. I wish you felt better but I understand how difficult that can be sometimes. I don't have an answer for you. I wish I did. I've been depressed before, I finally got over it. It just happened somehow. It took a long time. I think it's good that you are still thinking of your future, even if it looks bad to you. I had reached the point where I avoided thinking about the future. That was a dark place to be. The future is where we keep our hope. We only find it there.

I'm writing this as soon as I saw your post so you would get a response sooner. I've had anxiety just waiting for someone to respond with anything. I want to help, but I don't know how.

In what way are you being bullied?

I'm not dismissing you being bullied. I was bullied when I was younger.

Do they do this on your job?

I'm still called "shorty." I'm short. 5 foot 5.

Your "babyface" will go a long way once you reach my age of 60.

I'm "slow" in some ways, too.

However cliché, it's important to remember that what people do/say to you is a reflection of their worth, not your own. In any case, it definitely helps to find a creative or physical outlet as a means to counteract memories of abuse. The experiences might be trash, but they can be recycled or at least compartmentalized.

try to ignore bullies are tits