Life is too awful.

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I live in a world that I don’t feel right in, to the point that I can’t feel how I feel without my mom calling me rude. My mind has been in a bad spot as is lately. I’ve been wondering if I should put myself in the hospital with suicidal thoughts.

Luckily, I have no easy way to kill myself rn, nor do I have the nerve to do such a thing. I’m just too effed up and the more things get too tough the more I question the intrigue of living.

What’s inspiring those thoughts?

The singles event got postponed to November and when I called my mom all angry about it she hung up on me. Later, after I told her more stuff she said I was rude. And my dad gives me no room to be as furious as I feel I need to be. Or life in general gives me no room. People just say "f you, deal with it"

I hate my mom just for hanging up on me. Things got even worse from there.

Talking to the suicide helpline didn't do much for me. Don't wanna talk to either parent after they contributed to my anger even further. Or maybe I'm just too f****d up and the way my mind works isn't built for this life. I can't seem to tell.

I'm sorry. I know it can be very hard for others including some of our parents(like my mom) to understand & relate to our struggles. Me & my mom had LOTS of VERY BAD fights & we both cursed each other out numerous times. When I get angry, I start to go into meltdown mode & it's better for me to be left alone cuz I'll take it out on the person I'm talking to. I could be quite wrong but perhaps your mom didn't know how to react or felt you were taking your anger out on her. I've always been a private person even with my parents & I never even really talked to them about wanting a romantic relationship when I was desperately searching for one & I was still living with them. Maybe it's cuz I'm so used to my parents & other people offline not understanding & judging me. Reason I wanted a romantic relationship so bad was so I could have one person I could get close to & talk to who might understand & relate. I thought about suicide as well then. I really wish I had something helpfull to tell you other than that I relate & to give you a figurtive pat on the back.
Are you seeing a councilor or psychiatrist? Perhaps it would help if your not. & if you are it might would help to let em know how your feeling right now

Just thinking aloud. In the past here in the UK it was sometimes a done thing years ago where as ones children started to hit the teenage years, they would live for a few months or even longer with aunts or uncles to give them a broader outlook in life. It really helped them as they learned new things that they would not do at home and prevented them from being entrenched in their parents bad habbits. (Not being dissrespectful to parents. Just pointing out that ones bad habbits and shortcuts are also learned by ones children and are copied. It is how children learn).

Do you have this as a possible option? A relitive you can live with for a while? (I apologize if I am missreading past posts. I am assuming you live close to or with your parents?)

One time, I was really down.

I went to look at a cornfield. That soothed my depression.

My depression tends to be caused by complicated human relationships.

I still haven’t spoken to either parent today. Ideally, I could use this to better myself for the future, especially since I took a couple steps further showing how awful I’ve been feeling inside(I threw an empty Lysol disinfectant bottle at my dad, although I missed and I texted my mom a violent thought I had about the person who organizes all the dating events), but I’ve been through this one too many times for me to trust myself going forward. In yesterdays case, it was the perfect storm for me to be enraged by it. It was a dating event that was cancelled last minute. Something that y’all can understand why I was REALLY looking forward to it.