Subhuman

Post Reply New Topic

I’ve been struggling so much with this feeling of inadequacy. I can tell I’m different in a bad way. I’ve been losing weight and now I’m one big stretch mark. Before they were only around my joints and I found that ok, but now I’m covered completely in streaks that just remind me of that low point. When I binge ate I didn’t realise that would happen and it will only become worse.

Im convinced I’m not a proper human too. Ppl my age treat me weirdly and I don’t think my looks even matter, I’m unattractive no matter what. Dont have worth past how I can help others either. At least with my pastoral job I get to help someone else. I wish I could feel like I’d be loved by more than family but that is nonsense. It’s so depressing to know u are less than everyone around u and they can’t just sympathise, they think they know ur wrong. I wish they were right but the signs point to me being right.

Friends Are all dating now and while I’m not currently interested in relationships I am for the future. Maybe around my mid twenties but it will be impossible bc no one will ever love me like that. No one has even had a crush on me but that’s not the case for my friends.

I don’t even know what I look like anymore it’s frustrating.

Im just trying to focus on passions for now and not think abt it. It comes back to me when I get distracted though . Having dreams abt being normal doesn’t help either. Currently I feel there is sone sort of field separating me from others and that is why im lesser.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be easy to fall into comparing yourself to others, but I hope you can try to find things you like about yourself and remind yourself of those qualities often.

It's great that you are focusing on passions and goals as much as possible, too. I think that's smart and I hope you celebrate your successes in these areas. I really have been going through a rough patch, too, with chronic pain from joint hypermobility, depression, social isolation after the end of a relationship while living alone/working from home, etc. and have been surprised how much setting even small goals and seeing modest progress has helped.

On the stretch mark thing, my understanding is that people with hypermobility and HEDS are more prone to these issues. (I know I am). So, please try not to beat yourself up or think you caused it due to binge eating. It may just be that some of us are unlucky in this area.

I am sorry you are hurting.
Have you talked to a therapist?

even though we are a different gender, i certainly can grok your statement about how there is something invisible like a barrier between you and other potential friends/mates. all my life that has been my situation also. you are NOT subhuman but you ARE a different FLAVOR of human. and a quality friend/mate would accept you and find you attractive stretch-marks or not. ignore the non-quality kind, they are a waste of your time and energy and are vexations to your spirit.

When you think of yourself as being subhuman, you're focusing too narrowly on your flaws and ignoring your strengths. Also, being undesirable to "normal" people doesn't mean you are a lesser being.

Maybe you ARE part of the start of a new species of human that "normal" humans don't want to mate with... Or maybe you just need to find the right sort of human for you.

The world needs all kinds of minds. Humanity and human civilization will last longer if we encourage and celebrate diversity.

Btw, I think you're depressed because of your missed therapy session. I think these sessions might be more important to you than you realize.

I hope you feel better today!