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violentcloud
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05 Aug 2007, 10:46 pm

Here's something I've wondered for a long time, but always decided it was better not to ask:
Does anyone else start plotting murders when they are depressed? Not the murder of a specific person who has caused the depression, just... anyone. Or other stuff, life trying to plot a way to kill as many people as possible, just... for the sake of snuffing them out, I guess. Or general stuff that people would consider evil - inflicting pain on people, oppressing people... daydreaming about inflicting suffering or death on others. Quite a frequent thing, too - not just when I'm at my lowest, but whenever I feel the slightest bit down.
I figure it's just a control thing - I get depressed and feel like I lack control over my life, so I start fantisising about exerting ultimate control over the lives of others.

I don't want people to think less of me for this, because I'd certainly never act on the impulses and desires...
But does anyone else do this?



Kilroy
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05 Aug 2007, 11:00 pm

uhhh just to smash things
like windows, computers, etc
things I dont like around me



MysteryFan3
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05 Aug 2007, 11:01 pm

I used to do that a lot. Revenge plots from learning karate and beating the daylights out of some bully to blowing up the house of the guy who broke into mine - twice. I don't fantasize about the extremes anymore because I starting forgiving the a**holes. I also don't get messed with as much as I used to. I channel the angry energy into taking notes for the cops or HR or whoever, finding ways to take care of my own puh-sykee and finding something nice to obsess about.

I don't look back with shame or embarassment. I created the fantasies out of overanalyzing a problem someone else chose to cause for me. Let them be embarrassed. I have my solutions, now.


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TheMachine1
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05 Aug 2007, 11:09 pm

Maybe some 10 years ago and alot more 20 years ago. Though its very hard to quantify. What I might call normal homicidal thought levels. Might be alot more or less than what you do. I'm not depressed at all though. But absolutely have had more homicidal thoughts when depressed. I'm to the point were I in no way blame others for my situation so now most homicidal thoughts would be self directed at taking out TheMachine1.



violentcloud
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05 Aug 2007, 11:13 pm

MysteryFan3 wrote:
I don't fantasize about the extremes anymore because I starting forgiving the a**holes.


That's the thing though, it's not the a***holes that I focus on... it's just general thoughts about killing people. In fact, I can think of few cases where the victim of choice was the person who made me feel bad... except for when the victims were a general population, so the a***hole was inevitably drawn back into it,



sinsboldly
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05 Aug 2007, 11:18 pm

violentcloud wrote:
Here's something I've wondered for a long time, but always decided it was better not to ask:
Does anyone else start plotting murders when they are depressed? Not the murder of a specific person who has caused the depression, just... anyone. Or other stuff, life trying to plot a way to kill as many people as possible, just... for the sake of snuffing them out, I guess. Or general stuff that people would consider evil - inflicting pain on people, oppressing people... daydreaming about inflicting suffering or death on others. Quite a frequent thing, too - not just when I'm at my lowest, but whenever I feel the slightest bit down.
I figure it's just a control thing - I get depressed and feel like I lack control over my life, so I start fantisising about exerting ultimate control over the lives of others.

I don't want people to think less of me for this, because I'd certainly never act on the impulses and desires...
But does anyone else do this?


I turn it inward and think about ways I can kill myself, it is torture to contemplate the total meaninglessness of the Universe and all that inhabit it. . .
it IS a control thing, you know. . "if I have no control over blahblah blah at least I can. . . fill in the blank"

I usually get a hair cut over the deal. Some people stop eating, get all anorexic, some people get drunk or stoned or what ever. Some people eat themselves to a coronary. Some people drive real fast, others' go mountain climbing, some paddle a canoe around the world.

Branch out into another expression of your depression. Talk it over with another adult you trust. This is a great place to run it past other people, you were right to post it here.



Crazy_Ben
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06 Aug 2007, 12:33 am

Yeah, I sometimes do something crazy like shave my head, which many women don't agree is a hot look for me. Or I sit around watching old movies, anything really to not think about someone I felt had committed a social transgression against me.


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Fedaykin
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06 Aug 2007, 2:54 am

Do these thoughts appear without being on any medication? They sound a bit like SSRI-induced mania. I can identify with despising people in general, especially when I was around 20 years old, but I never had any general homicidal ideation.



MrMark
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06 Aug 2007, 5:35 am

I used to have violent fantasies about my father. My therapist seemed unconcerned, though he did advise me to stay away from my father. :)


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Beenthere
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06 Aug 2007, 9:17 am

I've never plotted anyone's demise...(well not lately anyways). :lol:


But I have wished for a very large bulldozer or a tank.

My dreams usually involve heavy machinery.


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violentcloud
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06 Aug 2007, 9:44 am

Fedaykin wrote:
Do these thoughts appear without being on any medication? They sound a bit like SSRI-induced mania. I can identify with despising people in general, especially when I was around 20 years old, but I never had any general homicidal ideation.


Nope, I don't take any kind of Meds. I refuse the things whenever they're suggested.



EatingPoetry
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06 Aug 2007, 3:08 pm

Oh dear, I have had thoughts similar to yours, violentcloud!

And I have a plan for if I'm ever diagnosed with a terminal illness. Nothing to lose! Some poeple gonna be hurtin'! Mostly only people who abuse animals, though.


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woodsman25
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06 Aug 2007, 5:42 pm

heh, indeed, lack of control in my life causes me to think about what would happen if I had a large army or modern weapons at my disposal. Of course, if I ever was in this position I would try and make the world a better place (or at least think I would do so, absolute power tends to corrupt absolutly)

I fantisize about killing those who hurt me, or doing nasty stuff, in the end, typically, i 2 end up forgiving them. These thoughts sound universal amoungst many humans, im glad over the years my socail life has improved, i dont think like that anymore.


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Starr
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07 Aug 2007, 3:31 am

As a kid I used to try to work out how I could do away with my mother and get away with it. I could never work out an undetectable way to do it though, or a way to get hold of the poison involved, which would have involved travelling to the Brazillian rainforest. It was impossible to do on my pocket money.



Shadowgirl
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07 Aug 2007, 12:51 pm

I usually take it out on people on Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.



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11 Aug 2007, 6:59 pm

Violentcloud, I have planned terrorist attacks before, because I was so depressed with and sick and tired of society. I also sympathise with school shooters, especially Kimveer Gill and Cho Seung-Hui. I planned to stab someone through the eye at school, then decided that was too harsh and decided to do it through the cheek instead, and I made elaborate plans for my escape and deals I would make with the law, such as "I'll only turn myself in if you promise not to put me in solitary confinement and if you promise to tell kids publicly that bullying others can get you killed."


:D