You don't know disorder...

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I need to rant or whatever you call it.

I live in the poorest living conditions ever. Stuff is stacked up everywhere and sometimes you can't even see the floor. My mom wont do anything, so my aunt does it all and she can't clean the whole house. If I even try to clean, I get overwhelmed and can't help but shut down.

The kitchen is one of the worst contenders, almost all the dishes are filthy and I can never find anything to eat that I'm sure is not yucky (I now have a paranoia about eating moldy or rotten food OR eating out of a dirty dish). The Kitchen is suppose to be my mom's job too. Now I have nothing against my mom, other than this type of stuff. I'll get to her in a later part.

The basement, where my room use to be you can't even see, because of all the stuff stacked up. I can't even get to my old room to get things out of it anymore. *needs to somehow get her computer upstairs* Then our dog (I love him) has the tendency to pee (and if he is not let out he poops too) all over down there. My mom's room is down there and I don't know how she can stand the stench the dog made. She hasn't even cleaned it up and you cannot go barefoot down there.

I only eat once a day because of my fear of rotten food. I don't know how to cook anything unless it is noodles. But then there is my fear of fire and heat. My gramma needs to eat several meals a day to keep her blood suger in the correct range. But we only get to eat dinner, so one meal a day. I feel neglected. I'm even more concerned for my gramma. She can barely do anything and has to sit most all the time.

Clean clothes? what's that? I wear the same clothing for a week to a month at times. No, I can't run the washing machine (I'm clueless and no one will teach me). Plus I don't even want to enter the basement for that.

Then all the social things around here... Go to the city, buy stuff for everyone, nothing for me. "Oh you're old enough to understand." Then they leave without telling me. It isn't like I want stuff and stuff. No, I don't mind my little sister getting new things either, but when they buy a bunch of stuff for her and say they don't have enough money to get me anything, then I'm hurt. "Its school clothes." And I do have a little money laying around, so they could have asked me if I wanted something.

Then, if I say something I get ignored (they do this to my gramma too). Like we some friends staying over and one of their kids was climbing one of our trees, my gramma doesn't want them to because we are renters. I said what my gramma said and I got ignored, but then I was told they heard me. Well you could at least acknowledge me. I said that, so I got told, "Fine I'll drop everything" so they can tell me they heard me.

Now, my mom is suppose to take Zoloft everyday. Every time I remind her she gets mad and says not to hound her about it and that she takes it in the morning because it makes her not able to sleep. So I remind her in the morning, no go, I get 'yelled' at some more about hounding her. (no not real yelling, but it feels like it). So she doesn't take it and is such a grump all the time.

Then, she has to tell everyone I have autism, sometimes she will say I have aspergers. I don't want everyone knowing that, I get treated differently for it. I'm sure the whole town knows by now.
But back when I was diagnosed with just ADHD, she thought she may have it too and used it to her advantage, but had to tell everyone about my disability. I think she has something like AS too, but I ain't telling her that, she'll just use it to her advantage.

My gramma wants to leave this house but won't without me and my sister.

Personally I feel mentally abused here. My sister is always in trouble for things the 4 and 3 yr olds do. 'Oh, lets blame ***** for this.' is what is seems like.

And I'm suppose to somehow get on medical, but my mom never has the time. My aunt makes her go everywhere and such. Then when she is home, she sleeps. I HAVE ROTTEN TEETH, I NEED TO GET THEM PULLED. I also need therapy for all my problems. But, I feel like I'll never get it.

And before anyone gets up I'd better post this. I need a lot of advice or something.

my goodness! Turtle Jen! you have a beautiful writing style! Your grammar and spelling is spot on, and you can express yourself in concise and compact ways.
I admire your writing, I am sure you have a good future in it!

sorry about your home situation, you must be quite frustrated. A cookbookcan instruct you on how to make more than noodles and a quick search on google can help you figure out that washing machine (just find out the model and make and google it!)

You are the only one that is going to change in your situation. Good Luck!

Thank you. I've been wanting to post about this for months somewhere.

The sad thing is I can't use the stove because of all the dirty dishes and junk on it and the oven part is always full of dirty pots and pans. But I hate to complain anymore than this for the simple reason, it makes me depressed.

I've been trying to do something, but my AS or something always stops me. I meltdown easily. I have fibermialga and low muscle tone, in other words, I'm weak.

At least when one of my aunts comes to visit (hopefully) this coming week, she can help me get on medical. I don't want my mom being the one in charge of all my stuff either.

Thanks for the nice comment on my writing. Some of my spelling is thanks to google spell check (but I use it to learn).

I am sorry to hear of your situation and it sounds like one that you need to work your way out of. There is nothing you can do for your mum if she won't take charge of her own life and it sounds like she can't help you with yours either.
Try to get your own income and move out, encourage your grandma to move with you and your sister (is it that your mum is opposed to this for some reason?)
While you do stay there then try and take control of a small part of the situation for yourself, eg clean one or two dishes for your use, clean them immediately after using them and then put them somewhere for next time, then you are sure you have clean things, are not relying on someone else and don't have to try tackle the whole mountain. I suspect if you did manage to clean up then it would be no time before things were as bad again anyway.
You may have to be in the situation but can rise above it and choose how you are going to live and behave. I think that it is great that you want better for yourself than this and hope you can achieve it.

Several of those complaints are entirely valid, but I can't help focusing on the one that isn't-the cleaning. Now, I'm hardly one to talk, as cleaning isn't my favourite thing, but you have to find a way to not get overwhelmed. Your mother ought to be doing her fair share, but just because she isn't doesn't mean that you get to take a break and leave your aunt to do all the work. That appears to be unfair. I suggest you find yourself a better living situation, and learn to deal with some of the difficulties that life can provide. One needs to make their own way in this world sometimes.

I think that all of your family are having difficulties, you included. Is there any way that you could get a Social Worker of Support Worker?
Are there any local organisations that can help you? (You might be able to find an organisation by searching on Google).

I really think that you need to look at getting some kind of support for you and your family to help you all to cope with things.

Good luck.

Girl 7000-
Great advice

TurtleJen-
Good luck. My mom is a packrat-type too, although not as bad as your is. I grew up in a house full of junk too, and it IS awful. I hope you can get out of there soon, with your gramma and sister.

Your mom is responsible for herself - if she doesn't want to take her meds or clean her house, that's her decision - so don't feel bad about not rescuing her from herself. It would be wrong for you to impose your preferences on her; she has the right to live the way she wants, so don't feel guilty about leaving her to her own lifestyle choices (n case you were feeling ambivalent about taking care of your own needs). Get yourself to a better place!

I think the poster mentioned fibromyalgia, which would make it nearly impossible to make a dent in that mountain of mess. I think the suggestion about washing a few dishes and keeping them separate for reuse is good.

Turtlejen, it must be so hard for you to help yourself right now, but I hope you'll find the strength. Your mother has a prescription, so there is a doctor somewhere? Could you phone that doctor or perhaps a nurse? There's a community nurse here that helped me a lot, and nurses take more time to understand. My own experience is that a psychiatric nurse is a great relief to talk to, and likely would be aware of resources.

I'm thinking even your rest isn't restful, not with conditions like that. I hope your other aunt helps - keep us posted?

Ah, missed that.