I hear about yet another few hundred people dying in some disaster like a tornado or a mass shooting and I'm thinking, "good, less humans to worry about". I just don't see them as living breathing feeling beings anymore. I just see them as parasites sucking the life out of the Earth, and seeing them killed is basically like seeing a swarm of disease-carrying mosquitos being destroyed by a cloud of Raid. I know I really must be a sociopath. No not a psychopath, there's a difference. Psychopaths are charming, manipulative and pretend to care instead of admitting they just don't care. I also read the other that 1 out of every 5 successful business people are psychopaths. Not surprised. I wasn't born a sociopath either. As a child I was usually friendly, affectionate, and liked people. Then I turned 13 and started having symptoms of OCD, schizophrenia, autism, ADD, and GAD. No one really knew what was wrong and medications just made the symptoms worse. I was bullied and harassed into early adulthood. I was forced to live in environments and be surrounded by people that are not good for someone with a spectrum disorder. And so my empathy and feelings for humans have deteriorated, and the sheer stupidity of the human race in the past two decades hasn't helped. We have nothing to look forwards to. No escape. Sometimes I just want to grab a random sharp object on my desk and stab or slash myself until I bleed to death.
15 Dec 2021, 9:27 pm
