Serious answers please

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The NHS doesn't cover glasses so you got to pay, unless you're over 60.

I don't want to wear glasses. I just wish I had 20/20 vision. I was going to go for laser eye surgery but I heard there are risks with that.

I’ll do some research.

There doesn’t seem to be that much risk with laser surgery—but if you have severe astigmatism, it might not work as well.

It worked very well with my father, who was severely nearsighted.

I believe you would find the information you desire about laser eye surgery on the Mayo Clinic website.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-proced ... t-20045751

I've been reading up a lot of information about people with BPD and making/keeping friends and a lot of it mentions that people with this disorder can have a hard time with people.

These behaviours describe the girl down to a T. Very hard work, lacks sense of humour, lacks sympathy, etc. She got herself fired (not unfairly either), yet people still respect her even now, according to on Facebook. If that were me who got fired, I know the same people would lose respect for me and would probably unfriend me on Facebook.

I just can't figure out what is so bloody fantastic about this stupid idiot. Maybe I should come to work tomorrow blabbering my life stories and being a sulky drama queen and whining to everyone and dyeing my hair jet black and having an angry attitude about the world. If that's what NTs love so much then that is what I'll do. Oh, and I'll use men too, just for my own benefit, then break their hearts. All behind my own boyfriend's back.

I'll let you know how many friends I'll gain by doing this and how many cool social outings I'll be invited on.

Is she confrontational...a bit scary? If yes, it's not that they respect her, they fear her.

We would have to be there in person to observe. Or at least see pics. But even then it might not be obvious.

She probably just has some sorta charisma. Thats all I can say. If thats the case then no one could reproduce it by imitating her.

Having an unconventional look, like a goth look, by itself wouldnt explain it. That would attract some people, and turn off others.

But at the end of the day...she does NOT seem like a particularly enviable person. So I wouldnt waste time and energy envying her.

But it IS interesting how two traits...her scowling face, and tendency to burden others with her life story (being borderline personality she is also probably a bit histrionic), dont seem to drive off folks the way you would expect. She manages to "wear them" (the traits) well.

That's what my boyfriend says whenever I tell him about it. He understands that friendships and social approval are important to us women but he doesn't understand why I envy someone like her. He says that I'm a better person than her.

But I just envy women that are more popular than I am. When she worked there, I felt like I was completely pushed to the side to make way for the "queen". She was like a threat to my popularity position. Now that she's gone I'm more noticed, but obviously not as popular as she was, but I no longer feel excluded. But the two other females that worked with us (who also aren't there now but didn't get fired, they just went on to different jobs) still like and comments on some of her posts on Facebook, and they aren't BPD. In fact one is actually very intelligent*, shy and mature - but even SHE prefers this girl over me. And I don't think they even ever see each other any more, as I'd know if they did because they're the type to post photos of themselves and tag each other in. The serious, shy girl has a high-paying secretary job, and the other girl is now married with a baby. But the BPD girl is jobless, insecure and probably involved in drugs. I'm more like the other two girls; mature, in employment and living with a partner. But nope, I'm very undesirable for even females with similar personalities to me.

*Not saying people with BPD aren't intelligent, I'm just comparing this specific BPD person to a person who's almost opposite to her.

You will probably live longer than her.

I was thinking last night that if you imagine a Jedi from Star Wars, they look cool because they the lightsaber and the outfit.
I've seen amateur videos where 2 people are swordfighting with lightsabers but they are wearing jeans and T-Shirts, it doesnt look good at all.
So I was thinking is that like having the scowl and the goth look..they form an overall image.

I wish I was you joe. I thought I had to be cool like that goth chick. I mean I never was but... had some girls that were bad influences in my neighbourhood. You’ll probably live longer than her and if she got fired I wonder if she’s happy being so popular.

I don’t know what else to say. It could have to do with sexual attraction. Even if she isn’t that pretty. It’s biology. I don’t know how describe it. Basically people on an instinctual level might think she’d make a good breeder. Lol

Just please, I’d rather be you than her. I thought I had to be something like that girl. It’s better to be wise. I don’t want to be her.

Last edited by Sarahsmith on 11 May 2022, 5:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

BPD isn’t a fun illness from what people describe. Please just don’t worry about it. I don’t understand why people are the way they are either. Just try to be you. And be okay with that.

She called me normal one time, which I loved. Being called normal is complimentary to me and boosts my self-esteem. She meant it, and was implying that she's the "screwed up" one.

