Can I be mad now?

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Uhh even my sister is going to get married...


But yeah the reason me and my boyfriend haven't is because we need my SSI we cannot afford rent if we got married since they could just cut the SSi for his income. Because I guess SSI rules try to pretend like it is the 1950's so yeah that is why me and my boyfriend are not married...that said all things said and then done we may as well be married since we see ourselves as a forever couple.

Basically I would not mind getting married, but I might lose my SSI so I am bitter we can't get married because of that even though we are a forever couple.

I guess this is jealousy? my sister is going to have a great wedding...but me and my boyfriend cannot plan ours. We'd have to wait till if I can even get enough hours on a job I would not need the SSI. Because if we married they could take away or reduce my income based on his and for now we need what he makes plus my SSI. Like if we get married we'd risk losing our apartment if they deducted my income based on his....so yeah I guess I am a bit bitter my sister can go get married but I can't.

Idk does this seem like jelousy? LIke I always wish my sister the best, but like I guess I do feel kinda bad she's getting a wedding and me and my boyfriend cannot even really think about that yet.

I guess I’d be more frustrated than mad were I in your situation.

Technically you can still have a wedding and still be married in a religious sense, just not be married legally.

I do understand your point. It’s not fair to people with disabilities.

But a marriage is a civil contract you enter into with another person.

A wedding is a party, as big or little as you want; religious or not.

My husband and I got married so I could get on his health insurance. Later we had the religious ceremony with relatives, friends and my then Quaker meeting. The latter was more meaningful and I got to wear a beautiful dress and have purple orchids in my hair and have all the people I love around to witness our vows.

I hope you do have the wedding of your dreams.

It just shows how messed up the system is.

Legal marriage is just that: LEGAL. It entitles you to certain protections within the context of the relationship. For example: If your bf is the one with the job and buys material things that you both use, even if you helped by those things, technically speaking, by contributing your income to the relationship, he could just walk out of the apartment with most of your things. And there’s nothing you can legally do because you cannot prove that he’s stealing your stuff. Or you end up in a situation where you’re being blackmailed and have no way to walk out even if you want to. Being legally married means if you can prove he’s cheating on you, which takes a little work but can be done, then you can take half his possessions and kick him to the curb. Or if there’s dispute about property, the matter is decided by a judge sitting between two lawyers. Nobody ever really gets what they want in a divorce, but you come out better that way than you would if you were just breaking up with a bf you’ve lived with for several years.

For all the actual benefit of legal marriages and how little respect people have for the institution marriage has very little meaning anymore. I get where you’re coming from, but you have no need to envy your sister. Life is easier as an unmarried person.

SSI and other welfare programs have the effect of trapping individuals in poverty. I’m not criticizing you or denying your specific needs. My wife and I lost our home. We were blessed that we could bounce back from that, but living in a motel praying for a break before all the money runs out is not a good place to be. We had applied for a program which we met all the qualifications for. Nowhere was being a single mother a requirement. Nowhere was having a certain skin color a requirement. After she jumped through all their hoops and cut through all their red tape, they took one look at her and denied her any help. We had nowhere to go, and all our “friends” would say was “Aw, you poor thing. I’ll be praying for you.” And then they didn’t want to talk to us again.

When it comes to public assistance programs, you get penalized for being married.

I will say this, though… Operating without a safety net will radically change your outlook and behavior. We have higher expectations and more optimistic outlooks because we had to step up in a big way, take some crazy risks, abandon our dreams of “settling down.” I went from being a stay-at-home dad with 3 part-time jobs to being the only earner working two jobs and making more than we did when we worked FIVE jobs between the two of us. And it was only because we worked up enough courage to move out of an area with extremely limited opportunities and into a town with much more to offer. I doubt it would have happened as quickly had we been allowed more comfort where we were.

Canada does the same crap to people on disability, so couples don’t get married.

On the bright side, you’re potentially avoiding a significant expense if you’re thinking you’d have any sort of elaborate wedding party. They’re expensive!

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Social Security also discriminates against the elderly. If two elderly people on social security marry, the amounts are reduced. So elderly couples will choose to "live in sin," as the saying went when I was growing up.

It’s nice that you love him that much

It's a mad mad world.

You have a right to be mad. As I understand it, SSI is intended for people who basically CAN'T work, so they are deemed seriously disabled so their right to get married or even have sex for that matter is not necessarily respected.

No idea what to do about it though. The law would have to change. This is not a major burning issue in our country at the moment. A strong case could be made that would appeal to much of the public, but that would take $$$$$.

You can call him your “husband,” even if you’re not married.

I know people who do that—and nobody objects.