People suck

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I go to a church supper from time to time to get a free meal. The food is usually horrible. I used to like going there but not anymore. I had fun going there at first but then noticed I was slowly getting shunned for being different. I talk to the people my age mostly. There are sometimes people in their late 20s and thirties that go. But the older crowd is less judgemental most of the time. There is a guy in his early 20s that goes that ignores me. He seems nice to everyone but I guess he doesn’t get me. The fact that I’ve suffered psychosis so bad that now I’m dying of heart disease. I don’t get me either. He reminds me ever so slightly of one of my ex boyfriends. But he never speaks to me and just ignores me and well... has no empathy for the fact I’m dying. It’s kind of understandable because even I don’t understand how I could have been so stupid when I went off my medication. I don’t want to die. And I hate how people rub it in that I’ve failed. I couldn’t help it I just didn’t know what was going on at the time. I really shouldn’t go there anymore. The lighting is bright and it’s rowdy and I feel judged every time. I’ve even been getting bullied by the volunteers at times as well. Got to learn to save money. I hope it will be enough so I don’t have to go there anymore. I imagine if I went to work the way the world is I’d really be getting trampled on. I’m tired of being judged by people. I know it’s just the way of the world. But I’m so tired if it.

How do these people know you're dying?

And anyway.....I'm not so sure you are dying.

Thanks Kraftie. Should of summed up that long winded post by saying, just when I start to feel up, someone drags me back down. He can probably just tell I’m injured by how I look these days and move around.
And I’ve been telling people I’m dying. I wouldn’t be so sensitive to everything if only I hadn't screwed my life up when I was young by running into trouble and if only I hadn’t ruined my health. So I’m feeling pretty weak these days. Physically. And if someone is being insensitive it hurts a million times more. I lost a band t shirt today. Don’t know where the hell it is. Did my laundry here today wonder what if someone swiped it. I’m trying not to be upset because theres a war going on and I’m getting upset over stupid things lately. But its not stupid to get upset over a serious health problem.

Argh, and now my ex isn’t responding. I thought he wanted to be friends!! ! I just wish something would work out to make my life good. I really enjoyed hanging out with him while it lasted anyway. But then I said I needed space. Maybe this part of my sh***y day is my fault. Other bad things happened today. Won’t go into detail.

Have you actually been diagnosed with terminal heart disease?

Going to see a specialist but it will be a while before I’m called my doctor said.

So I haven’t been told I’m dying. But I know for certain I’m not well. Others around me that have known me for a while can tell I’m not well.

What ever happened to ones intuition telling them something? Why do I have to wait for someone to tell me I’m dying, for me to know. I feel like I’m dying. I’m going to be 37 soon, but I feel 90 where I used to feel like a person in their 30s before this happened. It’s been months and I just can’t fully recover. I’m going to have to ignore the next person that asks me that. I’m not trying to be mean, but everyone in my town asks the same question. It is driving me nuts. These are strange times we live in.

But I guess it is nice to give a person hope. So thanks for that I guess. (I’m sorry for the rant in the above post. It’s early and I’m not a morning person)

It might not be as bad as you think and there might be plenty doctors can do.

They might be asking you the same question for a reason. Toning down on telling people you're dying before being seen by a doctor might be helpful in this case.

Lol Yeah good idea. I’ll try to shut up.

Especially if you’re not actually dying

That’s the bummer of being in a northerly place. Flowers start blooming relatively later.

I hope you start to see some blooms soon.

It hasn’t been a bad spring. Most days have been overcast with some precipitation. There are a few flowers that have been here a while. But this is so weird. Because spring used to feel like a time of being reborn for me. But I just feel all sickly and busted up this time round. Haven’t had the best help up here. Wish I would have realized it would have been better if I didn’t need any in the first place. The real world ate me. Looking forward to the warm sun at least.

It’ll seem nicer when all the trees bloom.

I wish you were feeling better.

No, you have every right to rant in this thread.

I'm Catholic and my parish has a monthly social event called "Soup & Such" (always 21+ only) and it's been six months since I attended one. The most recent one was back at the end of March and I did not go because my mom believed it wasn't real and that I was going to hang out with the "wrong crowd." The people who usually attend are good people, but it still doesn't explain why I'm a hit with the older crowd instead of people my own age.

I've been attending Mass at my current parish for the past five years (I ditched my childhood parish in 2017; it felt like high school all over again) and I regret nothing.

Sarah, regardless of your denomination, are there similar churches nearby?

I also wish you were feeling better.

I’m actually not religious. I think most of the people that go there are but then there are the ones that could just use a free meal or like me need a reason to get out of the house. Haven’t heard of any other free meals or social gatherings or events at churches but now that you mention it I’ll check it out. I’m trying right now to get signed up for some autism meet up groups.

I think they more meant if a doctor has not told you you're dying, it might be better for your mental health and morale to quit assuming that for sure.

Not that you should just shut up.

feel free to message me sweetheart