I REALLY detest reality!

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I very much abhor reality right now. It has not been very kind to me recently.

I wish I could talk to people about my problems, but most people I know just ignores me for some reason, and nowadays I feel like an absolute loser and a freak.

There were times when I do want to end my life, but I keep convincing myself, "come on, Dan, don't give up hope! Everything's going to get better!" Now, I'm not so sure anymore....

I cannot guarantee that it will get better. But most likely, it will get different over time.

People ignoring you have a reason for it: they do not want to think about problems of others and ruin their mood. I've learned over the years that one is incredibly lucky to have even a single person they can speak with openly and honestly about their fears, burdens, demons, whatever you call it. This is because such person must care about you enough to drop the illusion of happy-go-lucky attitude and in turn, their own problems may sting them more.

As for ending life, I do not recommend it, not for religious reasons (I am not believing in anything spiritual) but simply because it won't bring you any additional value. Your mind will crumble into non-existence, the same state you were prior to gaining self awareness, eventually - sooner or later. Same goes for your body, what is now a living thing will turn into a loose pile of atoms which won't interact between themselves in any meaningful way. You have only so much time for being yourself and experiencing existence - there's no point in rushing into void.