Not being able to make friends is frightening me

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It's an interesting question I've often wondered about Blabs. Where is the border between HFA and NTs? who is right at the edge?

i would look at big business and hollywood - bill gates/steve jobs, dan ackroyd, daryl hannah, crispin glover. my oldest brother. the founder of this site.

Also how functional do you need to be to be successful. For example Elon Musk is the highest profile autistic person in the world right now. He has more money, ,more women and more admiration (I certainly admire his innovation and aspirations) than any other individual on the planet. He is ahead of his time (literally a modern day Nicola Tesla). But Elon is awful at social skills. But he manages and thrives.

IF you have enough moolah AND IF you are smart enough, you can brute-force your way through any kind of life. as Nietzsche said, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."

Hm, nah. Not even necessarily be NT-emulating either.
The standards are too high in my opinion. Luck and circumstances (genius, being rich) also plays.

But I get the gist of where 'enough' is -- without the brute forcing and all the privileged stuff.

In a vague order;
No major EF issues (directly or indirectly), especially to do with emotional regulation and awareness -- may count unmanageable ADHD out
No major mental health issues (circumstantial or otherwise) -- may count unmanageable emotional issues in general out
Balanced average IQ -- if not balanced or with learning disability, then is well compensated in any way
Social awareness age of (NT)18+ or at least basic grasp of social gestalt and paying enough attention to the latest trends
High school language level -- not necessarily formal or informal
Inconsequential or no alexithymia -- meaning, alexithymia that does not conjunct with communication issues, learning disabilities and varying personality disorders
Compensated through nonverbal aptitude (visual and motor) or no dyssemia -- dyssemia is the term for inability to give and receive social cues properly -- may count some cases of NVLD out
Non-disabling dyspraxia -- no oral dyspraxia
Attention span of age (NT)14+
Basic social grasp (wearing clothes, grasping the idea of speech is a communication tool, etc.), basic sense of self/other, etc -- which counts most IDs out.


Yes, social motivation is optional.

I'm sure this ain't all of them. Anyone's welcome to add some.
And one doesn't have to get all of them. Also some may overlap.

Do you think he (Elon) "brute forced" his way though?

on the lower end of brilliance, brute force + finesse is the way, but on the high end of brilliance it is brutal finesse all the way.

Interesting, I suppose its possible he did both. He quite obviously on the strange side of the spectrum but millions of people love him. Heck! thousands of people are willing to die for him putting their lives on the line for SpaceX mars base.

a charismatic aspie, who'd a'thunk it?

^^^^^^^ agrees^^^^^^ Have learned loads today .. been thinking my mimicking was all there was to it.
but sorely that has caused me much grief in attempting even surface relationships . And certainly not underdtood why . This internal process of not having adequate mirror neurons . Is now i understand to be the issue. Now seems just added to the futility of attempting even platonic relationships.
Feels very defeating . May add " mood matching" to my attempts to fit my round self into that square peg hole.

re: the mirror nuerons. This is only a theory. And even if its causal, you can still maximise (with effort) the abilities you might have.

I was going to write a seperate thread on this but I thought I'd better not, but I must get this off my chest and see what you think. Here goes. I am worrying that I'm no better than an incel or I'm basically an incel, but instead of being a young guy with no relationship, I'm a woman with severe insecruties about being on the spectrum and having limited ability to make friends. I get hostile about society for not understanding autism or not wanting to be my friend. I feel inferior and worthless. I was treated like I didn't matter through high school, which got me believing that I didn't matter. I've spent years angrily running myself down on this forum. I've always been angry and unaccepting of my diagnosis. I'm often told here that it's society's fault I don't have many friends, and that NTs are 'allowed' to bully us because it's just natural and part of the 'social food chain' or whatever it is, which means that it must just be accepted and that we basically deserve it (like NT people are allowed to call us names to our faces but we're not allowed to call them names and instead must be tactful in order to not hurt their feelings). I get jealous and bitter when my cousins have social lives. I feel trapped by my autism and angry about it. Is there a term for this? Is is still called incel?

And where did this (bolded) statement really came from?
Ever thought it came from an actual 'incel' or some other angry misanthrophy when you're not supposed to embody misanthrophy yourself because you've expressed a lot of social desires for that.

Not a friend version of 'incel' as defined by popular internet culture.
If you are, then you had to be a misanthrope, just as 'incels' are typically misogynistic.

I'd say you're conditioned to believe stuff. Outdated stuff. Again, you are stuck at some stages and unable to move on.


What I believe your label is? It's called being lonely.


And.. If one believes in that bolded statement -- one had to admit they're a misanthropic and a sour grape.

... And your goal's the opposite. Your desires the opposite. Think about it. And, I highly doubt that you're a social sour grape.

Think about what you believe so far and contrast it with what you want in life and what resonates you, in fact.
Have you examined beliefs that either do or do not serve you so far?

Seeing as this site is filled with posts by Aspies saying things like "We're not all super geniuses," the answer is obvious:
Outliers exist, they have other skills/talents that can be used to compensate for their social defiticts. But most Aspies simply have the social deficits without any bells-and-whistles to compensate.

Most NTs are unremarkable....and most Aspies are unremarkable. The only difference is that unremarkable NTs can still get on decently with the majority of people they interact with. With Asperger's, if you don't have some REMARKABLE trait that can be used to look past/compensate for your autism, then you're SOL.

I think there is a lot of bias against NTs here, and it doesn't help none. I'm not resentful of NTs personally, I love NTs because they're just people and I don't really like speaking about them like they're a separate group (although sometimes it's unavoidable when trying to write posts like this but I do see NTs as diverse individuals and not as fierce animals).
I think coming to WP makes me feel depressed because it's often implied, or assumed, that no NTs like me and that if they do then they don't really and that I'm just missing the red flags and all that. Do I listen to that and start doubting myself, or do I go with my instincts and that I know my own life better than strangers on the internet?

Personally, I think they were harsh to you in the other thread. People with AS tend to appear "off" to other people, or IOW, uninterested. That's easily overcomeable if you show interest in the other people. People mirror each other, meaning if you appear interested and feel comfortable around them, they reflect exactly that and feel comfortable around you. Forget the differences between you. If I were you I would try and make interesting conversation with these people, ask them about themselves. People love to talk about their children, and complain about their work. If that doesn't interest you, and say you love animals or pets, start talking about that and ask them if they have any pets, etc.