A World of Absurdity

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I tried to take my life on Monday, and only through unwanted intervention between my friends and therapist am I here posting today. I was handcuffed and taken away by cops and was committed to a Psych ward. I was just discharged, and I am not really sure if I am happy to still be alive, dealing with this s**t it such a pain in the ass. I still have huge existential issues: I never asked to be alive or be human or anything; it was just forced on me. The absurdity of life and the universe is apparent to me because my brain allows me to see through the edifice of deceptions and illusions that most people buy into. There is no such thing as truth. Being a self-sustaining biological organism sucks, if the end of the equation is death, then why does it matter when the equation ends, or how?

I'm sorry you're so dwon that you felt suicide was the only answer. I am glad that you have friends that care enough to have prevented you from doing so.

Only you can answer the "Why is Life worth living?" question for yourself. However, you should take advantage of friends and certainly professional people (therapists) to bounce your thoughts off of so they can help steer your thinking down a different path.

And of course please keep talking to the good people here on WP. So many can empathize and may offer some comfort or relief.

Take care! I hope you find your resolution.

Been there, done that, only in my case I went batshit crazy and I was locked in a psychiatric ward for ninety days. The best thing you can do for now is keep talking. Talk to us on the boards, talk to your therapist and the psychiatric staff, get all your feelings and desires out in the open. We'll try and et you through this so let us know if we can help.

Ed Almos

P.S. If they gave you any meds then please take them as prescribed. Not only will they make you feel a bit better but it's one way of stopping them dragging you back into the hospital.

Would you consider having a look at

The Undiscovered Self by Carl Jung

I've read most of Jung, Not really a big fan. I prefir Sartre and Camus.

You may resent their intrusion, but I envy you for having friends who care enough to have intervened.

I had a midnight jogger stumble over my bicycle that I had lept off of. . and they found me in the creek, back fractured, huge gash on my face. I carry the burden of that night for almost thirty years. I never got up the courage again, well. . .yet, that is.

same reasons, beyond infinity. . .it just doesn't make sense to me, any of it.

Merle

Does everyone want to watch you without any conciousness of its ill effects[ill effect of the situation]?

I've been to the voluntary psychward multiple times in my teen youth because i was suicidal. All of that doesn't scare me. Perhaps because it really isn't?

But I now see that people know me and I look back that its normal for me to get into such mayem - not because I am a psycho or am an autistic person. However, my mother isn't the one to relate nor some other people but I trust others watching with their understanding and their conciousness of what is happening.

I have myself to rely on for answers. Isn't that good enough??

"I have myself to rely on for answers. Isn't that good enough??"

No.

1) Sometimes you might be asking yourself the wrong questions.

2) Sometimes you think you know the answer but you're 100% wrong, so wrong that what you think is the solution is in fact destructive.

3) Sometimes you don't know the answer and you drive yourself crazy looking for it.

There is nothing wrong asking for help.

Ed Almos

please dont go just yet. Its hard out there. Some people dont understand us, but they need us. Without us, liars have their heyday. Cruelty runs rampant and peace is hard to find. I wish things were simpler for you. I wish it was for everyone. Believe me, pain is the one thing that connects us. I dont know exactly what you are going through, but i know that deverything is temporary.

No, there is no meaning in life, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy.

The future is unpredictable, and impossible for us to imagine; you don't know what lies ahead for you. Imagine youself ten years ago: could you have pictured where you are now? Perspective is the key. When I think back to the times I was suicidal, it was always when I felt I had nowhere to go: because I couldn't see the next step, I felt there wasn't one. But there is always somewhere to go, you just have to trust in that.

And what about your areas of interest, and the simple pleasures of existence... can they provide any relief for the time being? I hope you feel better, in any case.

Yeah, but now one of them is really pissed at me because the cops who took me away snooped around their apartment after I was gone and they both got charged with pot possession, making them both third time offenders. one of my friends blames me for this and wont even take my calls. I don't really need this kinda selfish BS from him now: how can he blame me for that? why should two time offenders even keep drugs around in the first place? Am I wrong to think he has no right to be pissed at me? I think my issues are WAY bigger than his.



Ten years ago was my first suicide attempt: but it was half-baked and hair-brained but it my intent was the same as it was this time. I didn't care about anything but dying.


funny story (morbidly so): I was talking to my therapist on my cell listing all the reasons I wanted to die (scared the s**t outta her) the only reason I could come up with to live was the new issue of The Incredible Hulk that came out Wednesday. When I bought it after my discharge, I told the vendor "this better be one hell of an issue..."

Sorry that you're having a hard time, BeyondInfinity. No one asks to be human, but we all live with it. Myself I don't see the point in being human- we hunt, steal, lie,and talk behind others' backs. All we can do is try to be as moral as we can be. You have an interesting point of view that most people buy into lies and I thank you for it. Hope things change for the better!

so, you are saying you tried to off yourself around your friends, and now are blaming THEM for getting busted for helping you out?

And you don't need this kinda selfish BS from him? WTF are YOU doing around two time drug offenders, anyway?

I think you are wrong to think he has no right to be pissed at you. I have no doubt you think your problems are bigger than his, but you did a man that saved your wretched little life a great disservice by your selfish choice to kill yourself around him in the first place.

Perhaps a sincere apology to him would be a good start to your recovery. After all, it was your choice that compelled him to have to act ( I mean what was he supposed to do, let you die and have a corpse to dispose of?) in the first place, right? He did this in spite of the danger he knew would result when the authorities were called to deal with you, too. Was he supposed to toss your dying arse out on the sidewalk?

I am just floored that you would have this attitude.
But this is only my opinion, you understand.

I feel your pain. It totally sucks with a mind of confusion, fear and pain. But you got to look at the bright side of it. You must have a interest that you know alot about. You can do something with that interest. You can't let the world of negitiveness push you down. You got to show that you are strong, even though you've got a mental illness that everyone here has, you can't let the negitiveness of it control you. You have the control panel for your life. People are like magnents, we pull the people that we like to us automaticly. Just think of the people who love and care for you, even if it's your parents, at least you have someone that cares for you. Plus you got us! And we understand you loud at clear.

yeah, pot IS Illegal, and they owned it. As 2 time offenders even having it around is stupid, uncertain things happen all the time . life is chaos. My friend who was there when this all went down understands this, it was his call to call the cops on me, and he in no way blames me for his mistakes (having pot lying around, and not hiding it).



The're called friends. I don't hold the past aganst my friends, as long as it is reciprocated. I don't smoke, some of my friends do, big deal.



Again, the friend that saved me is not mad at me. He saw the situation, acted, and paid for his own actions. everyone is accountable for their own actions, I definatley have been. the guy who is pissed at me was not there at the time this happened, you are just jumping to conclusions sinsboldly. you don't know the whole situation and to explain it all would take a long time. the bottom line is them getting busted is not my fault, they could have been caught in plenty of other situations. I am taking accountablity for my actions, he should take some for his, not just try to shift the blame and be immature.


yes and your opinion is based on a scant few posts by me and not on the entire situation, and thus not very valid. Its not my fault they got busted twice before, ect... I came here for support, not to be attacked by people with limited knowledge, those who understand the entire situation agree with my perspective, so calm the hell down.