Feeling insecure, down on myself, sad about my life.

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I'm going to start this post off by saying that I know I'm a worthwhile person with a pretty good head on my shoulders and a lot to offer, but like everybody else, I'm far from perfect.

I have a lot to be insecure about, particularly physically, and that makes me worry that I'll never get a girlfriend whom I'm truly excited by physically. I'm not looking for a supermodel, but I'm worried that even average-looking women might be off-limits.

Online, I've had some women deem me adequately physically attractive when I've shown them a selfie from the torso up, but I fear that those same women might change their minds if they encountered me in real life.

I'm pretty embarrassed by and insecure about my body. My glutes and abs are weak, while other muscles are tight. I have an exaggerated arch in my back (anterior pelvic tilt) and my stomach protrudes forward. I have exercises to correct some of these problems, but my several attempts to establish a routine to get them done have always failed. It's so difficult to gain and keep momentum, and so very easy to lose it. If there was one thing I could change about my body, it would be correcting my poor posture.

Then there's my weight and diet. Through a very difficult time in 2018, I gained 60lbs in about 4 months. I gained a further 15lbs in the first half of 2019. Then I cut out pretty much all junk food and lost 90lbs during the second half of 2019 and 2020. Since the start of last year, old habits have set back in and I've gained 45lbs back.

Without standards and conditions to appeal to regarding my diet, my dietary choices end up largely being governed by what foods and drinks I derive the most pleasure from consuming, and that's a recipe for weight gain. I wish I could be eating a healthy diet and aiming to follow clear dietary standards regarding what I consume, but I'm a very fussy eater thanks to autism, and I'm not very skilled, knowledgeable or motivated in the kitchen, and that combination makes it challenging for me to figure out how to eat healthy sustainably. Ordering from fast food apps is a lot easier, but that's making me fat again. I'm pretty disappointed in myself, and I wish it was easier for me to figure out how to consume a balanced diet.

Then on top of that, I have a receding hairline, a lazy eye, a deviated septum, an unfortunate nose and crooked teeth (though I may be getting invisalign soon). I have skinny arms and legs despite being fat and having a large gut, and I'm also quite sure I have ED.

I need to get to sleep, so I'll leave my post here for now, but there's a fair bit more I want to add.

Why don't you put down more about what's "right" about you, too.

I know you did a little bit in the first paragraph----but you don't seem to able to use your good points to offset your supposed "bad points."

Most men (and most women) have "something wrong" with them. Many men and women have deviated septums, are overweight, have bad posture, have a receding hairline, etc., And most of those people are able to find love. And you can, too.

Since my prostate surgery, I am not able to "get it up" whatsoever. Even if you have "ED", you probably would do better than I do. Nevertheless, I am confident that I could find a girlfriend were I not married. I have other "disadvantages" that you don't have. Like I'm 164 cm tall, for example. And I'm 61 years old. And I'm not socially proficient. And I can't fix stuff around the house. You seem like the type that would be a good DIY-er. Women dig that.

whom you are is more important

good abs...ok

Great sense of humour or a considerate, understanding and fun sense of mind....even better

shared laughter is the worlds greatest aphrodisiac.

foodie...hello

average guy thats comfortable to spend time with is great too x

Not everyone is finds the same thing attractive

Plenty of people that are not attractive by conventional standards, married

Appearance, personality, $$$ all matter different amounts to different people

Having said that, some people treat people that are not conventionally attractive worse than they treat attractive people

A lot of things about your appearance, you have no control over, short of plastic surgery

"Life" goes on and on and on and on

Single or married

Seems like it's just physical stuff you're worried about there. All beauty fades and bodies break. I wouldn't worry about it. If someone only likes you for what you look like, you'd be better off without that relationship. In sickness and in health.

There'll be someone that will like you out there.

Even though I don't know much about relationships, nor do I like giving advice on such, I will say this: don't let go if there's nothing ugly there when you find one another.

You'll end up regretful, which is far worse than never holding that love.

It takes time to develop healthy habits. It’s worthwhile making it your focus, IMO. Health is really important factor in happiness, and if you are sedentary and have poor nutrition, things will only get worse.

It’s not going to be easy. My ex boyfriend was over 300 pounds and lost 100 pounds in a year. It was really difficult for him, but he has kept the weight off for over a decade now. This is a man who never cooks and is extremely addicted to food. It’s his biggest vice!

Just an idea. Think of it as 1 month of absolute pain. Eating only healthy foods and exercising 1x a week. (Don’t try to jump into a hard workout routine right off the bat) but break the food addiction for sure.

As for the posture. I also used to suffer from the same thing. I was able to correct it thoug, but it took a long time. However, it is within your power. I also has scoliosis and now it is undetectable. I found Pilates and ballet helped the most for me, but physio exercises probably do the same thing.

I hope I’m not coming off as too judgemental. I just know that you can do it.

I make posts about my "bad points" because I perceive that they contribute to my inability to live a life I'm satisfied with. What I ultimately hope to gain from my "sadposting" is applicable, constructive advice and perspectives that will culminate in a breakthrough that will enable me to rise above the challenges I'm facing and get on track towards where I want to be. Friendly, heartfelt and empathetic support also has its place in boosting my morale a bit and validating my feelings.




I don't think most people are as physically flawed as I am. Most people don't struggle socially as much as I do. I acknowledge that it's possible that even with my flaws, I could find someone, but given both my history and my current circumstances, I can't imagine a scenario in my day-to-day life where that could actually happen.

It's not very often I'm even meeting women my age, and I don't know of anywhere I could do so without being burdened by the pressure of having to be more outgoing than I'm currently capable of, with the insecurities and low confidence I'm dealing with.


And yet you seem to be able to find women to date, while I've never had a girlfriend.

Why do you think I've never been able to have a girlfriend before? And what makes you think there's a good chance I can find someone in spite of my utter failure to do so thus far?

I've been posting here about my dating struggles since 2015 when I was 19. It feels like I'll be celebrating my 10-year wrongplanet anniversary before I ever get to have a girlfriend.

Are you open to the possibility of finding a relationship within the autistic community, and, if so, here on WP in particular? (I believe I asked you this same question elsewhere on WP recently. If you answered it, please point me to your answer.)

Of course it's not very likely that very many women within your target age range who happen to live near you will show up here on WP. So I don't think this should be your number one strategy for finding a girlfriend. But my question is whether you want to be prepared for such women in the event that any of them do show up.

Ditto for other autistic community forums and autistic spaces on social media, and for any local autistic community groups.

(See also the separate threads To those who met partners on WP or other autistic forums and How groups should handle sexual misconduct complaints?.)

I've seen you pose this question to others, but not to me until now.

Yes, I'm open to establishing a relationship through any avenue at my disposal, so long as I can find somebody geographically close enough to actually meet up with.

What would it mean to be prepared for such women if they do happen to show up?

If that entails significant changes to the way I use and post on wrongplanet, I don't think there's a high enough chance of finding someone local to date here that it's worth changing the way I engage with this website.

My proposed changes could not only help you increase your (admittedly small) chances of connecting with a local young woman here on WP, but also increase your chances of making friends more generally here.

1) Edit your profile to add a signature line that mentions your interests, hobbies, and/or career goal(s). Emphasize those interests/hobbies that are most likely to be shared by women, but mention all your major ones.

2) Post occasionally (more than you do now) about your interests, hobbies, career goal(s), and/or current job, in the relevant sub-forums, to give us all a more well-rounded picture of who you are. Do this even more if/when someone especially interesting shows up.