What makes you manipulative?

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Wasn't quite sure if this belongs here but let me explain. One of my constant obsessions that peaks when my mental illness is at its worse is that I must have something about me that is repulsive to most people, with this affecting males the worst. I thought of it initially as an energy but now I think it has to come from how I hold myself and there must be something about how I act that I don't understand because of my autism.

I was thinking about this today and came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how I look, I will always be ugly/repulsive because that s what I am in myself

Then I started thinking about how the friend who cut me off said that when he first met me he wanted to protect me/thought I needed to be protected but then after he got to know me more he ended up saying something about me made him want to argue with me/upset me. I think maybe this is what a lot of people get with me so maybe how I can stop this happening is try to skew things more to the protective side.

I'm already working on losing weight because a sudden weight gain triggered by a fear of abandonment made it really hard for me towalk more than 10 minutes. When I weighed myself last I was 91.8 (202lbs) kg and I'm aiming to get to around 60-65kg (132-143). I think it's possible as I'm doing it through mindful eating and exercise, the former which made me realise I was bingeing every three or so days and eating constantly till I felt sick. I feel if i was that smaller weight, paired with the fact my legs turn in and the fact I apparently always look terrified that would make people less repulsed. I don't want to be protected but I'd rather people feel that than want to hurt me.

Is that manipulative? I know it isn't exactly healthy but when he cut me off that was my last straw. Guys seem to always get disgusted at me, so strongly that they like to rub it in my face. It's not like I insult them or argue with them just before it happens. I think they must realise what I am and that is why they are disgusted. Is it wrong of me to try to stop this? I don't know if that is manipulative or not and I don't want to be that because it is morally wrong. I just don't want to feel abandoned again.

You don't sound manipulative by any definition of the word I'm familiar with. You sound tired of being hurt and rejected.

I think I manipulate people when I "recruit" a person to be a sounding board during recovery from a relationship breakup. This is an intense hurt period for me but when it's done, so is the sounding board. The last time I was upfront and explained some of it first. Due to my history, breakups are associated with extreme embarrassment to cope with the hurt. It's a good laugh or comical to read my journal years later.

Exercise has so much benefit for the effort. Endorphin, weight lost, cardio, fresh air and vitamin D if outside, people to watch, etc.

My last diabetes test demanded I give up sugar and that has helped. Just remember to keep the chocolate as it helps with the depression, just lose the sugar.

I've learned that beauty is never apparent and physical beauty is just visual. People can be pleasing to look at but that's it. There is always going to be someone more symmetrical features, have better hair, whatever. Make the best with what you have...

Manipulative means you desire control or influence over others and use less than honorable ways to attain that.

I'll be the direct opposite of that one (I desire no control or influence over another human in any way). (My character flaws are still there however, some personality, some not.)

The opening post has little to do with being "manipulative", and more to do with lvpin's negative self-image.

Manipulation is confusing and I constantly wonder what the line is. Like with masking, is that manipulative because you are changing yourself/not presenting the real you. Then again the real you might get rejected or be misunderstood. I think I get confused because lots of people mistook my genuine misunderstandings as me trying to manipulate/lie to them. Idk

I think from the responses in this one instance though I must not be.

One person's manipulative behavior may be another person's survival mechanism.  If everything we did to maintain a peaceful social environment was considered "manipulative", then we would all be guilty.  However, in my opinion, deliberately playing on someone's feelings (i.e., guilt, pride, sorrow, et cetera) to get what you want (i.e., perks, promotions, raises, et cetera) is far more manipulative than simply smiling and making eye contact.

IMO, you don't come off as someone who is "manipulative."

Lying. Ill intentions. Malicious intentions. Deception. That's manipulation.

Everybody manipulates, in the strictest sense of the word.

Stripped of it's negative connotations, it just means to interact, influence, take control. Everybody does it.

Zero Sum game is where one loses, one gains, at the expense of another. In that sense manipulation would be negative or predatory, in a social sense. "e.g. a mechanic, saying you need a new car part , when you don't, and fleecing you." It reflects imbalance of power or knowledge.

But if its win-win situation, manipulation of situation can be positive in my mind. For e.g. "the mechanic finesses you into installing expensive airbag system, then you get into a accident, and survive because or it. they get paid, you're unscathed, win-win."

And you can't escape it anyway, every living thing manipulates their environment and others, every moment of the day, for good or bad outcomes.

Gaslighting.

My opinions which others don't like to hear.

Expressing opinions doesn't make a person manipulative, maybe annoying, but not manipulative.

Yeah, but isn't knowing that you are annoying people kind of inconsiderate?

I personally can't help it because I have strong opinions on what I believe in.

Again, being inconsiderate is not manipulation. If anything it's sign of Lack of Manipulation.

If you annoy or offend people, it generally because you being too honest, direct and outspoken with them. No filter. Honesty is the opposite of manipulation.

NT social rules, require that you manipulate....all the time, in order not to offend, and fit in, and play the game of niceties.

E.g. "THEM: I went on holiday to so and so and......YOU: HOW wonderful, tell me more!! (YOUR THOUGHTS: damn i hate this insufferable b----stard. But i need that promotion."

Gotcha. I was not clear on this.

Hm? Confused.