I am a stupid poor person

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I didn't put my emotions aside and just do it.

I let people aka jerk type men make me believe I just couldn't do it without them.

I think I'm dying because I can barely walk and feel like I'm going to pass out

Felt like that all day

The hospital in my town sucks. Many people say that.

You are talking to a crazy poor person. I'm starting to die now and I can barely take care of myself.

The mental health system hates me because I instigate and I've made other people hate because of that as well. But I don't recall instigating the hospital. They just flat out pick favorites because it's a small hospital in a large town.

I'm stupid and slow and was in my own world this whole time.

I developed psychological problems so bad that they consumed me and people took advantage of me left and right and probably still do. How am I supposed to know. My mind is shutting down with my body.

I might seem stupider than usual lately. Might stop making sense.

You guys are the only ones witnessing my end. And who my consciousness was.

I don't think anyone in my town cares. I'm too f****d up for them.

When Marknis was here he was right. I do live in a redneck town. The way he described his town it seems similar to mine but in Canada.

Which isn't the promise land apparently unfortunate things happen here too. And there is violence here too.

Hopefully at least Canada won't try to make illegal abortions.

Of all the things I didn't screw up at least I didn't breed or get behind the wheel when people suggest I do those things.

Can't even take care of myself.

You sounded pretty smart just the other day…..

That's nice but they don't think I'm so smart here. I won't go into detail. But I trusted people too much. Didn't know how dangerous this world was. Got screwed over. At least I'm not homeless but this is still weird.

My feeling is…..that you might have made dumb mistakes, but that doesn’t make you “stupid.”

I’ve made some really dumb mistakes….but I don’t believe I’m stupid.

You’re still in your 30s. You can turn this around.

Many people have been in bad situations, but they eventually came out OK. I can understand you don’t feel like it would come out OK….but, truly, you never know what Fate will give you.

Continue with your studies of Buddhism, etc. And continue singing.

I will but you see I've gotten myself into some trouble and my health is failing and it's hard to get help these days. Sometimes I feel safer just dwelling on the negative.

But I know it's a beautiful world. I'd love to study Hinduism and Buddhism from an immigrant that has moved here. I'll see who I can find on Facebook. I might be too strange for them right now as I'm in a tricky situation. But they might be willing to talk to me on social media.

Starting to understand Hinduism a little better I think. As well as Christianity for that matter. Wish there was more Hindus on here that could teach me!!

Have you read “Siddhartha”?

I’ve always found the life of the Buddha fascinating, even though I’m not a Buddhist.

Watched a movie about the Buddha. It was a good movie. That was a long time ago and my memory is not the greatest anymore. So I don't remember much about it. I'm not sure what one is supposed to do if they have gotten stuck out side the noble eight fold path.

Make sure you have contact with the “real world.”

Good point. Sometimes I get a bit flighty from the psychedelics I've done. I don't do them anymore. Most people don't have a problem with them but I guess they didn't solve my problems.

I don't know it's instinctual to go off into my own world because my reality is pretty terrible right now.

I mean more having SOME connection with the “real world.”