It's coming back, what should I do?

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Every year, I start to feel terrible in the winter, and it's worst in March and April. I just cry every day, scream at people, rip out/cut my hair off, rage at people online, and never go to therapy because every time I beg for help, and push it, I'm just ignored because I'm a kid.
I tried to talk to my mom about this last year, and she told me "If you were really depressed, you would kill yourself". Also she told me I had to "prove" my self harm to her.
Everything feels horrible. I feel like I'm not enjoying the holidays enough, and that I should enjoy it while it's still here, because I am already crying more and gradually descending into that mode.

I'm trying to figure out what is causing this. I guess it's just the winter, maybe even the negative sensory things associated with it, because it happens every year.
I am also trying to come up with a plan for what to do if it gets super bad again. I have come up with a few ideas, but they all sound like they would make my parents super concerned for me, which I don't want them to act like me trying my best is tragic. I especially know that my dad, also an aspie, would absolutely panic if I tried one of these. Ideas so far are hiding in my room 24/7, talking much less, showering less to avoid the bad sensory things associated with it, etc.
Tbh I can't forget that wonderful experience when I trick or treated without speaking, and instead using cards I made. It may seem ridiculous that it brought me so much joy, and I don't know why it did, but I want to try it more often. But idk if I would be brave enough to do it, because this would for sure make my parents think i was dying or something, idk. I just want to feel special and loved, and be left alone when I want. Another part of the plan is never coming to my parents for advice, which always ends very badly.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. Seasonal changes suck, it might be because of that. It sounds like your parents are also ignorant of mental health issues, you don't have to prove anything to anyone, your experiences are valid.

I understand you don't want to make your parents concerned for you, but its okay to ask for help when you need it. I also had a hard time telling my parents i need help but i am so glad i did. (my dad is also a undiagnosed aspie and i didn't want to trigger his own mental health issues) I start seeing a psychiatrist in my 20s and it helped a lot. It became easier to navigate my relationships with my parents after that and set healthy boundaries.

Did you have a negative experience with a psychiatrist before, like they were not able to understand you?

My parents are both depressed, but take medicine for it. My mom has been suicidal before, so I think she's still not over her own experiences and thought I didn't "have it as bad" or whatever. Meanwhile, my dad completely lacks empathy but thinks he's super empathetic.
Also, I have asked my mom for help so many times before, which leads to a "we'll see", then she forgets. I'm not afraid to ask for help at all, it's become normal for me to ask regularly and rarely get it. She does call a lot of places, but they all either don't call her back or won't give me appointments. She's a pushover, at least in my opinion.
I am currently seeing a therapist, but it just isn't enough. Last time I went to my physiatrist, she dismissed me, and told me to take the medicine that didn't work in the past, because I can't swallow pills. I then broke my fidget toy, and had a mini meltdown, then left. I didn't take the medicine.
I always ask for help, and am viewed as a little brat, or forgotten about or ignored. I realize that for as long as I'm alive, my struggles will never be noticed, no matter how much I scream at people. I'm trying to think of ways to let my struggles be heard that can't be ignored, that aren't suicide. Of course, I would never actually do it, I'm terrified of death. They say they want to help, but they'll only care once you kill yourself.

Again, i am sorry you are stuck with those feelings all alone. But please don't think things will always be like this. When i was your age i was also left alone with my problems i couldn't tell anyone. But i pulled through and i am so glad i did.

Do you have any friends, a relative or maybe a school counselor or someone you trust, that you can share your problems with?

Have you considered Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

Source:  This Mayo Clinic Article 

How considerate. I recommend vitamin d tablets. Other than that....