I’ve got no life

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I can’t work because I screwed up my body too bad while off my medication. Some jerk I thought was my friend was being really toxic while I was off my medication and acting threatening like he was going to come after me when really he was messing with my head. But I’ve done lots of damage to my heart and I can’t even walk around very fast or hardly do anything. I’m very light head and my body feels numb. I’m dying. I go all month without any money or anyone to talk to. I can’t keep up with my peers. My autism is the type I suck at conversation. My body is too messed up to date anyone because all they’re going to see is a busted up poor woman. What the hell am I supposed to do with my time? Even my family sucks. I’m the black sheep under dog without any money. Poor and sick while they go shopping and on vacations. They treat me sub human more so then most people do. Everyone treats me like s**t. Sometimes I don’t see the point of carrying on.

All I have is a nice apartment. But I sit in it alone with not much confidence after going down the wrong life path. I kind of want to move but then I can’t get help from family anymore. Which sounds great actually because mom is pretty hard on me and doesn’t seem to really care what happens to me anyway.

I just read this back and I sound like a brat because some people have a worse living situation. But basically what I'm saying is that guy was horrible to me while I was off my medication and I thought he was after me or he was giving me psychological problems or something and I knew going to him was killing me but I continued going to him anyway. It's like he made me commit suicide... So I'm depressed because of my failing health is what I'm saying. And I'm scared because I'm in my apartment day after day without a job, dying alone. The joys of not having a job. That guy was a real a**hole.

The mere fact others have it worse than you does not mean you have it good -- you are not a "brat" for complaining.

Hey sweetie, try to ignore them or avoid them as much as you can if they are treating you badly. Whatever your difficulties you are still a human being with feelings that matter.

Look after yourself and never think of yourself as less than others.

My email box is open if you ever need to talk.

Alright thanks I might message you sometime.

Many, many of us here at WP can echo 75% to 95% of your situation.
Loneliness is one of the worst aspects or results of autism.
Believe me, most of us know from experience!

It can be really hard (both mentally and physically) to deal with health issues while living alone and without much support. Unfortunately I say that from personal experience. If you need to vent, feel free to PM me at some point. I may be slow to respond since I have a lot going on right now, but I will try to respond. Hope you can hang in there.

one of the best things about learning of my autism diagnosis is finding out I was not alone, and that there are others out there (like here!) that understand.
You are not alone.

Thanks guys! Yes I will update my profile at some point. I’ve been socializing a bit but it ended up feeling empty because I wasn’t really honest with myself in the past when making friends. So I’ve been hanging out with the old ones and it’s not really working out to my benefit. I can’t really keep up. With all that has happened I’m physically damaged and traumatized and they expect me to be ‘chill’. Whatever. What I wouldn’t give to have a soul mate. To connect with someone on a spiritual level. But I’m too flawed and sick these days. I’m literally dying. So yeah being alone in a large town sucks right now. All I have is the moment. What is left of life.

I hope you hang in there and make more good friends on this website. Life in the big city is often more lonely, because you're more aware of the fact that even though you're close to people physically you might not be so mentally and spiritually. Wishing your physical condition improves as well.

You're not alone being in the situation you're in. I also have health issues and can't work. I'm studying to hopefully start a small online business, but that's some time away. My health issues are pretty bad as well. I also live alone. Yep, it's not easy at all. I wish we lived closer.

That’s cool I am advertising online to sell things here and it’s harder than I thought. I’m getting quite a few responses actually, but it’s stressful. But the money I get tomorrow will make it worth it. Lol

I’ll try to pm you guys at some point. I do spend time around people. I’m closer to some than others. But no true close friends. I’ve been hanging with my ex from time to time. He’s been nicer to me than when we were dating. He was quite a bad boy back then. I’m still weary of him though. But he gives off good vibes these days. Like even better than he used to. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care that men don’t find me attractive anymore. It’s my own damn fault for going crazy and destroying my body. But it is something I crave. I want a perfect body and soul like the Tom York lyrics. But....I’m a freak. Lol I just wish some childish people would be kind because I’m dying instead of rubbing it in that I’ve failed myself, love and life all at the same time. I didn’t need their input. I already know that. But from time to time I have to deal with an a**hole.