I'm very depressed...again. Please help.

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Just like the other posts about me being depressed, its all about my mom. She is sick again and I'm scared for her life. She has a severe infection of the salivary gland. It sounds minor but even a simple cold is deadly to my mom. It turns into pneumonia and nearly kills her every time. In two days my grandpa is coming over and I haven't seen him in 2 years. I am excited about that but I think all we are going to do together is visit mom in the hospital. That's all I see. I pray to God that I'm wrong and she doesn't need to stay overnight. She's going in today because of it. My depressive episode started not today but a week ago for some odd reason. Its just a million times worse today because of mom's health and other reasons as well. We are supposed to go on a nice cruise in October and its already paid for but I'm scared that we won't go because of mom's health. We haven't been on a vacation for 3 or 4 years. I don't know what true happiness is because I haven't felt it in many years and when I did it was a short time like when I'm on a trip or something. I haven't been able to cry for at least a year. Don't know why. I am on anti depressant medications and it doesn't help in this situation. I cut myself today. I want to do more. I just can't take all the negatives. I also have multiple personalities and it interferes with my life and makes me depressed. I can't even go to school because of it. All I do is go to different groups and stay at home fiddling with my thumbs. I don't have a job. As mentioned many, many times on this site, I have extreme guilt. I killed 350,000 people with my psychic dreams and that makes me even MORE depressed if that is even possible. I am the cause of all the problems in the world. It's all me! Then the alien creatures tell me what to do but this isn't as bad as it was a few months ago. It used to be 24/7 but now its just a few times a day. All my movements are controlled by an outside force and I can't think in public. My thoughts are too weird and everyone will know that. My thoughts are not private but everyone on Earth knows them. My thoughts are broadcasted by some device and I'm scared about that as well as mom's health. I get panic attacks nearly everyday but this has been lasting longer than my current episode of depression. So, what do I do? I can't go to the hospital because grandpa is coming over in 2 days. I don't want to miss that. I want to cry like most depressed people do. All I show is a big fat smile on my face no matter what. I don't mean to smile all the time though. I even smile at inappropriate things such as the world ending and things like that even though I don't mean it. I have no energy to do things. I sleep for long periods of time. I lost interest in things that I used to love such as video games and building my model airplanes. I need to know what to do. And I know when my next major depressive episode is coming. October. After the cruise (IF we go). I always have episodes around birthdays and my insane brother's birthday is in October. Also my mom is having another surgery and she nearly died during the last surgery. Then I think that is going to be the last vacation EVER as a family. There will be NOTHING to look forward to ever again.

Er, some of the things you said there suggest that it would be best for you to start seeing a psychologist.. Just an idea, take it or leave it

I already see a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I take meds and everything but it doesn't help.

Could you tell me more about the aliens then? Where did they come from and how do you know theyre there?

Does antipsychotic s**t help, or does it make you even more depressed? Even though I'm not psychotic to that degree, I definitely know how you feel. Join our depressives club in the Members Only forum if you want to. Spill your guts more in this thread too. We're here to help and support and encourage you. Most of us here know pain.

wow man im sooo sorry for all you are going thru. Keep preying God works in mysterious ways. It sounds like your anti depressants are working, i was told as ive never taken medication for mental issues, that having an everlasting smile is the result of the medication, but the smile means nothing if you feel sad, tired, hopeless.

You need to talk to your Dr and change perscriptions. I think you just need a boost, stay positive around your mom and grandfather. I honestly could not imagine going thru that, and realize later in life we all have to deal with parents ill health and eventual death usually. But we should be fairly old ourselfs (i wish this for everyone, sad this does not happen, its life)

Being depressed and having it effect your life sucks, i had a breif episode during high school and then again after collage, but it went away as I found something to focus on, and in both cases it was getting my life together to better my odds at having a good future.

Do you have a direction in life? Its not good u r missing school. First you should find better medication and talk to someone, family, doctors, mom, grandfather, then you can focus on your future or whatever, you have enough on your plate now it sounds like, deal with that first

I wish you great luck man on yourself, i hope your mom pulls through, keep us all posted, and dont give up!! !

You want to know more about the aliens so I'll tell you. I don't know exactly where they came from all I know its not from Mars but some other galaxy far, far away like in Star Wars. I love that movie but the aliens are scary. I've seen their shadows in my room and they freak me out! I've even seen their UFO's outside. They tell me to do bad things like cut myself, jump in front of traffic and once when I was mowing the lawn, they told me to drive the mower into the pool with no water in it in the 10 foot end! That might have hurt me or worse! It is not actual voices that I hear oh thank God for that but I know their thoughts and that's how I know they're telling me what to do. It is thought insertion. The aliens also told me I have a device in my brain and if I don't do what they say the device will explode and the aliens will kill my family. Like I said, there is also a device somewhere on Earth that broadcasts my thoughts to the world so everyone can hear them. That means I can't think. When I didn't obey them to go into the pool with the mower, that is when they came in their UFO's! The medicine helps with that though which is good news. I haven't seen them in awhile.

Well first of all, I know exactly what your talking about and they arent aliens, they are grey elementals and they will keep f*****g with your brain until you make the choise to do something about it. Theyre just telling you all those lies because your an easy target and they know youll believe them. I dont mean to burst your bubble but more than likely it has something to do with all this praying your doing. Thats all I can say about that particular part though, dont even ask for more information. Sorry.
Anyway, your right about their form of communication, they put thoughts and messages in your head they dont actually "say" them. All you can do for now is ignore them and get in touch with real spirituality, that is the best way to deal with them. Hope this helps because more than likely I wont say anymore, sorry again.

FireBird, maybe anti-anxiety meds might also help you. Because it's all related, really. Going into the pool with the mower! LOL! What other things did they tell you to do?


Oh cummon, I'm a fun person, if it was me I'd tell anyone who would listen!

FireBird, sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. My mom was really sick and depressed when I was little, too, but she survived. Hopefully your mom will, too. Do not cut yourself- there are other ways of releasing pain. It's good that you are writing, if you have a journal or diary you might want to write in there. My journal really helps me when I am stressed out. No, you did not kill people with your dreams- people who keep on killing feel no remorse, but you say that you feel guilty. How did you count such a large # of people?! No, I did not know your thoughts before you wrote this post. Anyways, hope things get better and you get back to making model airplanes or find another activity that you enjoy.

He is writing it down... now, in front of us, with is probably good, we're all hearing his problems! I had horrible depression too and it passed... hopefully never to resurface again.

I'm not a guy. I am a woman. I know its shocking to hear that a girl is building model airplanes and playing video games. How do I know how many people I killed you ask? Well the tsunami killed 230,000 people, the Pakistan earthquake killed 80,000, 9/11 killed 3,000, all the plane crashes that I caused killed a few thousand more, the mosque bombing in Iraq last year is continuing to kill and the count is up to 30,000 people and a few other things here and there and you add it up and you get 350,000 people dead! It was all me. How sad is that? I'm powerful.

You're blaming all the natural disasters on yourself- tsunamis and earthquakes are caused by nature (or God, depending on what you believe); not people. I certainly hope you were not involved with the rest!

Hi girl, nice nick

Go to the hospital, your grandfather will understand of course.