having an affair...

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...with my neighbour

he has a girlfriend, but I met him before she did, we had sex First, then he met her, we were not committed or anything, roll on 10 years later, he is still with her but we are sleeping together again. He brings me things I need and will lend me stuff if I need it if he can, especially if his girlfriend is not there. he is so much sweeter lately, sweeter than before.

I am very fond of him, I've known him for such a long time.

he is a scallywag but can be so adorable.

its the best sex I've had in ages

he is neurotypical but I don't mind....he knows about my quirks and is OK with them

he even brought me an Xmas dinner round

oh dear...i know its wrong but I have such a soft spot for him....

I'm sure you know what you're doing.
But putting it in perspective
you know deep inside that the sweet scallywag
is also being an utter c**t.
If you are fine with that
Live long and prosper
But you're not quite fine with that
Because you "know it's wrong"
Only you can weigh the benefits versus pain
How would the shoe be on the other foot
Yadda yadda
Enough boring preachyness
Thumbs up for the great sex

The stakes are high here. Tread carefully.

I know you aren't being unfaithful to anyone but your dignity is at risk, along with your emotions.

I've been in this situation before with a guy that I really fancied. I was single back then, he was married. He loved my slim body and told me I was beautiful. I found out on Facebook that he was married, but each time I confronted him about it he just sprouted out a load of lies, saying that he's unhappy with her and that they're awaiting a divorce. But from the lovey-dovey things she wrote on her Facebook about him it didn't look like they're unhappy to me. She obviously didn't know about me and it was obvious that he was creeping around and didn't want to be seen whenever he was with me, but I didn't want to break them two up by going on to her Facebook and telling her he was with me. After all, it was his responsibility, not mine. But I felt like it.

But anyway, it's 8 years later and I heard he's still married to her and living with her. If he is happy with her then why did he cheat behind her back? What is the point?

But yeah, this goes on. Single women fall for it easily if we're lonely and really feel sexually attracted to a man. The way I see it, it's up to the married people not to go out seeking sex from other people behind their spouse's back. You can't really blame the single people. Like I said, this stuff goes on. You know it's wrong, you know you wouldn't like it if your husband/boyfriend cheated on you, but still it happens, among NTs too.

This. It sounds like there's a lot of potential for you to get hurt here and it's not a level playing field when this guy is getting to "have his cake and eat it too" and you just have him.

I was in an affair with a married man for over four years when I was in my twenties. I am not one for regrets, but basically the whole relationship was a series of bad decisions and it was very unhealthy for me. I was actually quite a vulnerable person then, made worse by the fact that I didn’t know it. It made me especially vulnerable to the situation that arose.

It began as a good friendship, infact the only friendship I had, and though I tried to refuse his advances, in the end it was a choice for me of having no friend or giving myself up to him. I did not want to lose what I had. In so doing I degraded myself and made myself mentally unwell.

On the other hand I got a relationship I could cope with. I lived alone and only spent one evening with him a week, as well as lunch hours. He went away at the end of the evening. I got my own space back. I didn’t have to share. All the difficult parts of a relationship and the requisite commitments did not apply to me. He treated me like I was his one true love and that each moment with me was special, I assume his wife must have got the opposite a lot of the time. I was not really emotionally capable of a serious cohabiting relationship and that’s how it was able to continue.

However it did take it’s toll and though I tried to leave him several times, I always went back because I couldn’t cope without him. As we worked together he was always there watching me or asking colleagues about me. In the end I had to give up my job, sell my house, get rid of most of my possessions and leave the whole area to be free of him.

The harm it did to me was not worth the positives it brought in the long run. Not to mention whatever harm was going on in his married relationship. They are still together though. He had always said he would never leave her.

Only you can make the right decisions for yourself and I do not judge whether this is right or wrong for you. Just wanted to share my experience. As I said I am not one for regrets, I did what I thought I had to at the time. And my life is very different now. Who knows where I would be or what would’ve happened if I hadn’t had the relationship with him. Maybe the low point I hit after 4 years was the place I needed to be to turn my life around.

I really liked a married man at one point too. It didn't take long to realise I was being played and that this person was disingenuous about their emotions. If they were really that unhappy in their marriage they needed to do something about it, whether I was their partner or not. It made them seem kind of weak in my eyes, like they didn't care about their own mental health (or mine, by proxy).

I couldn't stand the thought of hurting another woman. I didn't want to get attached and be made a fool, either.

I have a friend who has had a 20+ year relationship with a married man. He leads a double life by owning houses with both of them and even putting her children through school. She's in his Will somehow (???) and they really do love each other. Live and let live. Love and let love. I know I couldn't do that, though. I wouldn't want to hurt the other woman and be part of someone else's lie.

This is why the concept of open relationships with set agreed upon guidelines makes so much sense to a growing number of people. It allows people to be in a relationship, but, to still go have some purely physical fun on the side. Win-win for a lot of folks and little wonder the concept is growing - especially given the high rate of divorces in recent years.

I think the man in this instance has the most to lose over this affair.

You are single whereas he's in a relationship so he's the one risking everything.

but keep in mind you live next door so if/when his g/f finds out it may be a little uncomfortable, not to mention unpredictable in case she's a psychopath and decides to exact revenge....she knows where you live.

Good luck...

Any way you could move on? and not torment his current life...

Then again its not really your responsibility, maybe just be aware you may just be a fling for him. Like he may not actually leave his partner to be with you....sure I think knowing he has a relationship and still going out with him is wrong, but well its not my situation so you do you.

Are you sure he's tormented? he's ploughing another woman so it sounds like he's enjoying it and is an active participant.

Yeah maybe that was not quite the right wording, even so though if he is willing to pretend to be in some comitted relationship while screwing someone on the side what makes the O.P think it would even last...like what would stop him doing the same thing to her? Especially if she is just a side person for him.

There is clearly a mutual satisfaction out of the affair for both parties. In the headiness/intoxication of the tryst the consequences are put on the backburner (like a smoker who lights up knowing they are screwing themselves). But it sounds like the OP is wanting to face up to the consequences and hence posting her experience.

I think given the neighbour isn't married (We don't know how serious his relationship is to the g/f) then perhaps it's not as serious as if he was married/kids etc. I have little respect for women who knowingly sleep with married men.

It's up to the girlfriend to say how serious it is. She's the victim.