Can someone talk to me?

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I’m kind of scared. People from mental health seem creepy in how they’re treating me. I asked to change my next of kin number from my emotionally abusive mom to my nicer aunt and for some reason the receptionist had a problem with it. I get the feeling they feel like I have been judging the s**t out of them, which I have because when I was psychotic that was rough and I was also smoking the strongest stuff around. And so was getting angry at anyone in authority and treating them like s**t by making dirty looks and saying stuff I regret. So basically I feel like I’ve screwed myself over because I’ve mentioned to them maybe I should be in a group home because I’m not well. I don’t want to lose all my freedom though especially if they are pissed at me because I was behaving bitchy with them. So I’m in pain emotionally and physically after self harming pretty bad. It’s Friday night and I wish I could just go out and forget my troubles but I’m out of money for a while. I don’t feel up to socializing because my friends were somewhat crazy themselves. But I don’t think anyone can get crazier than me.

Maybe I just worry too much

Sarah, if you talk to us we will listen.

The receptionist at mental health is acting threatening and it’s effecting me psychologically and making my health issues worse. I wish I didn’t have to go to them.

Even if she is pissed off because I was being testy with them and judging them idk. Hopefully I’m just reading too much into things. But I’m mad at them for watching me relapse and doing nothing. I think the mental health system isn’t very good in my town. I wish I had someone in my life I could rely on.

this old timer has found that it doesn't pay to read anything more into people's behavior than what is visible on the outside. to do otherwise adds a LOT of stress to one's life. that means no more ruminating on people's motivations.

and Sarah, let me tell you, for decades i have dearly wished, pined for.. somebody, SOMEBODY that i could rely on. but aside from certain family members, there was nobody but me, myself and I. a hard truth. but i had to learn to be the one i could rely on [esp. after my sister's death], IOW nobody else was gonna help me worth a good GD.

Thanks I’ll try. That makes a lot of sense actually.

Yeah my health has declined so much that I will most likely just relying on myself and family. People can’t really figure out what’s wrong with me but some have been to referring to me as a loser for not taking care of myself. Not sure why people go out of their way to add insult to injury but...I might as well try to see the humour in that.

You’re too kind aunt blabb

I am sorry that you have all of this going on. I would say that what they are doing is unprofessional considering(and I'm assuming this) they know you have mental health issues. But, since I wasn't there I couldn't make a judgement call because depending on the behaviour they still have rights as humans not to give service to someone if they don't want to.

While I understand the sentiment behind depending on yourself, it's generally not a good idea especially for people that are struggling. Is there possibly another government agency you could call and talk to instead of the one you are in contact with now?

Possibly yes. Autism organizations. They kept bugging me at mental health to go to them actually. Like every single time I went in for my medication.

I find it weird that after I mentioned that maybe I should be shoved in a group home a girl from a group home in town all of a sudden wanted to come up and talk to me. The girl was really nice but kind of slow. I actually thought she was pretty cool and friendly and we talked about what it’s like in there. But kind of a weird coincidence that all of a sudden she wants to talk after I mentioned that to them. I think they’re trying to drive me nuts so I go in. So if that happens does a psychiatrist have the right to prescribe how much medication you have to take in there because I think the people at mental health hate me for taking s**t out on them and judging them and stuff.

All well at least that girl was nice. It was refreshing talking to her. At least I didn’t feel like I was going to get taken advantage of like so many other people have done.

So yeah if I did end up in there would my psychiatrist have the right to give me as much as he wanted? Like would I have the right over the medication thing at all?