Yes. Good. I’m glad she acknowledged that. Lol. No it’s not fun being screwed up. At all. She probably did drugs. Maybe they didn’t agree with her.

I think your normal too. survival is what’s important here. I know it hurts when you don’t feel popular or not popular enough. But there are all kinds of people that feel that way. Maybe even most people wish they were more popular, or looked perfect, or had the perfect life. But they still have to survive and that’s good enough.

I get why you may be a bit bitter here but from my own perspective, I think the one with the superpower is you. I'll admit, I haven't had the best of luck making friends at school, high school and uni, that may explain why I feel this way. Whenever someone rejects me or left me out, I just think is for the better, less work figuring out if said individual is a good or a bad influence, one less potential problem. If everyone likes you then you have lots and lots of extra work sorting out the ones you should look after and those who need to leave.
So yeah, while being likeable is an advantage, I like having that natural filter to keep those superficial, selfish, useless or whatever people out for good. It is also very true that I'm happy socially at the moment, not many friends, none of my age, but all loyal, respectful and trustworthy, so I prefer not attract anyone else. Sorry about making it so much about me but I think looking from another perspective may help you personally even if it doesn't even try to answer the original question.

Now, about why did she attract so many people. I can't tell you. People feels attracted to otheres for a plethora of reasons, non of them seems to make any sense. I'd say for her it was all first impressions, but I wonder how many real friends and long lasting relationships she had. Some are real good coming across as great only for later to all fall apart. Not too different from many autistics who mask, make a friend only for later reveal the real self. Maybe is something in how she speaks that makes others feel good about themselves, maybe is a strong personality or just being somewhat different to most people while still being similar enough that it doesn't come across as intimidating.

I do know something, if right now I go somewhere social, I'd be alone for the entire day, even if it is a fricking convention about something I'm obsessed with (potentially full of like minded individuals or at very last with a common interest). However, I'm in two classic car owners forums and participate quite a lot, mainly because I'm restaring the car and I have loads of questions. Many people in said forums don't know me at all, but they do know how I speak, how I work, more or less how proficient am I at being a mechanic, etcetera. The last two classic car conventions I went, to my surprise, it was difficult to escape talking to others, even if I never posted a picture of my face. Just because looking at or asking certain things, many correlated and inmediately acknowledged me, prompting friendly conversations like if I was one of those popular guys. Now, get out of my club area to check other cars from other clubs and I'd be left alone again. In this case because it is about something I like I don't really care, but just goes to show how important it is to know someone or just being familiar. Maybe that girl was very active on social media and many kinda know her or just treated people in such a way it inspired confidence like if they known her for a while, feeling familiar. Maybe, probably, quite certainly, I'm talking nonsense but that's my best on the topic.

One note. I did ask people back in my uni days if anything I did annoyed them and everyone said was cool with me. No they weren't. They all knew about my ASD, and only one guy understood why I was making the question but never gave any real anwer. Learnt the hard way that was a good idea, seems like being honest and open like that is not a good idea, still can't understand why. I must not be very clever as while I won't ask that again, I will keep being honest for the most part, if you don't want to hear I don't care about your new hairstyle, don't ask me or just straight up tell me to say how cool it is.

And last, about the glasses. I see them as a tool one needs to go around. I don't care how I look, I'll get the comfiest cheapest clothes there are as long as they have no logos or inscriptions on them and aren't broken (seriously, why that fashion, WHYYYYYY????) so maybe I'm not qualified to talk about this either, but when I got my glasses, I chose the ones that where durable, comfortable and where big enough to get all my vision area. I don't think I look better in them regardless of what others say, but I wear them because I need them and don't mind them. It is ultra annoying when you lose them or get dirty but can't really do much about that. I see laser as an option for those who need heavy glasses or really can't defend themselves at all without the glasses, but not for me. Getting surgery to soon and within 10 or so years you might be like now or worse, but of course that depends on your medical condition. I get it, glasses ARE annoying, I wear them but risking one's health for looks or a little convenience? There's always contact lenses but that's another route I wouldn't go, I'm not sticking my finger in the eye, just nope.
I also get for some jobs glasses ar a problem, but as long as that is not your situation, I would just wear glasses. Again, just my opinion, I understand your intial position, my point is, think if the potential risk is worth it.

Hope you can get something out of my ramblings, even if only entertainment for a couple of minutes.

Smiling makes you more approachable, not more attractive, which is a different thing. It doesn't stop a lot of men, I've heard many (justified) complaints from women who are often told to "smile" by random men as though they were toddlers sulking.