Be part of my life for ten minutes

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Something that has come up a lot in the last six months...people being "too busy" to give me ANY of their time.

I'm not unreasonable in my requests, so I'll be frank: I don't believe you. I waited a week for ten minutes of your time. I'll make ten minutes for YOU right now if I have to. Is it realistic that you couldn't find ten minutes for me in a week?

It's not the request that is important. It's that making me feel like I'm part of your life would be so easy, and you can't be bothered.

Anyone else feel like this?

I'm wondering if there's anything that we could do for each other. If I were to make myself available to YOU, for ten or twenty minutes, is there anything you might ask of me? Some internet person you've never met...ten or twenty minutes...anything we could do for each other?

I'm going to ask that YOU be part of my life for ten minutes, and pick one of these two things to do for me:

1) Search for and watch the following video on youtube: twenty one pilots: Trees + Speech (Live at Fox Theater). You can skip the first minute, and the song is in the next six minutes. Stop early if you really don't like it, but if you do like it, tell me as much or as little about what or why, in a couple minutes, and tell me if you'll seek out other music by the same band.

or

2) Think about this topic...us helping each other ten or twenty minutes at a time. Would there be any point to it? Is there anything you might ask a stranger on the internet for?

Hi, I think this is interesting.

I watched the video you mentioned. The music wasn't for me. But I understand how a piece of music can mean an incredible amount to a person and I sometimes feel that the fact we can share the music, but not what it means to us, how it affects us - well, there is tragedy in that, it's a human limitation.

I don't know if I really was a part of your life for 10 minutes, though I appreciate the invitation. I liked the experiment. I created a 'you' in my head based on what I perceived from the few lines of your post and the music you shared and I spent ten minutes with that you. It was probably nothing like you, and you didn't know anything about it until I just told you.

Do you feel that I 'gave' you my time?

I like your thinking. I don't get why people do that either. And I promise, I've got plenty to think about.

The lesson here is: DON'T RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE!

I've been through this sort of thing many times. I mean many times!

It is an issue of investment, there will be many in our lives who will fade away. Let them. It's about the hardest thing in life but we better try to focus on the ones who give back. Whenever someone stops, and doesn't prioritize you, you have to reassess your valuables and shift towards the ones which grant you the same effort you give.

Furthermore always being available for them whenever they want to make time for you, is wrong. Don't meet on their terms, meet on yours. The right person will try to meet you too.

There is also effort equality. If your balance side pulls too heavily, the other will pull less. Gotta take a step back when they do to mirror their involvement and emotional availability. It's fine to give yourself time to think about this friendship.

But you were! That little effort that you made to enjoy something I do, and then tell me about it? Sometimes that's all I ask of someone, and when they do, it feels like they valued me enough to take a recommendation from me and see if it pans out. And if it does pan out, then the payoff is that something I enjoy is then shared with someone.

Thanks.

It's a silly thought experiment, and the piece that is missing is the shared experience that leads to the expectation that you'd enjoy this particular thing. It may not be the best use of a stranger's time since we know so little about one another beforehand.

I'm at work. I was blocked from seeing your video.

So I'm not one of those people who "don't care."

I don't have a lot of people pass through my life, so I try harder than I probably should to hang onto them.

THat's okay, thanks for trying.

I see that you're somewhat into the "occult," based on your avatar.

The song ... meh ... no rhythm ... cannot dance to it ... reminds me of rambling emo freeverse ... pointless...

I'm familiar with twenty one pilots, they're ok.
I prefer something edgier.

I was under the impression that such an expression is simply used by people to avoid saying directly to you, that they'd rather not spend time on you, for whatever reason. They hope you'll catch this hidden meaning, as this is the socially accepted way to reject someone. I use it myself. It's not very nice, but it works. And if someone uses it, it's important to note the meaning, not the words. Everyone *can* make time for someone they like -- they do it all the time for their family, partner, etc. -- but *won't* make time for you if they don't feel they get anything out of it. In any case, you can't force someone to give you attention. It creates a lot of antipathy.

A simple way to get people to spend 10 minutes with you, is to first give those people your own interest and honest attention for 10 minutes. If they're reasonable social beings, they will reciproke automatically. People tend to need to act accordingly when feeling indebted.

As for 2), most of the time, no. I had an Internet period almost 20 years ago when I would be interested in what people online thought of themselves and me, but I don't feel like I've been able to keep up with the way interaction online has developed, both technologically and culturally.

As for 1) I listened for 3 minutes, and I don't have any particular opinion.

Sorry if my post sounds negative. I hope more people here pick up on your thoughts.

No, that's just a band logo

Last edited by TenMinutes on 09 Feb 2021, 2:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, I can normally pick up on "polite" rejection, but the words that said otherwise seemed earnest enough. The contradiction almost feels like teasing, but I'm pretty sure that's not what's going on, either. I'm just going to have to admit failure at figuring this out and move on.



Yeah, my first hint that I was going to have trouble was when this didn't happen

I hope you can find people to connect with.

I'm not really a fan of 21 pilots, but I'm really picky about music these days

All of the best