Learned helplessness

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Sometimes during a meltdown I'll get indignant with anger that my family haven't helped me enough and my problems are too much to bear but at the same time if I can't motivate me to help myself why should anybody else care?

Sometimes I feel like those zapped dogs in that experiment that just lay there even though there is an escape route.

I get the same feeling. I'm triggered any time I feel helpless because I don't like feeling vulnerable, as if I can't help myself. Then I have the meltdown because I'm triggered. The whole time I'm wishing someone would just help me. Then that triggers me again because it proves I can't always help myself. Rinse and repeat.

What types of things do you need help with?

I wonder if problems with self sufficiency and autonomy might be an autistic trait sometimes. I'm very harsh on myself when I have a moment of clarity and see that my life has been drifting and then I look for someone to blame!

I have chronic pain issues, stabbing and burning pains and chronic fatigue. I'm very overweight and pissed off about it. It effects my motivation. I spend most of my time in bed quite shamefully. This is not the life I imagined or wanted but it's been my reality for the last 9 years.

The gutting thing is maybe it didn't have to be. Maybe I was too proud to ask for help or I was scared of actually getting better and then having to make life changes and reintegrating into society. I'm a full blown recluse now with such low self esteem that I almost believe nothing is good in the world and it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

If I was describing myself, I'd say I haven't given up, I'm just surviving but not thriving. While I spend the majority of time in bed I still manage to get into town sometimes or cook or go for a short walk.

I'd also say I have such bad sensory issues that I can't be around other people without shutting/ melting down

I also hate feeling like I can't help myself but also I'm waiting to be rescued. Cue plenty of rumination on who's fault it is. It's a conundrum!

Thanks I didn't realise that until now!

Another thing I do is I put up with suffering pain without complaining (apart from here ) I try not to ever think about it or how to fix it because it's such a raw and touchy subject. I guess it works for keeping calm in the short term but long term it's not a winning strategy. I.e I'm still in pain and I'm overweight and isolated.

Learned helplessness is often associated with depression.

I would agree with that

Do you think you focus more on blaming people, or imagining being rescued?

Who do you wish would rescue you?

I think it starts with a fear of getting ill because im not in good shape, and then anxiety starts a meltdown and then i start ruminating on the situation and start blaming family (specifically parents) for not helping at all.

Part of me knows its irrational, but because the feeling is so strong it seems true. In the moment its like a burning resentment in my chest.

I have been told off by a psychiatrist for putting parents on a pedestal expecting them to fix my s**t. Something like they are two big towers in my head or something (I really hated that psychiatrist though, reminded me too much of my father haha)

Id sum up the feeling as them having failed me. Even though they have helped me in more ways than not. Ive even pushed them away a little because they are controlling and i am demand avoidant. Im frustrated that they dont understand my illness. They think im self centred, childish and lazy. The worst thing is there is a grain of truth to it which is why it hurts.

What i really want is help to help myself. Like i just need support to take the first step and maybe help funding a chiropractor to get rid of this eternal pain. I was so resentful that the last chiropractor failed at great expense that i havent tried again in 9 years. And the guy was a complete arrogant arse. If im well enough i could get a job without having to be injected with lidocaine.

Maybe im just too comfortable in my rut.

I had to hit rock bottom to give up booze maybe i need another rock bottom.

Do you know what's causing your physical pain? I hope you've had some sort of clinical assessment since you saw your chiropractor nine years ago. You might want to have some blood tests for arthritis, or autoimmune issues etc. I'm not trying to scare you but that's a long time to be in pain even if you have a sedentary lifestyle.

I know it's hard but you might want to try setting some achievable goals for yourself each day, like calling a doctor or watching a podcast about executive function. Just getting up and making your bed or changing the sheets might give you a sense of accomplishment. Try making a list of things you do each day that make you feel even a little better about yourself, or more confident. Try to add one thing to that list every day, or even once a week. When you're feeling badly about your abilities it might help to look back on the things you've done. It's easy to forget otherwise, and get into a shame loop of thinking you're a failure. That's probably what prompts you to "blame" others, since no one likes to think they're failures and deep down you know you don't have to be.

Ive been to a rhemuatologist 10years ago maybe try again but i hate feeling like a time waster

I feel better when i accomplish small things yes

Like yesterday i fixed a simple plumbing issue and it felt good

im in contact with chiro, therapist and gp